this sounds crazy but I'm probably literally insane so it's going to sound that way these last few months have been the worst time of my life. I tried to kill myself again and failed. each time I try I feel a part of me die. the first time it was my innocent and naive love. that persona shriveled and died, murdered by the terrible sadness and perceived rejection that accompanied it. this second time has been the death of my indifference, my tendency to surrender to circumstance and shut my brain off until I feel it's safe again. this was an intentional murder. this was revenge for what that part of me has turned my life into. there is still a person in me who yearns for love, and acceptance, and forgiveness. I do not want them to die. this is my rapunzel, locked away where it cannot cause me pain. where it cannot make me feel this way again. what's left are my robot brain and my nonromantic passions. I care no more for relationships and sex or closeness (the only exception being, of course, the person who can never love me). I focus on art and music and fucking networking even. but no, nobody can breach me. no one will use me. and when these personalities are out of steam and tired rapunzel will still surface and sob and scratch and rip at my flesh, bruise the cage she is trapped in. but no one will see her and she will not escape. not anymore. I am invulnerable now. truly.
prguitarman
amandla
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
