Fun with Romance Novels

Romance Novels are one of my favorite things, but sometimes they amuse me as well. All comments are meant in fun. Who doesn't love to laugh?

[funwithromancenovels]

Chocolate-Flavored Peen! #TasteThePeen

My example of how romance novels could be improved if authors were to make peens smell and taste like chocolate. It is only fair since nipples so often taste/smell like fruit/berries/candy! Enjoy!

Bonnie stared when Franklin finally revealed his fully engorged cock, which was bobbing slightly against his washboard abs and seemed to be reaching out to her. She could almost hear it call to her “Touch me. Taste me.” She couldn’t help but move forward as she went to obey its subliminal commands.

Once she got close to Franklin, she got down on her knees wanting only to get her mouth on his beautiful tool.

“It is majestic, Franky. So long and thick. It is going to feel amazing inside of me, pounding my pussy. But first, I need to suck this cock. My mouth is watering.” As soon as she finished speaking, Bonnie reached out to gently touch his cock and was impressed by its velvety heat and strength.

“It stands tall for you, my love. I have dreamed of your mouth for weeks now . . . . “ Whatever else Franklin might have said was lost as Bonnie finally grasped his dick and started rubbing her cheeks all over it.

“You smell divine. I cannot wait any longer.”

Bonnie took hold of his cock with her right hand to hold it at a good angle. Then she stuck her tongue out as far as she could and ran it from base to tip several times before taking it as far into her mouth as she was able.

“Mmmmm  . . . ,“ she moaned letting it slip out of her mouth for a moment. “You taste amazing. Like the finest chocolate with a hint of sea salt. I might not be able to stop blowing you.”

Once finished speaking, Bonnie went back to licking the best tasting cock she had ever encountered. The flavor was amazing, addictive even. It was so smooth, both the flavor and the texture. She could feel herself getting greedy as her vagina began leaking her special honey sauce. But Bonnie knew her pussy might not get any action because she wasn’t sure she was ever going to let Franky’s cock leave her mouth.

Wanting more, Bonnie began to suck his cock with abandon, as if it would spurt chocolate like the fountain at her cousin’s wedding last week. She needed that chocolate jizz. She could taste a hint of salty chocolate goodness in Franklin’s pre-come. It was driving her crazy.

“Oooh love . . . . . . . What are you doing to me? Your mouth is like heaven. I can’t hold on much longer.”

“Then don’t, Franky. Give me your hot load.” With that, Bonnie went back to sucking the head of his cock. She wrapped both her hands tightly around the base and started twisting them rapidly. It didn’t take long for Franklin to tense up, grab her head and start thrusting.

Several thrusts later, Bonnie was rewarded with copious spurts of ejaculate that did indeed taste like the most sinful chocolate ever made. Sadly, it was over too soon. Bonnie had swallowed every last drop but was already thinking about how long it would be until she could get more.

[funwithromancenovels]

Pedal to the Metal by Eden Connor

Some Thoughts:

This is the third book in Eden Connor’s cracktastic, redneck soap opera series, The ‘Cuda Confessions. It is hard to describe this series which centers around the life of Shelby Hannah which does indeed read like a soap opera.

When Shelby’s mother unexpectedly marries Dale Hannah, Shelby gets a new family that includes two new stepbrothers, Caine and Colt.These two get Shelby involved in drag racing - and sex. We are never quite sure what Caine and Colt are up to as they seem to lie and hide things from Shelby at every turn.

Pedal to the Medal starts during Shelby’s last semester of college where she went to leave her stepbrothers (and family) behind. She is engaged to someone else, determined to take her life in a different direction from her NASCAR driving family.

There is so much crazy going on in the entire series - and in this book in particular. Shelby has several big races throughout the series, and the biggest of all near the end of PTTM. She ends up suffering a miscarriage right as she needs to race - and she races and has the best time she has ever posted WHILE SUFFERING CRAMPS! This totally is indicative of the entire series. It is difficult to suspend one’s disbelief for so many of the WTF things that happen.

However, I could not put this book down. Eden Connor sucked me into this story. There is an intrigue plot that deals with Shelby’s father, their NASCAR racing team, a super rare car, etc. I loved how Connor resolved this story line.

There is a great deal of sex in this book (in the series really although book 2 has the least). The heroine has sex with many people in this series - mostly at the behest of the hero.

This story is not for everyone. Shelby’s hero is one of her stepbrothers and while this relationship isn’t really taboo, there are all sorts of things that might disturb some readers (orgy-like scenes where people involved are half siblings - they generally don’t touch at all). But it is engrossing. Very much so.

This series, this book in particular, is UNFORGETTABLE. It is highly WTF as well.

