garlic breath
it really shouldn’t be that difficult to design a blog i like. there’s no need for it to be this huge drawn out process. simplicity is key, right? this is supposed to be about finding my voice that got lost in corporate america/china/wherever electronics are made. i am mute. my mouth is all garlic from that chickpea sandwich and i wish there was something fun and upbeat i could write about. some crazy adventure. i could blog about being in my twenties but how trite is that? the point is, there are people far more articulate than i who have had and are having experiences while I am stuck in the drudgery of retail life. there’s nothing exciting about repeating yourself and having the same fucking conversations and small-talk and force laughing at the same jokes five times a day. i’m also very sick of being yelled at, for the record. but i need to stop comparing myself to others and just do my thing. but what is my thing? i used to think i knew. and i did. but somewhere along the way from then to now, it got stamped out of me or i grew to abhor the very thing that got my the job that burned me out. connection. now i’d rather be in silence than make conversation because that’s what i get paid to do every day. do i want to go to grad school for the wrong reasons? how can i even afford it and the living expenses and nyc or other city dwelling? today has been a waste and where is the eloquence? i need more informational interviews but i need to not feel forced into making things not awkward. find my way back to blueberry lollipops and zen living. meditate again. what if i tried now? the adderall won’t let me.
