Step 1 - Admittance / Step 2 - attempt to Justify.
Dear Lord, Rid My body of these toxins, Eliminate my minds desire to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and recreationally partake in the ungoverned Muti. All I want is to do good, prosper and to help those around me. These words mean so much that I often lie awake repeating them to myself over and over with the hope that one day it becomes my reality.
I find myself in the Centre of a heated battle between GOOD and EVIL. The half time whistle blows, and itās absolute carnage with each force evenly matched. Itās a crucial tipping point in the game and with one slip I could lose the match. Itās life or death and Iām relying heavily on the Coachās wisdom to inject that adrenaline fueled desire to take home the trophy. In reality Iām in the change rooms and the only other person in the room is the janitor who only sweeps away the mess left behind. Who knows in which direction the pendulum will eventually swing. āMy monies on GOOD for the undisputed winā, I said to know one while watching white noise on the box.
Humans, YAY POM POMS. We areā¦.with out any inch of doubt the most successful beings to ever have graced this planet. It is only now in recent times when the educated populous who no longer had jobs have come to terms of the irreversible detrimental degradation of our climate and overall resources as well as every energy that governs those life giving factors. Itās probably already too late for the dooms day peepers who have decades of stock piles hidden in a basement while The children of africa starve. No they donāt offer their eyes to the flies. Only when the Red Cross has a camera shoved in the poor solid bellied kids face.
One must be naive to believe that our race will populate this planet forever. Truth is Earth will eventually detox the human race and rid itself of our greed and Selfish desires.
Short story long and now finally back to the point Iām impromptu ing into a university thesis - We are all perceived to be hardwired and driven to the direction to that what feels good, that what is good and that what serves the greater good. This makes us feel good and so we puff out our chests and walk around like we belong and deserve the world.
Really! If that resonates as the truth then why do we as a human race so destructive to mostly everything we touch?
I personally reject the above hypothesis in favor that we have a dark side of the moon shadowing our self given halos. itās a Ying Yang thang that injected itself into our DNA upon Gabrieleās fall from grace, or perhaps we could point out sticky fingers at Adam when he decided to do the unholy act of going down Steve? These desires we all have to be BAD, to break the rules and live a little Rogue are at our very core and in most cases is the engine that drives our behaviors. it would now make sense as to why it is the only things we ever want, is a self detriment and the very last thing we actually need!!
With my eyes angled to the heavens and my gunfire finger tapping my lips while making āpup pup pupā sounds as if to say I rubbed 2 brain cells together to made a thought. Then suddenly a mythical laser beam hits me from the VIP access only Arcashic Records when it finally dawns on me that instinct from an early age gets us sniffing around the neighbourood like blood hounds looking for narcotics. We try it and it might take days, weeks or even years to create a hook. The pure abundance of these naturally found negative hooks that we all love to hate, was purposefully coded into our matrix to provide some level of relief from the daily stressed out pilots who like GPS coded missiles tend to brush off the compounding stress of daily frustrations. The explosion always comes, and unfortunately when it does, I fold on a bluff and once again find my LILLY White Pimply Butt walking about in circles carrying around with me a Fight or Flight adrenalin chemical thatās on high alert for no apparent reason. Itās weighing down the head of the KING and Iām trying to make a concerted effort not to swallow my thickened dehydrated tongue thatās now enclosed in a parched inner mouth which feels more like a desert skull skeleton, not the lose lipped funny guy you know from the pub. Attention perfect people, this is what we areā¦. Social misfits wired by gods hungover trainee electrician. Itās called ANXIETY!!!! At this very point in time I can barely string a sentence together let alone reason with crazy so Eventually that little snippets of considering to use again finally results in a full blown relapse. Zombie like with that bloated awkward tongue I go seek out the one DOC that never fails to deliver. Thereās only one task standing between me and piece, So I reach for the very object I optimize more than Brussels sprouts - my cell phone, but this time I tolerate itās constant wining with a half grin while it connects me to Dr Feel Good aka the Good doctor. In under 60 seconds the call is over and a set meeting spot has been nailed down to only a few inches away from real jail time. Crazy enough, jail time is a mere concern in comparison to the 15 minutes I still need kill while eagerly awaiting āDr Aftican Timeā to drive through from DarkLands (close to Blouberg) The magical fairy dust they half sprinkle into your package seems to give them a 15 minute teleport time no matter where you are, Bank Kock to Chairo or even the United Free Statesā¦No matter the distance. On the flip side, itās that very same fairy dust that edges him on to do a quick stop where The Good Doctor proceeds to use half your Purchase while adding another 15 minutes now leaving you waiting 30 minutes filled with impatient torture to receive you rip off half a bag. āBut itās good stuff he saysā, as to try and redirect your anger.
Calling a Spade a Spade, it just goes to show that from time to time we all mask our inner anxieties with that what feels good, is not good and that what ultimately does not serve your greater good.
Dear Lord, How can it be that I, a man with such high standards, a 142 IQ and a respect for my body and mind would allow a man made poison into my home thatās only value is a short term relief in return for the an equal weight in time recovery. Atleast the anxiety is goneā¦.but not for long as the history of time always repeats like clockwork and with one powerful strike I am brought to my knees to repeat the endless cycle of addiction once more.
In closing, A wise man once said, ādrugs will give a man an enlightened sense of well being and wisdom to do what he would Unordinary not be able to accomplish, but itās that very drug you rely so heavily on to fill your sales with wind, will eventually act against you as a naked mermaid to Lure your inebriated Wooden legged withered carcass onto the rocks that will eventually sink your vessel.
No point in being modest, that wise man was me.