Book 18 of 2016. I purchased this ebook through Kindle Unlimited.

[funwithromancenovels]

Fully Ignited by Shannon Stacey

Some Thoughts:

This book comes out on 2/23/2016. I will be writing full review of it.

This is the third book in Stacey’s Boston Fire series. I recommend all books in this series. I mean hot Boston firefighters? So good.

In this story, it is Scott Kincaid’s time to find his true love. His heroine is his temporary lieutenant Jamie Rutherford. Because Scott works for her, they work hard to keep their relationship secret. However, the Kincaids seem to know all.

There is a FANTASTIC grovel in this one. Scott makes a very dumbastic move and has to make up for it.

I ADORED this romance!

Book 17 of 2016. An ebook was provided by the publisher.

[funwithromancenovels]

80s Mix Tape Anthology

Some Thoughts:

A full review is to come after this book is out on 2/9/2016. But this anthology is excellent. There are seven individual novellas in the anthology all written with an 80s song in mind. The stories complement each other so well, all new adult romances that delight.

One story features a rock star and the girl he left behind. Another has a hero on the run for a crime he did not commit and the girl he has loved forever. The third features a motorcycle club musician hero who falls in love with a runaway from the Russian mob. The fourth has heroine crusader who needs help from a fellow artist student. The fifth has a heroine who finds love in one night with a musician and has to take a chance on life. The sixth has a heroine who falls in love with a younger man and has to learn to bend a bit. The last story has a pre-med heroine who gets involved with a TA.

Book 16 of 2016. An ebook was provided by one of the authors.

[funwithromancenovels]

Malcolm’s Promise by Michele Zurlo

Some Thoughts:

This is a short story in Zurlo’s Doms of the FBI story that revisits Malcolm and his love and submissive (and mother of his child).

Malcolm returns home after an extended undercover operation (he works for the FBI) and his submissive is not happy.

Fans of the series will enjoy this glimpse into Malcolm and Darcy’s life.

A short read with some steamy moments.

Book 15 of 2016. I purchased this ebook.

[funwithromancenovels]

Wife Me Bad Boy by Chance Carter

Some Thoughts:

I could not finish this book. I bought because of the description that promised a hero who was going to “wife” the heroine so bad.

The hero is a douchebag. He pissed me off tremendously. He made me run away . . . . .

Book 14 of 2016. I got this book on Kindle Unlimited.

[funwithromancenovels]

For the First Time Anthology

Some Thoughts:

See my full review on this book that includes 21 stories. Yes, 21. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of words in this book which made it difficult to read this book.

One of the stories in this anthology involves twincest. This story almost broke me as I was not prepared for it. I really should’ve skipped this story, but I did not . . . . .

Book 13 of 2016. I received an ebook copy of this book for review from one of the authors.

[funwithromancenovels]

Mistaken by Laurelin McGee

Some Thoughts:

This is my first book by Laurelin McGee, but it won’t be my last. This is a novella that is both cute and sexy.

Jaylene is a strong and confident woman - one who considers herself a feminist. She in intrigued by her new neighbor Noah who seems to be hiding things . . . .

Noah likes to be in charge in the bedroom and Jaylene sees submission as anti-feminist. She can be a bit judgmental about this - and about the issue of romance novels. This is critical because Noah is a romance author.

This is review book that I received from the publisher.

Book 12 of 2016.

[funwithromancenovels]

Sebring by Kristen Ashley

Some Thoughts:

Sebring made me so very happy. I did not care for Nick when reading Knight. He came across as a spoiled and entitled ass. But Kristen Ashley redeemed him and made me a Nick Sebring convert.

Nick’s heroine Olivia Shade made the book for me, however. She is a woman in a very bad place. From very early on, Nick knows that she is broken and realizes that his plans to use her to enact his revenge aren’t going to go as planned. She is a very tortured character with one of the douchiest families ever. 

Nick was perfect for Olivia. And what he does for her is so wonderfully romantic.

Many people had commented that the epilogue in this book is epic - and they were right. Sebring concludes Ashley’s Unfinished Heroes series and as such, we see most of the characters from the series in the book and in the epilogue.

I adored this book although Knight will always be my favorite of the series.

Purchased book

Book 11 of 2016

[funwithromancenovels]

Hidden Ink by Carrie Ann Ryan

Some Thoughts:

Emotional and angsty read. See my full review.

Spurt Count: 1 - “Spurts of come hit the shower wall then slid down in the now cooling water”

Book 10 of 2016

[funwithromancenovels]

Hold Me Until Forever by Christina Phillips

Some Thoughts:

There is no way I can resist a romance where the heroine has been in love with the hero forever and the hero just happens to be a #RomDom. In this one Ella has known and loved Alex for most of her life. She currently works for him, but has plans to finally move on. She has quit her job and is moving. This, of course, makes Alex take notice.

