kuroo knows kenma. kuroo knew them as a friend through childhood, he knew them as a friend in early adulthood, & he knows them now in a new capacity that just … extends … beyond what they had been. kenma trusts kuroo to know them & their preferences. &
truthfully, they would trust most anyone who knows them to know that fame was never kenma’s most coveted game. they accept it because it’s the pricetag for their success & because their fame is still limited. if they choose to slide into the bakery down the street … it’s likely that no one will recognize them. & that’s comforting to know —-
kenma’s following is a niche group. & they’re grateful for the fact & even more grateful to have reached a point where they have a choice in what they do every day —- to have reached a point where they enjoy their work & the jigsaw puzzles they solve when they make investments.
but maybe they aren’t grateful enough. kenma hadn’t found his footing like this from luck. even in highschool ( especially after kuroo had graduated ) kenma spent restless nights strategizing for steps they could take, moves they could make that would give them an environment that felt comfortable to them.
they think with their thumbs at the joycon & smashing the a b x y buttons on their console &
they are maybe not grateful enough because it feels like an incomplete piece of work. kenma strategized for this success; they’re grateful it had worked out so far, but the gamble is not done. they are still deep in work &
kenma has been congratulated before —- for noticing things, for predicting behaviors, & for being aware. but —- they are not infallible. even as kenma sits & lets their foot fall over kuroo’s calf on the kotatsu … they do feel the shift of kuroo’s energy, the shift of his mood.
kuroo wears agitation as restlessness, like there’s something sharp in the surrounding environment —-
their instinct is not to think about success / fame / achievement as a possible cause. even while the television announces their streaming name & kenma thinks about changing the channel —
they were there for the interview. they don’t need to live through it again. from the corner of their eye, they spot kuroo’s extending an orange to them. kenma blinks lazily at their console screen & sets it on the surface before them — the game is an rpg, there’s no threat on the screen, & they can take the time for sticky-finger citrus.
changing the television channel feels like a lot of work. the tone that kuroo’s taking with them … feels like a lot of work. their brow furrows a little & lay fully back on the floor — staring at the ceiling & dropping orange slices into their mouth.
‘ kuro. i didn’t announce things even when i was in highschool. you just knew things when they happened - ‘
which is … perhaps not fair. it isn’t anyone’s job to wait & find out accomplishments / milestones / setbacks from secondary sources. so they amend - ‘ awards should not be the reward. ‘ they mutter the phrase in the office often enough but still — that’s not the point. ‘ milestones that make it onto the media aren’t necessarily priority. ‘
of course, they’re proud.
but it feels tiring to recount stories from a workday that doesn’t necessarily seem to have a start & finish. so … kuroo hears the important bits. of this, kenma is sure.the award is not the important bit.
The words coming from the small screen had turned into a static sound that made kuroo squint at kenma as he waits for him to respond , despite the voice being all too familiar it was not enough to catch his interest enough to listen at his remarks -- knowing fully well that it was the same old words , same old gratitude lines repeated all over and over again by kenma every time they had an awarding event need to go into . need to be at... without even kuroo knowing .. and it annoys kuroo .... frustrates kuroo , not because kenma doesn’t tell, announce or share this so called fame , milestone or achievements to him .. it’s because of something else.
And that something else was pointed out , “ hmn... true , but I was always the first to know “ he replied back , trying to bite back the sign of insecurity and funnily for no reason the ‘ jealousy’ that somehow blended along with his voice. Kuroo tried his best to stay unbothered by all of it but the more information spilled into the news , the more ‘important bits’ presented to him by the reporter , the more she questioned who kodzuken will spend this ‘ achievements ‘ with and was answered by ‘ the team , friends ( shoyou ) , or probably fans ‘ not even a mention of his name made kuroo reach for the remote that lays peacefully on top of kotatsu and made him change it into one of the sport channels that place recorded game of basketball...
Kuroo would rather hear the sound of the ball hitting the floor repeatedly than hearing nothing but the storm brewing inside of his head. After all he knew already that kenma knows something was wrong , they are perceptive after all and knowing kenma for so long, confrontation between the two of them , despite it happens very rare, it can be extremely quiet and nerve wrecking , So kuroo needed the sound to keep the whole thing from going into deafening state.
After taking all the courage he can have , he finally turned to look at the gamer, sighing at him, gaping his mouth a few times as if testing the waters before fully opening them to speak.
“ but now... It seems i’m the Last one to know... or probably would have never known if i haven’t heard about it from the news just now! “ he finished the previous sentence. “ Not that it matters ! “ of course it matters , who is he kidding ? He wanted to be part of it, it matters cause he want to remember all of kenma’s achievements, it matters cause kenma is important to him and if it was him, he would want kenma to know first before others.... because out of everyone kuroo wanted to know that despite all this achievements and fame , they wanted him to still be there cause it was kuroo’s thoughts and pride for kenma matters the most not others, not their fans and kenma wanted to share it with kuroo .... but it seems like kenma doesn’t care any of those.... and it causes insecurity to kuroo....
After all, a JVA employee like him... is not needed after all , compared to the die hard fans of ‘ KODZUKEN’ , who loves and knows everything about kenma.
“ I was just surprised you never mentioned it to me at least once ; I know you aren’t that kind of person who celebrates every achievements and milestones, but at least... “ he paused and sighed at kenma. “ I would like to be part of it, Like.. shrimpy or your fans who get to be part of it... I mean you get what i meant right ? “
