this is how i wanna be
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@fuckkkinghelll
this is how i wanna be
Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.
I am at the highest weight I have EVER been at and I have never hated myself more :)
Recovery is like cleaning out a house thatās been through a hurricane. Ā Thereās mud a foot thick on the floors; some of the windows are cracked; thereās leaves stuck in cracks you didnāt know existed.
So unlike in the movies, there are no ābreakthrough momentsā, where you suddenly realize one thing and the whole house is clean. Ā Oh there may be important turning points ā moments when you realize that those arenāt frosted windows, thatās dirt, and you need to clean it off, and thatās why itās so fugging dark in here. Ā And that is an important breakthrough, in the sense that without it you would not succeed in cleaning the house, but then you still have to clean the windows.
Therapy is just someone whoās had experience with post-hurricane cleanup, Consulting over the phone, recommending tools and giving you advice. āStart with the floor,ā they say, when youāre too overwhelmed to even begin, and they tell you what shovel to buy. Ā So you start shoveling, and itās HARD, and youāre exhausted all the time, and youāve only shoveled out the front hallway, and it feels like itās never going to really get better.
But you do get good at shoveling, and slowly you build up your strength, and after a few months you can shovel as much as you need to, but thereās still a LOT of mud here, so it takes a year to get that shoveled out, and your house is still muddy and the windows are cracked (and frosted), and thereās still debris everywhere, and every time you walk around youāre stepping an a quarter-inch of mud, but you CAN walk around, you can get anywhere you need to go, and the house is still a fucking mess, youāre a fucking mess, a disaster not fit for human habitation, but on the other hand you can no longer convince yourself that ānothingās ever going to workā. Ā It can get better. Ā You can point at things that used to be super-fucked-up and now are only moderately-fucked-up. Ā Progress is possible.
But then again, youāre not making any progress anymore. You thought you had the hang of it, but now the shovel isnāt working, and every time you shovel mud out of one place it slides into another and youāre not making any headway and you can barely pick up any mud with your shovel anyway and so maybe that was it ā you had a nice run, but this is as good as itās ever gonna get, youāre still gonna be fucked up forever, and you finally bring it up to your therapist, and they nod, and tell you to buy a hose.
So now youāre hosing down the floors, and thatās a new skill set to learn, and it splashes everywhere, and now youāve got mud on your walls, but it does get the floor clear. Ā But you hosed out the front hallway, and then realized that to clear out the living room youāre gonna have to hose it out into the front hallway, which means the hallwayās just gonna get messy again, so then you have to redo the front hallway, but you start planning out which rooms to do in which order, so it goes pretty smoothly after that, until the day when youāve got all the big mud puddles gone, but thereās still mud on the walls, and stuck in corners, and no matter how hard you spray you still end up with this thin coating of mud-dirt-dust on the floor after it dries, and honestly youāre making more of a mess than you are cleaning up a mess at this point. And you express your frustration, and the therapist tells you where to find, and how to use, a mop.
So you mop all the floors, and itās actually looking pretty good, and you remembered to start mopping from the inside out, so thatās not a big deal, until you open a door and realize you forgot to shovel out the pantry. You didnāt think it could get into the pantry, with the door shut, but there it is, mud 3 inches thick, and the only way to get it out is to shovel it, and youāll have to take it through the kitchen, so you have to shovel out the pantry, and then hose down the pantry, and then re-hose the kitchen, and then mop the pantry, and then re-mop the kitchen, and EUUURGHHHJHH.
But youāre really good at it, at this point, so itās not like itās a big deal. Ā Itās irritating af, and youāre sick to death of doing this, but itās not scary, or overwhelming, or horrifying. Ā Itās just really, really annoying.
And the fact is, you will never be done cleaning. Ā Even if thereās never another hurricane, thereās dishes, and dust settling on counters, and spills, and mud tracked in after snowstorms, and laundry. Ā Thereās not some magical moment when youāre ādoneā, and you can stop working forever (except possibly, depending on whoās right about the afterlife, after you die). Ā But you do reach a point where you it transitions from āimpossibleā to āmeh, just a thingā
You do reach a point where you look around, and youāre kinda proud of what youāve done You do reach a point where you recognize that your current tools arenāt doing the job you need, and you research and find and learn how to use a tool all on your own. You do reach a point where, when you see a storm coming, you know how to prepare for it, and you purchase and lay out all the supplies you need, and when the storm finishes, you can get your house back up and ready in practically no time at all. You do reach a point where storms arenāt so scary, because you know how to weather them and you know for a fact that you can recover from them. You do reach a point where friends ask you for tips on how to clean their houses You do reach a point where, every time you need a tool, itās one you already posses. You do reach a point where youāve replaced all the windows and sealed up all the cracks and replaced the insulation, and for the first time, youāre comfortable all the way through a winter. You do reach a point where someone compliments you on how clean and comfortable your house is. You do reach a point where youāve done all the remediation, and you can start remodeling the house to fit your needs.
