OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE BUT IM HOLDING MY GROUND FOR THIS ONE SHOUTING "OVERWORKED, OVERWORKED OVERWORKED" UNTIL SHE GIVES ME IT!!
Heres a small rant about this for no reason but i HAVENT HAD A DAY OFF SINCE AUGUSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT so i would appreciate a short summer holiday, even if it is three days, BUT my mom is all like "BUT THE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!1 HOW WILL YOU EVER GO TO OXFORD??????/ IM YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!" just really shaking her fists over this.
every single day we only talk about my future nd stuff because i had some intellect chug jugs before school as a kid or something, but its bothering me now because i finished my exams but im STILL being put under the tightest freaking schedule as if i have finals next month or something, all to prepare for exams next year.
so I DUN WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE!! its annoying because i dont have space for writing and reading fanfics, which i really like to do. she wants me to cheer and clap like everyone else over how exams are finished but what seperates me from them is that they actually have something to look forward to, while i have to undergo what seems to be a never-ending stress, because theres no way such an agreeable, polite and eerily quiet child could ever want to do that weird thing called 'relaxing' LIKE I KNOW I ACT LIKE A CONFUSED ROBOT BUT IM NOT ACTUALLY ONE GEEZ!!!!!!!
Which is what lead me to mini explode on the phone with her today when she told me that i have to go to school the day after i finish exams because SHE promised i would be there, which is just a fat load of hoopla shazabingbong because DUDE!!!!!!!11 I DONT GIVE A SHIT!!!
sigh, either way this swings, hopefully this is resolved and tagged as angstwithahappyending so that i rest assured that i wont need to wake up tommorow! also im weirdly not emotionally angry, not frantically typing this or something im just thinking of how to proceed with my silly little rebellion once she gets home, hopefully no computers or phones are thrown away, not that that usually happens
the last time i even spoke badly to her was during an argument over her miscommunication, and she ended up apologising to me, but i hated every second of it because she didnt really want to apologise, she just didnt want me to bitch about it if i rightfully decided to.
so shes prolly gonna apologise, but only after i actually go to school, or shes going to let me stay and torment me over how im ganging up on her
AND THAT REMINDS ME! whenever shes scolding my sisters or something and i defend, making a really strong point that dunks on her bullshit, she SHUTS ME UP?!?! by warning me to shut up or 'else' and scold ME about how i can never seem to keep my mouth shut, even when its so clear shes using motherlly tactics (gaslighting, shocker) to gang up on whichever victim it is today.
this is getting annoyingly long but she has a weird obsession with how im doing at school, and has this perfect scenario in her head that shes already planning for me, where i go to harvard or oxford or some bullshit and get two degrees in engineering and medics, so that she can finally feel pride in a child for once, but the problem is that its up to me to actually carry it out, and because my teachers think i can do it, it means that i HAVE to
which kills me because im already past my limit, ive shamefully quit and submitted exams without checking them, under the assumption that ill pass anyway, aka, giving up on this goofy dream and settling on what makes me feel stable.
so today ill put my foot down n studd
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