"… so she tried t’subtly ask me what our future was gonna be and I’m sitting here like, two weeks into the relationship, four dates under the belt and I said ‘how far you wanna see, baby?' and she says, 'to when you’re gonna propose' ——- hold up, record skip, glass shatterin' sound effect, what the fuck we finna talk about? SO I DON’T SAY ANYTHING, MAN, BECAUSE I — I’m truly baffled. Utterly flabbergasted. It was that mind-boggling …. and you know how those firefreaks can be: literally hotheaded.
She melted my DVD player.
You know how mad you gotta be t’sit here and melt a man’s DVD player? You know how furious you gotta be to sit there and take away a man’s natural right to watch his third season of Grey’s Anatomy? That was a slight against me, Doctor McDreamy, Grey, the Hospital and the Sony company! So, I chose my words carefully, you know, real sweet-like, I said, ‘babygirl, you really wanna know what I see?’ and she calmed down, flames gone and everything and she said ‘what?’ and I went ….
’you buying me a new DVD player after you’ve left the house.’
…… so I switched the players ‘cause Mom had that old ass one made in, like, eighteen-aught-seven and she ain’t use it, so I hooked it up and the one time she goes to watch something, the one time, ‘WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE DVD PLAYER, GABRIEL.’
It overheated, ma.”
"I couldn’t get to first base with that girl ‘cause mama came in frothin’ at the mouth and hit me upside the head fiftyleven times tellin’ me, ‘IF YOU OUT HERE CALLIN’ YASELF FUTURE IN THE STREETS THEN WHY THE FUCK AIN’T YOU SEE THAT COMIN’.’
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
prguitarman
gracieabrams
romaincrisis
snowghoul
