Sceleritas Fel

Jubilant day milord!

[velinxi]

The dark urge and young lady Orin

[funsize-hat-man]

To think that Lady Orin would end up such an enemy to Bhaals beloved spawn :(

[soygrrl]

[precious-little-bhaalbabe]

Owlbear Cub: “You smell very delicious, but I will not bite you, because you are my friend :>”

My good Durge, crying: “He’s just like me fr. He’s everything I strive to be.”

[snowberry-pie]

couldn’t even focus on the rest of the dialogue because this sent me into hysterics

[dmbakura]

durge: sceleritas I think I am transgender

sceleritas fel: ooohh what a splendid journey of self discovery! the death of the former self is one of the most beautiful murders of all, milord! now come, let's go set an orphanage on fire

[colinarcartperson]

Trying to be chill while playing the dark urge feels like that old meme to me

[funsize-hat-man]

Nooooo!!! Master!! The blood of the innocents is good for your skin!!! The carbs in the bagels will bloat you!!

[funsize-hat-man]

Killing Orin is enrichment for my master! The dreaded murder lords blood calls for it, so I must ensure masters enclosure has plenty of sisters and uncles to murder! Otherwise he gets quite cranky.

[sleepyendymion]

*Sceleritas Fel voice* You are serving absolute cunt today, my dark master

[funsize-hat-man]

(the very Moment my writing/ideas stop beign cringe im gonna make a sideblog and nudge this lad, mark my w o r d s 👁👁🤌)

(We're all cringe here! Come talk to your horrible little butler! No pressure ofc but :)) )

[funsize-hat-man]

(OOC question, but how would you feel about someone making illustrations of posts here? Would it be okay to draw those?)

(Oh absolutely!! I love Scel and the Durges who've been interacting seem so cool! Absolutely go ahead and draw :)) pls tag or send the result to me when you're done tho!)

[funsize-hat-man]

Every day I suggest my horrible masters to feast on the flesh of the innocents, and every day they feast on normal food like bagels!

[darkestvices]

The tiefling rolled their eyes before signing, "I have to maintain appearances somehow. Trust me I wish to tear into flesh again, but society is not a fan."

[funsize-hat-man]

Oh come now master! There have been plenty of opportunities to slip away and feast!

With all of the lovely bodies you've been creating, surely you had the time to sever limb from corpse, to hide it away and feast when your travelling companions slumber!

Honestly master, I worry for you! You're not quite yourself lately. In the past you'd have simply killed those you travel with if they had problems with your diet- and then you could eat them too!

[darkestvices]

He had a point but to only have so little would be a waste of a perfectly good corpse. When Scleritas mentioned simply killing their companions they raised a brow. They didn't quite recall that part just yet.

"Perhaps I did." Vice still didn't quite know if they could trust the butler. Opting only to communicate with sign language out of convenience, but deep down they knew somewhere he could be trusted.

It was then a gruff yet feminine voice came from their throat. "These ones are still useful and I do not wish to reveal myself too soon."

[funsize-hat-man]

And what use might they be? I do not question your judgement, master- but perhaps such beings are simply...beneath you. I am certain that whatever you think you need them for, you are more than capable of yourself!

[darkestvices]

Vice paused perhaps they had been growing soft. They had been rather liking the company too which was odd, shit they were growing soft. The tiefling kicked at a pebble. "I don't know what use yet, but I feel like I need them for something. Even if they would make such pretty corpses."

[funsize-hat-man]

This is most strange behaviour from you, master! I know you are one to make powerful allegiances- the Baneite being a prime example. But these...simpletons? Why, the only use they can serve you is as meat shields! And you've scarcely needed such things before, what with your unbridled murderous urges.

[funsize-hat-man]

Which one of Durge's murders was your least favorite and why?

Oh, easily the bard! What was her name again? Alfie...Allira...ah, Alfira!

Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderfully gruesome murder, the bloody symbol draw on the ground was a rather fun touch! And it's always a pleasure to see someone's body so destroyed that their insides become their outsides!

But my dear, horrible master had absolutely no memory of the event! Naught but scant flashes of images! They do a disservice to the true gore that was created, and so sadly it is my least favourite of masters murders:(

The squirrel is a close second though, such a boring way to kill such an innocent creature! Just one kick, no dissection or anything- truly, it was in that moment that I began to fear my master would never fully return to me!

[funsize-hat-man]

Which death that Durge caused you was your least favourite one and why?

Oh, I fear master will be quite upset with me if I say I have a least favourite! But at risk of upsetting him...

There was one time he simply drowned me in an ogres bladder. Now, do not be mistaken- Sceleritas Fel is by no means averse to the gross and strange! But the smell, by Bhaals balls the smell! Ugh!

It stayed in my nostrils for weeks after, I'm fairly sure that ogre had some sort of infection or disease- I've witnessed many a victim piss themselves in fear, soil themselves when they die- but nothing quite so disgustingly pungent as that!

Truly, if master ever wishes to punish poor Sceleritas, he need only find another ogres bladder to dump me into!

[funsize-hat-man]

Baby giiiirl 😘 💋🥵 ✨😘❤️😍🥰

I'm babygirl?🥺👉👈 why thank you! But you'll have to try harder than that to pull my affections away from my dear master!

[funsize-hat-man]

I spilled lipstick in your Valentino white bag...

Oh- the stain pairs nicely with all the blood! Yes yes, very nice indeed! Thank you for your contribution to the artistry of my bag!

[funsize-hat-man]

((Just here absolutely vibrating that this blog exists, I hope I can think of something cool))

(Aaaa thank you love💕 I'll try and think of possible starters for non-durges too heh)

[funsize-hat-man]

It was taking far longer than usual for Sceleirtas to appear to you, the butler usually appearing almost instantaneously when you call for him.

As you tap your foot impatiently, he appears in a red mist. Though something is different...

There stands Sceleritas Fel, your loyal butler, covered in blood and holding a pink towel around his waist.

"Yes master?" He asks, trying to mask the slight annoyance in his voice. "Ever so sorry for the delay, I was in the middle of a bloody bubble bath! One must still take care of their skin, even when un-ageing and immortal!"

[ask-thedarkurge]

He raises his eyebrow ridge as he sees the half naked goblinoid butler. "I sure hope the towel is of that colour because you unsuccessfully tried to wash away blood from a white fabric and not because you like pink." He chuckles, leaning into his seat, before getting to the matter at hand.

"I don't know if you've heard of it already, but I have a child now. I am unsure if it has my actual divine blood coursing through its veins or it's just magic, but the resemblance is there. It even bit the chosen of Bane." He smiles unintentionally as he thinks of Gortash. "I put it into care of the cult, but I want you to make a good use of it. Hone its innate bloodthirst, turn it into a little assassin." He orders, curious about his reaction to this.

[funsize-hat-man]

Sceleritas' expression is vacant for a moment, before he perks up.

"Oh yes, the child! I have it on good authority that it is indeed a Bhaalspawn- or a Bhaalspawn spawn, if you will." He says, chuckling to himself at his awful joke.

"Rest assured master, the child will be raised with the utmost care and neglect! I will ensure it follows in your horrid footsteps, though perhaps with less patricide- wouldn't want it to cut your reign short!" He says with a bow, clasping his hands together.

"Will that be all, master?"