may you please make me worse?
This is a concept I have touched upon many times before in various posts, the idea of getting "worse". Of being corrupted. As to your question, what does that actually mean? What would that look like?
To me, worse means you find yourself here on Tumblr more and more. You find your hands between your legs without conscious thought, your body conditioned to the routine of pleasuring yourself.
Worse means just opening the app makes you start to leak because you have trained your body to know what comes next.
Worse means searching out increasingly extreme porn because you need the next high. Rubbing to things you would have found disgusting not so long ago without a second thought.
Worse means making it a daily habit. A thing you do regularly without thinking about it.
Worse means you tried to stop, but you couldn't. You tried over and over again, telling yourself you couldn't keep doing this. That this wasn't healthy, that you shouldn't think this way. That the thoughts crawling through you head are not the way a normal person would think.
Worse means understanding you are addicted.
Worse means that the thought of being addicted is sexy.
Worse means your thoughts start to change, growing more and more perverted. You see a slutty girl on TV and you find it sexy. You see an abusive relationship in a show and find the concept hot.
Worse means sexualizing things that are benign. Finding R34 of you favorite shows so that you can never see the characters without picturing them fucking. Worse means seeing phallic objects and thinking about how they would feel inside you.
Worse means thinking with your pussy, caring less and less about what is logical and intelligent and thinking only about what feels good
Worse means knowing you are out of control and wanting more
Worse means losing that sense of shame you feel when you orgasm
Worse means learning to edge because you like the way it fucks with your brain
Worse means finding a Man to tell you what to do because it feels RIGHT
Worse means porn takes over more and more of your life. Your other hobbies and commitments start to fade away because they take away time you could be edging
Worse means messaging strangers and hoping they will push you to do the slutty things you still can't bring yourself to do on your own
Worse means buying slutty clothes to look like the porn stars that dance and gyrate through your head
Worse means leaving your sex toys out because you're using them all the time anyway, why hide them?
Worse means making your addiction part of your personality because you love the way it feels
Worse means posting pictures of yourself because it feels good to be porn
Worse means imagining what it would be like to have an OnlyFans
Worse means loving the depraved, the extreme, the kinky, the slutty, the intoxicating and alluring, of loving the warm and wet feeling between your legs and the fuzzy, happy feeling between your ears.
And most importantly, Worse means being brave enough to come off anon because you need to find out what all that feels like
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