Depression has set in.
It’s been over ten years since I have had feeling for another man. After Donald and the aftermath that followed the end of our endeavor, I closed my self off. I made a promise to myself to never let myself go, never to forget myself.
It worked for many, many years. I was content with being by myself. Happy to just make friends. It worked.
That was until recently.
I started playing online games and loved that I could meet new people from all over the world and I was addicted to the feeling.
That’s how I met Kurt. He seemed like a funny, optimistic, smart man. From the moment I met him he made me laugh. And I enjoyed our time together.
The funny thing about Kurt was he was very flirtatious but identified as straight. The first night he played together he send me a picture of his beautiful penis.
This has happened before but I was surprised he send me a picture the next morning of is beautiful morning wood. I was instantly flabbergasted. But it awakes something in me.
Over the next few weeks as we hung out, I couldn’t help but notice how much attention he gave me. It made me feel great.
We talked about many things including having sex and what we would do to each other. This is where I fucked up.
I’m not the kind of guy to hit on a straight man because it always seemed like a waste of time. But he was different.
Over the time we spent I really grew to enjoy him and his personality. For once I didn’t focus on looks because I thought i found a connection. I was wrong.
As time passed by we still kept our sexual banter until one day he messaged me. My heart sank.
He told me what I was doing made him really uncomfortable and he wanted me to stop because he was a straight man.
Not only did this Break my heart, it also embarrassed me because I alway stayed away from relations with straight men in that manner.
I was hurt and embarrassed.
Time has passed and we are friends but I can’t even begin to explain how I felt for the few weeks. He made me feel special and I liked it.
I will get over this but damn, why am I so fucking stupid.