So yeah, itās a lot of hard work thatāll never be done. Ā But itās also so, so worth it.
things I want
collar bones
thigh gap
cheek bones
visible ribs
flat stomach
cute little butt
slim ankles
noodle thighs
fragile wrists
Day 1
SW: 65kgs
CW: 63kgs
LW: 54kgs
UGW: 45kgs
My Reasons for Losing Weight
For My Health
To have better skin
So I donāt sweat profusely
So I can walk up a flight of stairs and not feel out of breath
So my back wonāt hurt
So my knee wonāt hurtĀ
So my doctor will never say, āyou really need to lose some weightā to me ever again
So I donāt have to worry about arthritis or other illnesses that accompany obesity
For Vanity
To feel better about myself
To look good in tight clothes
To be able to wear shorts in the summer
To be able to go into any store, and buy the clothes I like, not just the ones that fit
To not feel awkward about going clothes shopping or shoe shopping
To be able to order clothes from a catalogue without worrying if they will fit
To be able to wear something that doesnāt say PLUS on it
So my pants wonāt wear out between my legs while the rest of them are still in good shape
So I can look in the mirror from the neck down and like what I see
So I can wear tight jeans
I want to wear underwear that looks sexy
So I can show off my legs
So I can go into public and not feel like people are judging me
So I can wear tops without worrying about the dents from my bra showing trough
So that my boobs stick out more than my stomach ā not the other way around
For a Better Quality of Life
To be able to use a public toilets comfortably
I want to be able to read the scale by just looking down, straight down
So I donāt get those indents on my thighs from the arms of the chair Iām sitting in
So I can cross my legs
So I can get up from the floor in one smooth move and not a grab and hold on to something move
So I can sit on a bar stool and Iām actually sitting ON it, not on it and around it too
So a regular towel goes all the way around meĀ
So my socks pull all the way up
So I can hug my knees to my chest again, and itās comfortable
So I can fit into the cinema/stadium/airplane seats comfortably
So I can bend over comfortably to tie my shoes
For My Self-esteem
So I can go swimming without being self-conscious
So I donāt worry about chairs breaking
So I donāt have to ask for the additional seat belt on an airplane
So I can dance without being self-conscious
So I can go on rides at amusement parks again and not have to experience the embarrassment of having to get off because I donāt fit
So I donāt have to worry about the maximum weight before I using things
So I donāt feel awkward when people start talking about losing weight
So no one can ever call me āa big girlā ever again
So Iām not embarrassed to have my picture taken
So I can say my weight out loud
So furniture doesnāt groan when I sit on it, or wear out long before it should because Iām too heavy
Things to look forward to when I'm skinny:
wearing jeans that i didnāt fit before
wearing dresses and not worrying about how fat my legs are
my thighs not rubbing
when i jump up and down, no body parts jiggle
having abs + flat stomach
not having to cross my arms during church or anything to cover my fat rolls
NO FAT ROLLS
not feeling so hot during summer (because i have extra fat and so i retain more heat? lol)
being skinnier than b
having b pick me up
coming back to school in august and having people be like āHOLY SHIT YOU GOT SKINNIERā
bikinis and swimming pools
being skinner than my bitchass cousin
artistic, smart, friendly,Ā skinny
being able to wear leggings and not looking like an oompa loompa
not being the fat friend
not being the fat friend
not
being
the
fat
friend
prom shopping :)
not crying in the dressing room because nothing fits
thigh gap
high knee socks without fat hanging from the side
no muffin top
when i wear skirts, my body doesnāt look disproportionate (from the muffin top sides :c)
christmas, having cousins see me again
graduation - aussie relatives come over and not be disappointed in my weight
not bothering b about lunch money or anything because i donāt want to eat
being able to share with b because i donāt eat much and we can save money together
being able to wear contacts w/o having to worry about my fat face
church festival
self confidence
feeling clean and healthy and empty all the itme
when we do fitness gram, not having to worry about seeing ā140ā on the weight scale
not looking fat in pictures/photos
will add more
Reasons to lose weight :
- Be happier
- Feel comfortable on the beach
- Donāt get stressed when someone asks my weight
- Donāt get worry about being to heavy when a guy wants to ālift me upā
- Feel confident wearing shorts
- Donāt worry about being a pear shape anymore
- Donāt feel ashamed of eating unhealthy food in public
- ā Did you lost weight ? ā
- Donāt mind about calories, food anymore
- Donāt worry when someones touches my tummyĀ
- Donāt worry when someones stares at me
- Be more confident about myself
- Wear smaller sizesĀ
- Be the āskinny friendā and not the fat one
- Be proud of my hips
- And much, much more. I just want to be happy and confident (;Ā
I wanna be light enough
Light enough to sit in his lap
Light enough to be carried by him
Light enough for him to piggy back me
Light enough to lay on his chest
Light enough for him
I just want to be light enough
girl-waningās Ultimate Self-Care Shower
We all have bad days.
