C O M M O N W E A L T H

Further Beyond

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Choose Your Montage

According to Merriam-Webster, a montage is a “rapid succession of images in a motion picture to illustrate an association of ideas.” Essentially, it’s a technique used in films to show a character or plot transition in a short period of time using a series of short clips set to music.

We’re all familiar with them - the beginning of a relationship showing the happy couple having fun, visiting beaches and amusement parks, falling in love. Or, maybe they show a rejected and dejected former lover walking in the rain, eating alone and crying themselves to sleep. Many of the visuals and messages have become standard fare, even cliche. But, why?

The reason most montages resonate with people is because they elicit those thoughts and feelings that make us human. They display and remind us of the best and worst moments and experiences in our lives. The joy, the boredom and the heartache. The ecstasy, the numbness and the pain. The love, the anger and the loss.

Because the ideas and emotions conveyed by montages are so universally recognized, we often focus solely on them, rather than on the actual events and activities being shown (which, basically, is the intent behind using them). But, if we analyze what is going on during these montages, we discover that we know quite a bit more about the human condition and what it takes to improve it than we might think we do.

Ask yourself this question, “If someone suddenly obtained the unlimited ability, motivation and desire to improve his/her life, what would the montage in their movie look like?” Chances are, you can visualize quite a few scenes and actions they would take.

Let’s look at a few examples. In the movie, Yes Man, Jim Carrey’s character, Carl, is bored with his life and his career and generally languishes at home missing his girlfriend, who recently broke up with him. However, Carl runs into an acquaintance, who tells him about a life changing personal development group he joined, and Carl attends an event and becomes converted into saying, “Yes!” to everything in life. So, armed with this newly found positivity, what does Carl do? He does what you would expect - he takes piano lessons, flying lessons, learns a foreign language, helps plan his friend’s fiancé’s bachelorette party, attends events and engages in activities he never would have before, goes out of his way to meet others, saves someone who is threatening to jump out a window and commit suicide, falls in love, and basically has the time of his life. (In actuality, the whole movie isn’t a montage, of course, but there is one, and you get the idea.)

The film, Limitless, starring Bradley Cooper (who also was in Yes Man, coincidentally), involves a similar type of transformation. Here the slovenly, unmotivated, unproductive Eddie is an out-of-work writer, who understandably is rejected by his girlfriend. But, Eddie is given a new experimental drug that promises to create “the perfect version” of himself. And, what happens? Once again, it’s an easy prediction: Eddie cleans his apartment, finishes his book, gets in shape, gets a haircut and a new hip wardrobe, learns to play the piano (a requirement of enlightenment, apparently), learns advanced math that helps him win money playing cards, literally charms the pants off of every cute girl he meets, etc., etc.

The point here is that people choosing to actively live their lives, to better themselves, and to help others is obviously what you would do if you were given the power or the pill that miraculously imbued you with the ability to do so. Of course, good health, joy, contribution, and exhilaration do not come from reclining on the sofa, so that’s not what is shown in the personal development montages. Leisure might feel good, but achievement feels better.

Moreover, and more importantly, we all know this. If we didn’t, filmmakers would put different ingredients into their upbeat montage recipes. They have to know their audiences and try to speak to them, and the films you see are the result of that effort. In other words, the proof is in the pudding.

However, despite the fact that each of us easily could make a list of half a dozen activities that would go in the downer montages and another half dozen for the positive ones, we usually don’t follow our own advice. The way Tony Robbins puts it, “Most people know what to do, but they don’t do what they know.”

Arguably, there are many reasons for this, psychological, emotional and otherwise. To clearly determine the causes would take quite a bit of research and introspection, as each of us is living our own unique narrative with a different set of circumstances. Nevertheless, your life is your story, and you can choose your own montage.

Think about where you are in life and where you’re going. If you are dissatisfied in some way, sit down and visualize what your ideal future would look like, and then describe the actions you would include in your own personal montage, ones that would make you happy and energized along the way toward achieving your goals and dreams. (And, no, you don’t have to learn the piano - unless you want to.) After that, act out your montage!

Write your tale and live life on your own terms. You don’t have to be Walter Mitty and remember you can’t relive Groundhog Day forever until you get it right. So, you might want to get started. However, you already have the ability to say “Yes” to life, and you’ve made it this far through the story, which is a good start. Now go live the rest of your narrative and don’t be too worried about making mistakes, which will happen. We’ll just edit those out later.

