Great Monologues

Created out of my own need for classifying and organizing monologues I discover and come across. Nothing here is my own.

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

SMOKE// JOHN// KIM DAVIES

This monologue has been spliced from dialogue with added clarifications for specificity. 

“JULIE , a privileged college student, ducks into the kitchen for a cigarette at her very first BDSM party, she encounters JOHN, a veteran on this scene and, as it turns out, her artist fathers intern. They push each others buttons and boundaries as this powerful, sexually charged play drives towards its shocking finish.”

JOHN 

You know...you know, if you just call up a pet store, and ask for like 300 goldfish or whatever, they don’t want to sell them to you. Because they think you’re using them for animal experiments or something perverted - or whatever- / I was like,  “Umm this is for a major American artist,” sure and they were like “You’re shitting us”. Like so much fucking attitude. / But hell yeah, I got the goldfish. Online. It’s like 30 dollars for 100. / It was a huge pain in the ass. / Well, once he’s done [shooting the pictures], he doesn’t want 300 goldfish. He doesn’t even want one in a bowl. So I had to call the company and ask if I could ship back these goldfish - no, i’m serious. Because what can you do? And they were like no, go fuck yourself. So then I call up the pet store - the same assholes that gave me all the attitude in the first place, and I was like, I want to sell you 300 goldfish. And they were also like, fuck you. But they would take them for free. And so now I have to get like 300 goldfish to union square so I cabbed it. With 300 goldfish downtown and - are you an animal rights person? Because I gotta be honest with you, some of those goldfish did not survive the trip. 

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

SMOKE // JULIE//KIM DAVIES

This monologue has been spliced from dialogue with a short change from “But anyhow, I was like, um, maybe you can hold me down a little?” to a more active question. 

“JULIE , a privileged college student, ducks into the kitchen for a ciggarette at her very first BDSM party, she encounters JOHN, a veteran on this scene and, as it turns out, her artist fathers intern. They push each others buttons and boundaries as this powerful, sexually charged play drives towards its shocking finish.”

JULIE: 

I feel - I feel like the biggest nerd here./ Ok... um... ok... I, uh, I know I like having things, um-rough - / I’ve been curious about, um, certain stuff, but when I brought it up, guys have always been like, no, that’s weird, I’m not doing that to you. / Like...really simple stuff. Like spanking, even./ Like the kinkiest thing that happened at Kenyon is the date-rape on the weekends. Sorry. That was offensive. The acquaintance rape on weekends. Okay. But yeah. Spanking. I don’t think  I even got around to asking for anything crazier than that. And that’s not even crazy. They do it in porn. Not very intense porn, even. I know as a feminist I’m not supposed to do anything I see in porn, but um, some of it looks really fucking fun. But anyhow, umm, maybe you can hold me down a little? 

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

OH HI THERE

Hi all, 

It’s been one hot ass minute hasn’t it? Hope everyone is staying safe and feeling creatively challenged somehow. I am so sorry for my absence. To make it up to you I’m challenging myself to post one monologue a day for the month of March. 

Much love 

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Edward Albee's "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf" , George plays get the guests

Edward Albee's "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf" In the play, this 'speech', is a number of dialogues between George and the others. I adapted it to make one audition speech.

Intro:

Martha's father practically owns the college of Carthage where George is a Professor of History. Consequently, George is also owned and both he and Martha know it. Their marriage history is filled with gin, bitterness and recrimination. Nick, a new teacher at the college, and his wife Holly, have been invited by Martha for a late night drinkie. Nick is young and attractive. Everybody drinks, and says, too much. For two, long hours Martha flirts clumsily with Nick, and taunts her husband George until he cracks, attacking her. Nick effortlessly pulls him off and throws him to the ground. Now, humiliated, George bites back.

George: Well that's one game. What shall we play now, hunh? I've got it! I'll tell you what game we'll play. We're done with Humiliate the Host ... this round, anyway ... we're done with that ... and we don't want to play Hump the Hostess, yet ... not yet ... so I know what we'll play. We'll play a round of Get the Guests. How about that? How about a little game of Get the Guests?

Well Martha ... in her indiscreet way ... well, not really indiscreet, because Martha is a naive at heart ... anyway, Martha told you all about my first novel ... my ... memory book ... which I sort of prefer she hadn't, but hell, that's all blood under the bridge. BUT! what she didn't do ... what Martha didn't tell you about is she didn't tell us about my second novel. No, you didn't know about that, did you Martha?

Well, it's an allegory really - probably - but it can be read as straight, cozy prose ... and it's all about a nice young couple who come out of the middle west. It's a bucolic you see. AND, this nice young couple comes out of the middle west, and he's blond and about thirty, and he's a scientist ... and his mouse is a wifey little type who gargles brandy all the time and they got to know each other when they was only teensie little types, and they used to get under the vanity table and poke around AND!