Alex is one of those “I can’t sully the sweet and innocent love of my life with my dark and dirty desires” - which I may make fun of, but I can’t resist. He can’t resist Ella when she expresses interest in his BDSM club and says she is willing to go there.

Alex only has sex at his club and he starts his relationship with Ella this way. He is convinced he can’t have a normal relationship. But sexually, he and Ella are very compatible - even though Ella has never been involved in kink before (she kind of lets him believe she has).

I really enjoyed this book. Alex is a tortured, damaged dude who needs a good whack to the head. But the sex is hot and plentiful - and the romance satisfies.

Book 9 of 2016.

[funwithromancenovels]

Persuaded by Riley Murphy

Some Thoughts:

This is so far my favorite of the Make Me series featuring #RomDom Greyson Maddox and his lady love Peyton Thomas.

The series has a very convoluted suspense plot that I had trouble following in the first two books. However, things made more sense to me here - but then of course Murphy threw some very interesting twists in the story.

This one is a 2 spurter: The first is a hot, salty spurt. The second is hot salty spurts.

Greyson is a very thinking sort of #RomDom as he is very much about the mental game of dominance and submission. This is interesting because Peyton doesn’t come across as a very submissive woman. It isn’‘t easy for her to submit. And meanwhile, Greyson just uses his words and logic (his sort of logic) to get her to submit. I found their relationship rather fascinating.

Funny quote; “It was the first thing I learned when I pulled by Dastardly Dom decoder ring out of the box.” I know they had these - probably at the secret BDSM sex clubs.

Greyson has a little buddy who happens to be a vibrating rubber ducky that he uses in his special bondage bathroom. This is hilarious scene.

Book 8 of 2016

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Dirty Little Lies by Clare James

Some Thoughts:

I read this because it was available on Kindle Unlimited and because of this sentence in the description: “ Gorgeous, single, and on a quest of his own, Gabe introduces Stevie to a lifestyle that is sure to help get her sexy back and then some. If she doesn’t chicken out … ” I wanted to know about the lifestyle. I’ve read the book and still have no idea what lifestyle he introduced Stevie to.

This one has many BIG MISUNDERSTANDINGS. In particular, the heroine’s ex reveals that the hero is married. She storms off refusing to listen to the hero. Someone else tells her about the hero’s wife’s death - and then she gets mad that he didn’t tell her the truth. Um dumbass, you wouldn’t let him tell you. ANNOYING.

Other than the misunderstandings, this one was okay. I did end up skimming heavily because I felt that parts of the story dragged.

Book 7 of 2016.

[funwithromancenovels]

Against the Wall by Jill Sorenson

Some Thoughts:

I have been waiting for Eric and Meghan’s story for YEARS (since they were introduced in The Edge of Night in 2011). This one takes place three years after the first book - and after Eric gets out of jail (start with Edge of Night!). And I am on such a happy reading high from this one.

This book will be out on February 2, 2016.

I LOVED IT SO HARD!!!

There is a spurt - #5 of 2016 #SpurtCount2016

This is book 6 of 2016.

[funwithromancenovels]

Drive by Teresa Noelle Roberts

Some Thoughts:

Roberts writes great BDSM erotic romance. She is a must read for me.

This one has an intriguing suspense plot that works well because the hero is a cop.

This is a cougar romance with a 45 year old heroine and a 30 year old hero. The age difference didn’t seem to be a major factor in the story (which is a good thing for me).

Overall, this is a very hot romance with great kink (dominant hero and submissive heroine.

This is a review copy. The book isn’t out until February 9, 2016. 

This is book 5 of 2016.

[funwithromancenovels]

A Moment of Weakness by Brooklyn Skye

Some Thoughts:

I thoroughly enjoyed this romance which pits a bad boy, down on his luck, single father with a young teacher heroine who is ready to take on the world - if she can make it through the summer until her new job starts.

Lauren ends up watching Micah’s young daughter Shae. He desperately needs help since he co-owns a bar and has to work as an enforcer for a mafia-type family.

The chemistry between the two is HOT! Micah is definitely a rough and tumble type guy but is extremely respectful.

This is my first Brooklyn Skye book but hopefully won’t be my last.

This is book 4 of 2016.

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Unexpected Gifts by Bronwyn Green

Some Thoughts:

This one is only 28pp but was free. I bought it because I am a fan of Green’s books.

This is a cute and quick read. The hero has been in love with the heroine for many years, but finally gets a chance to make his move.

Worth a read.

Book 3 of 2016.