maarkzeest

i only ever rly talk abt my bfs here

[fuckbean]

smh imagine being 17

[fuckbean]

i like mt botsfriend he so vood to me i hope o desrteve hom!he so lovely and swrtuyy i love him grjwjm my babrulove

[fuckbean]

drivkkibg alone is realyg ekgqbrrasing goofnighth rleppp tight don't let the beajie babiys bire t!

[fuckbean]

i should probably just get over myself tbh nothing is this deep hehe

[fuckbean]

i wish i didn't have depression, tonight was supposed to be. an important milestone for me and like. a really nice night. and it was? so like why am i crying??? i don't get it. honestly if every Nice thing i have is going to be marred with like this sense of dissatisfaction and impending doom i honestly should just fucking kill myself and save myself the trouble . like today was objectively great and so many great things happened. i should b in a stellar mood, why do i feel so awful? and now me feeling awful is probably messing up other people's good times and. wow i just dunno what to do lol i'm about to endure a whole weekend of pretending to not feel bad and i just dunno what 2 do abt it. it's a birthday in another city and it would just b awful to ! mess that up w one of my Moods

[fuckbean]

tobacco is pretty whack and the government allows the companies to put all sorts of stupid shit in cigarettes,,, part of me worries that if marijuana gets legalized then. the government will allow Big Marijuana Companies to put Toxic Stuff in the weed to keep People addicted and buying

[fuckbean]

sometimes i wonder if some of my friends are bad influences bc when i'm around them i crave cigarettes

[fuckbean]

BAHSHSGAHSHSA MY GREAT UNCLE IS RUNNING FOR RICHMOND SHERIFF GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO FUNNY

[fuckbean]

wish i knew how to read so i could understand communist literature enough to explain it to other ppl

[fuckbean]

i love not going home when kevin abstract is like "this is a gays only event go home"

[fuckbean]

!!!! looking back on old memories and realizing that one of the reasons things feel so different nowadays is because. i'm missing out on good wholesome fun by thinking of all of the things that stress me out instead of just. having a carefree time. i can't wallow too much in the past, in perceived social ailments, and in laziness and unproductivity! i can't read too much into things and also i can just be normal. really i should just aim to have fun! i gotta b doing new fun things from time 2 time or else i'll forget to appreciate what's good? bc in all honestly i've. probably got the best going for me that i could possibly have. and i love my boyfriend so incredibly much and i should take more time to appreciate him? graham, if you're reading this, just know that you're the love of my life and i love you to the end of the world and back? i want to hold you in my arms for the rest of my life and i'm at my happiest with you by my side!

[fuckbean]

all of me wants to screw the rest of school and prioritize art but i know i can't do that because i have to get scholarships to pay for education so i can make more art?

[fuckbean]

u make me so uneasy and i don't know why 😓 i know you're just trying to be nice and i'm trying to be nice too i'm sorry i wish things were normal. everything about this feels artificial. i wanna do things differently! i want to be ur friend! i want to! u make me nervous but! i wanna be your friend i do i really do

[fuckbean]

i love the stupid fucking city i live in

[fuckbean]

if i don't start eating right i'm gonna die and have scurvy and diabetes so that sucks. i should probably start trying to meet all of my various dietary needs, even though that's difficult in this weird ass household. i can get my daily omega 3s from flaxseed oil pills, but the other stuff. i'm gonna have to figure out. if i keep eating chicken, eggs, cheese, and almond milk at the rate i do, i should be fine in the protein department. i probably should cut out ramen noodles and other crappy instant carbs from my diet (except oatmeal). i also should be eating more fruits and vegetables in general. for some reason my parents buy bags of celery but never use it,, so i can probably eat that, even though i fucking hate celery. my parents also don't really buy fruit except for oranges and lemons and tomatoes,. so i'm on my own with those. my sodium intake. can stand to be lower as well, and i should drink more water. i can probably allow myself like. 4-5 junk meals a week. that, on top of working out often, will make my life not miserable in terms of health?

[fuckbean]

wish i was never sexually abused as a kid lol!!! wish i could exhibit normal sexual behaviors without feeling Terrible hahaha. not to blame my trauma on my mom but her refusing to educate me on sexuality and stuff left me vulnerable to b taken advantage of by multiple abusers throughout my childhood and then i was too ashamed to talk to her about it so it continued happening!!! isn't that fucked?

[fuckbean]

can't wait 2 b my best self with dreadlocks again, i miss them more and more everyday, i just wanna go back 2 what's always felt right and what's been easiest for me hehe