And Mousie's father was a holy man, see, and he ran sort of a travelling clip joint, based on Christ and all those girls, and he took the faithful ...... that's all ... he just took 'em ... and he died eventually, Mousie's pa, and they pried him open and all sorts of money fell out ... Jesus money, Mary money ... LOOT!

But that's in the backwash, in the early part of the book. Anyway, Blondie and his Frau out of the plain states came (chuckle) and settled in a town just like nouveau Carthage here. But Blondie was in disguise, really, all got up as a teacher, cause his baggage ticket had bigger things writ on it ... H.I. Hi! Historical Inevitability. And part of his baggage was in the form of his mouse and one of the things nobody could understand about Blondie was his baggage ... his mouse, I mean. I mean here he was, pan-Kansas swimming champeen, or something, and he had this mouse, of whom he was solicitous to a point that faileth human understanding ... given that she was sort of a simp ... like as I said, she tooted brandy immodestly and spent half of her time in the upchuck. But she was a money baggage amongst other things ... Godly money ripped from the golden teeth of the unfaithful, a pragmatic extension of the big dream ... and she was put up with. AND now we get a flashback to How They Got Married.

Well how they got married is this ... The Mouse got all puffed up one day, and she went over to Blondie's house, and she stuck out her puff, and she said ... look at me. Look at me ... I'm all puffed up. Oh my goodness, said Blondie. and so they were married. And then ... and then the puff went away ... like magic ... pouf!

And that's how you play Get the Guests.

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Polaroid Stories/ SKINHEADgirl/ Naomi Iizuka

SKINHEADgirl

fuck-fuckfuckfuck- i can’t believe this, i can’t believe this shit- i don’t care, i aint scared, cause i’m like this princess in this fairy tale, this fuckin rad-ass fairy tale and i don’t get scared ever, cause the princess always lands on her feet, she always ends up ok in the end, for real, yeah, she does.

once upon a time, once upon a time, once upon a time, this princess she falls in love with this guy named roger, cause roger, he was like her first love, man, roger was her knight in shining armor, he was her prince, and they woulda lived happily ever after, too, cept, that roger, roger turned out to be this total headbanger freakazoid freak, listening to deep purple in his mommas basement all day long, full of bullshit about the end of the world. loved to smoke weed. roger was a pig for weed- man, she ended up hating that guy. on the road, the princess met up with chilly, and the princess, she kinda liked chilly - she got chilly willy tattooed on her in honor of him. on her ankle, little, tiny, chilly willy, cost her forty bucks too. chilly was sweet, but he had real bad teeth. his teeth, they were all blue. she said to him, chilly, man, why are your teeth blue? what kind of freak are you to be having blue teeth? later she found out chilly was drinking bleach for the buzz - not enough to kill him, just enough to turn his teeth blue. later they all fell out, every single one. guy was nineteen and not a tooth in his head. the princess left chilly on account of the teeth thing, cause the teeth thing, that was just way too deep. 

after that, the princess met jesus. she met him hitching back from wisconsin. she gave him shit on account of that name. she said to him, no white guy is named jesus, not for real, but she like him, she really did. he was tall and he had long arms he could wrap around her, and he smelled like peppermint, and the princess, she thought he was like the real deal, until the night he dropped her off, and left without a word, and then she realized jesus probably wasn't even his real name, and he was just another loser like everybody else she ever knew, and she was so deep in the shit this time, there wasn’t nobody going to be able to bail her out, cause she was shit out of luck, she was truly fucked- no hold up, that aint how it goes, that aint it - fuck fuck. 

once upon a time, speed racer, he comes along from straight out of nowhere, and he rescues her, and they live happily every after, and all that - fuck, never mind, that ain’t it, that aint how it goes. and after a while, the princess, she just stops i just stop, and it’s like i’ve been here all my life and i begin to feel someplace of something, something big as the whole night sky, heavy and full, like how the air gets right before a storm, all electric-like, closing in on me, darkness all-around me, and inside the dark, inside the inside, i see all these lights, like stars in some far off galaxy, and i’m thinking to myself, how beautiful they are and i’m so close i can almost touch them so close, i can’t even tell where i stop and where they begin --

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Challenging myself to a one week monologue a day

I have quite a lot of auditions coming up...constantly on the search for that perfect monologue. 

I can’t really help with monologue suggestions currently, hopefully that will change soon. Expect a post on how to find the perfect monologue for you soon as well!

