Every time my gender aligns with my gender assigned at birth I get scared. I get scared that I’m just faking being nonbinary that I’m just a cis girl who can’t accept that fact or that I only think I’m nonbinary because of internalized misogyny like so many people say.
But then it’ll shift again. And I’ll feel completely agender and I’ll be so comfortable and sure in my nonbinary identity.
But the thing is I’m allowed to feel female. I’m allowed to feel female and be afab and still be nonbinary because my gender is fluid. I’ve felt female for months at a time and begun to worry if this really was “just a phase” but then I’ll shift to agender for months at a time.
I don’t have a label that I like that suscintly describes how I feel. I’ve tried labels like demigirl, genderfluid, genderflux, but none of them fit me. They’re all completely real and valid identical but they’re not mine.
So I’m nonbinary. I personally use the words femme and agender to describe how I feel in a particular moment, but sometimes I’m just nothing at all. No word. No label. Genderless or in between or whatever I don’t always feel the need to define it. And that’s okay, I don’t need a perfectly accurate word to describe my gender all the time. I can just exist as a person.
