Waiting to Disappear

My name is Jack Elliott Smith. I post my writings here. I like them well enough I suppose. I hope you do too :)

[fwoof]

March 23, 2019

Give me air or let me drown;

In this sea so far from you

Give me air or let me drown;

All I have left is sorrow.

Cut out the defective parts of me.

Leave me bleeding on the ground.

Tear these feelings from my soul.

Take all but the tiniest part of me.

Just free me from this pain.

My slow suffocation

I have asked you before, but I beg you now:

Take me away from here God.

Don’t make me hurt this way anymore.

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

November 3 2018

Sunlights leaks in through the window;

No curtains or pillows can keep it out.

Another day untill I can sleep again.

Sunlights leaks in through the window;

And with it, a day I already want to forget

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

October 9th 2017

If a sentence is written and no one is around to read it, does it make a sound? Are the meaning of my words less profound If what I write is never read aloud; Never seen, or heard. Never read, or pondered. Am I a writer, if I do not write? Am I a poet if I do not speak? Is a poet just a writer who talks about how they feel inside? They get up on stage to talk about parts of them that have died? Add in another alliteration, Till this thing you write becomes an aberration, So detached from the truth, but it's got a good flow. It no longer feels right, but it sounds cool though. If I stand on a stage, and profess my fears, It still hurts me, even if nobody hears. But I feel like I must edit to make it right; so when I get up here, and finally say it in the light- I can feel less vulnerable. Less scared Less of a mess. I write words of truth, but they soon become fiction; When after it's done I pretend I don't still have this addiction If what I write is never seen or heard, is it art? Or just a diary of things that are in my heart. Can I still create, without the facade? I crave to be great, to see people's heads nod. To agree with me To be with me, in this darkness To see for me, Can you help me tell the truth?

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

July 24th 2017

"Be Happy!" he said, as if the two words could cure disease. As if it were a simple decision I forgot to make; A box on a list I forgot to check A "happiness for dummies" book that I never read. But golly gee, I'm glad I have heard what you've said. Perhaps I can try it? -Wake up: done -Lay in bed: sure. -Choose happiness over crippling depression: ...nah. "Be Happy" he said, "just try to smile." Perhaps I could, I haven't bothered in a while. Speaking of bother, do you mind shutting the fuck up? Because if depression is a choice, then perhaps it's from choosing to listen to your voice. But you don't think about that do you? You don't think you maybe could change the things that you do, to make it easier on those you disapprove of who, believe it or not, try pretty damn hard, each every day to change who they are. But sure. You're right. We just need to grin. That will surely change the medical condition that we're in! So please, just give me some space, and kindly get the fuck out of my face.

[fwoof]

To The Love of My Life

When my mind becomes full with memories, and my thoughts become scattered and lost; When my skin becomes covered with shadowed cliffs and valleys of age; When our laughs become hoarse chuckles; When our bedtime becomes 7pm. When we spend whole days without needing to say a single word; for words are no longer important. It will be because we have lived a full life loving one another. I will never tire of your laugh, your smile, your mind, and your love, for as long as I live.

- July 8th 2017 -

[fwoof]

July 5th 2017

When dreams breed regret, And imagination brings dread, Where then will I turn to leave behind the voices in my head.

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

June 18th 2017

You woke me up with poetry and kindness. You stirred my soul with silent stares and starlight. When I opened my eyes, I finally saw you; and with you, my minutes, days and seconds ahead; my joys and sorrows and laughter too; I opened my eyes and saw you, and with you a lifetime of love.

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

June 17th 2017

I listen to you cry. What makes your heart bleed? Is my silence another cut in your chest? Any words that I say feel empty. Though truthful they may be, they hang uselessly in the air. I wish you were free But I’m scared of what that means.

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

June 15th 2017

I'm grasping the air like a poet with a deadline; a corporate sellout writer, who swears that he's just fine. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

June 14th 2017

Is it okay to hurt? Is that stupid to ask? Is it okay that after all this time I still feel like shit? Like I should be better; I should be over it. Is it okay to hurt? It's wrong what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder. All I hear is that through this I'll be stronger But Is it okay that I still hurt? Does that make weak? I'm growing more tired with every word that I speak I keep climbing up, but there is no peak And I'm falling. I suppose things got better But not the things that matter. My restless soul still feels restless Please I just want to forget this Free me from my feeling Let me escape from my being One step. One pill. One shot. One moment. Is it okay that I still hurt? Will you let me make it stop? - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

June 13th 2017

Sewn together with what ifs and why nots, Stuffed with worries; A pillow of my thoughts. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

December 5th 2016

I can see your lips move, but I can't hear you. Disappointment, pain, I think you said? Your eyes are filling with tears, now. Please don't cry. Please don't cry. I don't think I can take that. My hands feel cold in my pockets. I can see my breath. People drive by on their way to another story I'll never know. I feel as if I've stood here forever. We're all alone We're all alone. I don't think I can change that. If I take a breath, grit my teeth, and just take a step, will I finally be free? What does that even mean? I'm searching I'm searching And I don't even know what for. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

November 17th 2016

I was anger, I was spite, I was all of these things; But never once was I right. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

November 16th 2016

Could I live without you? It seems most definitely not. For the I that I would be, would be nothing at all like who I am meant to be; I simply could not live without You. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

October 25th 2016

How is it that I can't write a single line, when my mind is still spinning, and I feel like crying. And I try I try I try I try... But no words come out of my head. - Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

October 4th 2016

There are many places where one can find beauty; in endless forests, or mountain spaces, in streams or hidden lakes. But of all the places I have gone, and all the places I have looked, I find the most beauty whenever I am with you.

- Jack Elliott Smith -

[fwoof]

September 2nd 2016

With your head on my shoulder and my name on your lips, I knew; I would love you forever. - Jack Elliott Smith -