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

I am not Eric Garner. I am black. I am middle class. I am female. I am small. I am not considered a threat. When police see me they see someone who looks like a threat. I am at risk of being shot by police for existing while black. I am at risk of being shot while unarmed. I am at risk of being shot while armed with nothing more than a BB gun. I am at risk of being shot for reaching for my wallet. I am not privileged. I am outraged. And if you aren’t outraged, then you aren’t paying attention. This is America now. This is our reality. It’s so easy to get jaded and to ignore these atrocities, to act like this doesn’t affect us. It’s so easy to get apathetic. In the past it was the youth who protested. Where is the rage of the youth? Where is our rage? Like I said, I am not Eric Garner. But I am outraged.

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone has the digital access to the entire Pterodactyl by Nicky Silver script. I can't seem to find the ebook online. There are only the books version on amazon and other sites that would take forever to arrive Malaysia. Need it quite quickly.

[fuckyeahgreatplays]

Stars are suffocating in the sky and the earth is choking on itself.

Outside Mullingar (via fuckyeahgreatplays)

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Check out this awesome new show I'm working on!

https://www.facebook.com/PTSDtheplay

It's a one woman show about a clown navigating the college sexual assault crisis. It is both beautiful and inspiring and one of the most profound pieces of theatre I've had the joy to work on.  It will run during Frigid NYC! 

Check it! 

[theforce]

I feel so useless sitting here. What can I do to help Ferguson??

there’s a bail and legal fund that’s been set up for those who’ve been arrested 

this person is trying to organize a food drive for school kids in ferguson. 

national moment of silence 2014 (for victims of police brutality) 

share the following: 

videos of what has happened

links to articles

how to make a tear gas mask

livestream link to the peaceful protests

Ferguson Police DepartmentEmail (taken off the site) 

222 S. Florissant RoadFerguson, MO 63135

Ph: 314-522-3100Fx: 314-524-5290

[theforce]

updated 11/24 

this campaign started on october 19th and will close december 18th only raised about $18,000 out of the $25,000 goal

change.com petition to protect people from police misconduct and brutality, still needs over 700,000 signatures to reach the goal of 1 million. 

donate directly to the family of mike brown

support for NGL (national lawyer’s guild) which has provided legal support for those arrested during the protests

[antediluvian-nightmare]

I am not Mike Brown. I am white. I am middle class. I am female. I am small. I am not considered a threat. When police see me they see someone who looks like them. They see their mothers, their daughters, their sisters, themselves. I am not at risk of being shot by police for existing while black. I am not at risk of being shot while unarmed. I am not at risk of being shot while armed with nothing more than a BB gun. I am not at risk of being shot for reaching for my wallet. I am privileged. But I am outraged. And if you aren’t outraged, then you aren’t paying attention. This is America in 2014. This is our reality. It’s so easy to get jaded and to ignore these atrocities, to act like this doesn’t affect us. It’s so easy to get apathetic. In the past it was the youth who protested. Where is the rage of the youth? Where is our rage? Like I said, I am not Mike Brown. But I am outraged.

: I am not Mike Brown.

I wrote this the week after Mike Brown was shot. I naively thought that this case would be different. That Darren Wilson would be punished, at the very least fired or pressured to resign. I thought that public outcry would mean something. I have never been more angry. I have never been more outraged. I wish I could say I were surprised.

(via sailorspacecase)

[fuckyeahgreatplays]

No parent should have to bury a child… No mother should have to bury a son. Mothers are not meant to bury sons. It is not in the natural order of things.

The Last Days of Judas Iscariot (via fuckyeahgreatplays) Tried to go to bed. Kept thinking of this monologue. Some have prayers, I have plays. (via fuckyeahgreatplays)

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

[hungerpunch]

this campaign started on october 19th and will close december 18th. it only has ~$5,000 out of the $25,000 goal raised. if you can’t protest, consider contributing, and if you can’t contribute, please signal boost.

[whiskyandoldspice]

i hope everyone is listening real, real close to what this prosecutor is saying

the media causes problems by “pouncing” on everything

the media, bloggers, anyone who questions the police in a public space — we are the ones who cause problems

don’t question the police...

[thecryingcryptid]

On August 9, 2014, Brown, an unarmed black 18-year old, was shot and killed by Wilson, who is white. The shooting led to demonstrations, confrontations with police, and some looting and violence.

[fuckyeahgreatmonologues]

Hi there, first up thank you so much for putting this blog together, it's genuinely quite inspiring. I came across your suggestion of jump/cut and listened to a performance on YouTube and I really love it and was hoping I could audition with it at NIDA, except I live in New Zealand and am absolutely unable to have the full play shipped over in time. Is there any chance you know where I could buy/find an online version, or whether you even have it yourself? Any help would be so so appreciated x

I don’t have it myself but someone else might! Anyone?