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[further-beyond]

Learned Helpfulness

Half a century ago, Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, developed a theory referred to as “learned helplessness,” which held that, through administering a series of unpleasant and seemingly uncontrollable conditions, animals and humans could be taught that outcomes were independent of their responses. In other words, subjects could be trained to believe nothing one does matters. Thus, they learned that they were helpless.

However, through years of study and research, Seligman and his colleagues came to realize their original theory was backwards. Helplessness, or the assumption that control is not present, is the default human condition. They explain as follows:

…passivity and heightened anxiety are the default mammalian reaction to prolonged bad events. What can be learned is… that bad events will be controllable in the future… “hope” consists largely in the habit of expecting that future bad events will not be permanent, global, and uncontrollable, rather they will be temporary, local and controllable… Such expectations are likely the best natural defense against helplessness… (Maier, Steven F, and Martin E P Seligman. “Learned helplessness at fifty: Insights from neuroscience.” Psychological Review vol. 123,4 (2016): 349-67. doi:10.1037/rev0000033.)

Put differently, the default human response to experiencing persistent harmful or unpleasant conditions is the passive failure to learn to escape from or to avoid those conditions. Thus, we develop the implicit (if not explicit) assumption that we are powerless to improve our state of affairs.

However, while people naturally might come to believe they are incapable of changing their circumstances after repeated exposure to noxious stimuli, if Seligman and his colleagues are right, we can learn the opposite: the belief that we have the power to control our fate. Accordingly, this can be thought of as learned helpfulness or the acquired understanding that we can overcome our default assumption of helplessness.

This expectation of being able to control future bad events creates an empowered sense of helpfulness and the natural corollary of hopefulness. These dual benefits of learned helpfulness and hopefulness act as a sword and a shield in the battle against helplessness. Further, the belief that one has the power to change his or her undesirable circumstances can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a veritable positive feedback loop. Additionally, the unpleasant state may mean the presence of harmful conditions one wishes to eliminate, or it might be the absence of desirable ones you want to create.

So, the bad news is that a feeling of helplessness is our default condition when confronted with an interminable series of difficult or unpleasant conditions. On the other hand, the good news is we can overcome that state by learning we are not helpless and that we have much more control over our circumstances than we otherwise might think.

True learned helpfulness can take time, effort, conscious thought, and determination. It may not be easy. Thus, again, more bad news: It’s all up to you. But, the good news is it’s all up to you, too.

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More reading: Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, by Martin E. P. Seligman.

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[further-beyond]

Silver Linings

What exactly is a “silver lining,” what does the expression mean, and where did it originate?

According to Literary Devices, English poet and historian, John Milton, first coined the phrase in 1638 in his poem or, more accurately, masque entitled Comus. A masque was a form of festive, dramatic entertainment popular in Europe during the 16th and 17th centuries and is related to the term masquerade, both deriving from the Italian mascherata, which is where the practice is thought to have emerged.

The passage in Comus reads as follows:

Was I deceived, or did a sable cloud Turn forth her silver lining on the night?

Sable referred to the color black in British and French heraldry. Thus, Milton asks whether a dark cloud actually put forth light during nighttime.

Subsequent to the publication of Comus, the passage transformed over time into the popular phrase, “Every cloud has a silver lining,” which is a metaphor meaning that there are potentially positive aspects to every seemingly negative situation. Accordingly, there is an element of hope in every crisis and the possibility of redemption for each of our indiscretions. Misfortunes contain the seeds of future success.

Of course, the idea was not a new one. Fifteen hundred years prior, in his Meditations, the Emperor of Rome and Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, wrote about initially perceived interference to one’s purpose or activities and the fact that “the mind can convert and change everything that impedes its activity into matter for its action; hindrance in its work becomes its real help, and every obstruction makes for its progress.” Therefore, the apparent liability becomes an asset; the difficulty a lesson; the inconvenience an opportunity for reflection and refinement.

The important point here is that what might be seen as a problem at first actually can be a benefit to us, if we perceive and utilize it as such. The stumbling block can be a foothold with the proper mental reframing.

So, whenever a dark cloud looms overhead or appears to rain on our parade, we must look for the silver lining and let it illuminate the path out of darkness and despair. Doing so helps us to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to emerge better because of the experience.

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[further-beyond]

Sides

People who appear compelled to stand up for something apparently think that means they need to take sides, but that is a limited perspective and an incomplete analysis. There are no sides to the human form, to the human race, to our home planet, or to the universe, for that matter. 

Further, everyone should contribute to the great conversation of humanity and should be considered within it, whether actively participating or not. Likewise, any discussion at a macro scale (at least) should be based upon that underlying premise. 