People in the ED communuty, though, are more susceptible to having some really, really down and confusing days. Whether youāve binged, or gone over your limit, or havenāt eaten anything today, or are having a hard time on your road to recovery, this is for you. We all deserve to feel pampered and loved, and it starts with loving and pampering our own damn selves.
ā” Take it off! Get naked, take out your earrings, take off your necklaces and watches and any other jewelery you may be wearing.
ā” Brush your hair. Start with the ends and work your way up to the roots until there are no knots or tangles to be found.
ā” Hop in and take your time finding that perfect water temperature. Mine is mildly scalding.
ā” Take your time shampooing and conditioning your hair. Donāt muss up your brushed hair in the process ā just gently work the shampoo through your smooth hair and massage it gently into your scalp. Same with conditioner. Take it slow, enjoy the feeling of how soft and silky smooth it gets.
ā” Wash your face! Be it with face wash or the warm water, open those pores and let them breathe.
ā” Wash every inch of your body. Behind your ears, the nape of your neck, the backs of your thighs, the bottoms of your feet. Take the time to really scrub and get squeaky clean!
ā” Shave! Anywhere you desire, just be sure to use a shaving cream or some conditioner to avoid razor burn or irritation, especially on your legs if you shave them.
ā” Clean where it matters. You know what Iām talking about, hygiene is important!
ā” If youāve got a sugar scrub, use it. Arms, legs, wherever. Rub it in until the sugar grains melt and youāre left freshly exfoliated and smelling like a dream.
ā” Hop on out. Close your pores by pressing a washcloth with cool water on it to your face. Moisturize right after.
ā” If your shower was hot, put some lotion on your legs to avoid redness and dry skin ā trust me, thereās nothing worse, especially in the winter.
ā” Brush your teeth!
ā” Get into your comfiest pajamas, heat up some tea, and settle in with a good book or your computer and do something you enjoy. Relax. Let your hair dry naturally. Embrace the way it feels to be clean and comfortable. You deserve it, love. Always remember that tomorrow is a new day and you can turn it into anything you want.
Stay safe, loves. I hope this helps ā”
20 Reasons Not to Bingešš
1. because eating will set you back. it will only take longer for you to become skinny. 2. is it really worth the guilt & self hate? when skipping that meal will make you feel 10x better in about 10 minutes. 3. skinny thighs, in everything. - skinny jeans. - skirts. - sitting, standing, & laying. 4. a flat stomach. - laying, sitting, & standing. - bikini tops. - crop tops. - tank tops. - sports bras. 5. collarbones. - necklaces. - v.neck shirts.
6. tiny wrists. - bracelets. 7. tiny arms. - baggy shirts. - to be able to wrap your fingers around most of your forearm. 8. narrow face. - defined cheekbones. - defined jawline. 9. tiny neck. - neck lines, showing you lost weight. 10. concerned looks/complements. - have you ate today? - wow, youāve lost weight. - wow, youāre getting really tiny.
11. bony fingers. - rings. 12. ribs. - to be able to lay & see them. - to be able to turn a certain way & see them. - to be able to see them in general. 13. to feel in control. - to be able to say ānoā to someone offering food. 14. to see the number on the scale go down little by little. 15. to experience reaching your goal weight. how good it will feel. 16. to not be the fat friend anymore. 17. to be able to wear a bikini this year & rock it. 18. to be able to wear leggings & see my thigh gap. 19. to be able to wrap my hands around the side of my waist. 20. to finally be happy.
it takes time. be patient.
- waisted thin. (this is for self motivation)
Not me, stay strong loves~ š Donāt forget to follow for more posts ā£ļø
Beach thinspo