cw: vent/ mh/ ed/ general emotional vomit
idk whats wrong with me lately. i feel like i’m eating less than usual and i’m barely losing any weight anymore… i know it’s probably my metabolism and stuff but it’s annoying nonetheless. i feel so ugly all the time and not really sure how i look at any given time. i’m really awkward when out with friends because i suck at taking photos, i feel so unnatural, overweight and so weird-looking that i lose all motivation for it. i feel like i don’t know how to be pretty, or how to be happy and interesting. my friends are so beautiful and they make it look so effortless, even just in their mannerisms, whereas i look very robotic and uncomfortable in a lot of videos and in person too, i imagine. i’m not sure if these kind of posts come off as very self-absorbed but i feel like i can’t escape it, i constantly view myself in the third person and when i look in the mirror i see somebody very different to how i perceive myself. it’s hard to not ever seem to reach your goals and to always be just one step below average. i think it’s starting to affect my relationships too, because i can’t enjoy myself wholeheartedly and exist presently. i examine myself too much and how others may perceive me and i just feel stuck. anyway i hope if anybody reads this far (sorry) that you are doing well and if you feel weird too then that’s cool to know. <3