Sociocultural stances, media headlines, celebrity soundbites, and political debates that are divisive, mean-spirited and accusatory should not be accepted as normal and inexorable, especially those pretending to be in the spirit of tolerance, inclusion and progress.

Any honest, thorough and valuable examination of the complex issues facing humanity must include all perspectives - left, right and otherwise. Those with a more conservative viewpoint tending to value tradition and stability must be heard, as should those liberal voices who focus on change and progress, in addition to those not clearly aligning with either camp. Eliminate any perspectives, and catastrophe ensues.

In the spirit of Burning Man, let’s practice a little radical inclusion, because there are no sides to a whole.

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Lessons from the Geese

Lessons from the Geese was written in 1972 by Dr. Robert McNeish, a science teacher and school administrator in Baltimore, Maryland. I have seen this in many formats online and thought I would summarize it here. I'm lucky enough to live in a location where honking geese often fly overhead, which always reminds me of this insight and inspiration.

Fact 1: As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an "uplift" for the bird following. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% more flying range than if each bird flew alone.

Lesson: When members of a group share a common direction and sense of community, they can go farther and arrive at their destination quicker and easier, because they are traveling on their combined efforts.

Fact 2: Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it immediately feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone, so it quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the "lifting power" of the bird immediately in front.

Lesson: Join with others who are headed where we want to go.

Fact 3: When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation, and another goose takes its place in the front position.

Lesson: Take turns doing the hard tasks and share leadership – people, as with geese, are interdependent with each other.

Fact 4: Geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front.

Lesson: Encourage those around you, take inspiration from others, and celebrate positive honking.

Fact 5: When a goose gets sick or wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow their fellow member down to help provide protection. They stay with this member of the flock until he or she is either able to fly again or dies. Then they launch out on their own, with another formation, or catch up with their own flock.

Lesson: If we have as much sense as the geese, we’ll stand by each other like that.

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If you're interested in the science, here's a good article.

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Annual Theme

At the beginning of the calendar year, many people make New Year's resolutions to change some undesired trait or habit and/or to accomplish some goal or otherwise attempt to improve their lives. However, truly resolving to change one's life and habits usually requires more than just a turn of the calendar page.

Thus, unfortunately, when our often-temporary motivation falters and we perceive a lapse back into rut and routine, the idealistic objectives we set for ourselves fade into fatalistic acceptance. Because, after all, everybody makes New Year's resolutions without really expecting to achieve them, right?

Rather than starting the new year off with a psychological loss, why not try a new perspective? Instead of establishing goals and resolutions, how about establishing a theme for the year?

A theme can be defined as a central topic or an underlying idea that recurs or pervades a work of art or literature. Come up with a general focus or a guiding principle for your year that will accompany and influence all you do and say and think.

No specific action or achievement is required, nor is there any standard by which you can be judged (especially by yourself). Your annual theme will be there to guide, inspire and ground you throughout the year, despite any perceived changes, failures or accomplishments.

Define your theme. Write your story. Live your life.

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H2H

There's no such thing as B2C or B2B. Everything is H2H: Human to Human. 

Understand that and treat potential and current customers as the real human beings they are, in other words, with kindness, empathy and respect.

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Intent

One of the key elements of success is intent. Another word for that could be mindset.

Your intent should be outwardly focused, instead of inwardly. It must be to selflessly provide value to others, rather than to selfishly achieve something for oneself.

This intent must be genuine and heartfelt. It can be neither artificial, nor superficial. If your hidden agenda or underlying goal is to profit at the other person’s expense, often they will sense that and (rightly) walk away. While you may close the occasional deal, you will lose in the long run.

Once you reframe the analysis and shift your mindset, you no longer need to sell prospective customers on your products and services. Your approach now becomes communicating and collaborating with them to discover how you can best serve their needs and provide them value.

Likewise, don’t just try to convert. When your purpose becomes one of entering into relationships, rather than just transactions, what to say and do becomes obvious.

Adopting this perspective requires one to act ethically and to think single-mindedly toward helping others. As such, people will want to work with you (assuming your company offers what they need). And, if you’re a good fit for each other, there is a likelihood of repeat business and of them telling their friends, family and associates what a great person and company you are. Consequently, your reputation is bolstered, and your brand is strengthened, which results in more and better opportunities.

Therefore, embracing the mindset of providing value is a good practical approach, because it is ROI positive. However, more importantly, it’s also the right thing to do.

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