The Morrigan - was it ever going to be okay?
Well ive been avoiding writing this post the past couple of days, but i’ll try.
As y'all know the Morrigan was my favorite character, and now that she is dead i can try and think on what it means to love a character that turns out to be an abusive cunt.
Thats what she is and theres not really a point denying it. But thats not the morrigan we first met. Some of the things i’ll write here are personal and i might have talked about them already so you can continue reading or just rejoice by me calling her a cunt.
So here is the thing from the moment we saw morrigan i was inlove. She was strong and beautiful and she didnt take shit from anyone. She was everything i wanted to be. But she was also more than just Macha. She was also Annie and Badb. At the time i disregarded Annie as the weak side of the morrigan. The gentle emotional kind. The breakable side, Her vulenrability.
And Badb ? Badb scared me.
I was 17, and i was depressed and Angry. Like really Angry. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts without knowing what they were or why. I was angry all the time and i felt like i had a monster in me. A monster i always had to keep in bay, always keep under control. I had a Badb side (was this a pun this entire time). I had a side that was constanly angry, it was awful and violent and i was so scared of it.
But then i saw the morrigan and she was able to keep Badb under control she was able to control her anger. And thats who i wanted to be, i was always afraid that one day i wouldnt be able to control myself. And here she was and she was the strong side, she chose when to unleash her angry side.
And at first the morrigan seemed like the best character in the series. She tried to save luci, she was singing underground karaoke and trying to help Laura, trying to stop Baphomet from killing cass. She was good, too good to be true. You cant be an underground god without being fucked up(just dio it seems).
And i guess it all ended in issue 16. I wrote that issue 16 was my favorite issue, and maybe it still true, but in a way i think the morrigan we knew died in that issue. In that issue they planted the seeds of the the other morrigan. The issue is still beautiful and intimate and i think (or maybe hope) that Marian and Cameron’s relationship pre godhood wasn’t abusive and toxic. Because it doesnt look like it is. But the moment she turned into the morrigan, the moment she made him a god, that old morrigan died. The moment she took his choice and claimed him as her own, defined only be relation to her she was dead.
In one of my wicdiv 30 days challenge i wrote that Her death would be the most hurtful. I cried in many other deaths. But not in hers.She was dead for the past 20 issues.This Morrigan? I dont know her.
In a way i might feel betrayed- they made us love her.They knew how much the fandom adored her and they made her into a person we can no longer stand behind. But they planned it all along. Her character was designed for this particular plot. Badb and Annie were made for this exact purpose. For those exact scenes. They knew all along she is an abuser but they still let us fall inlove with her.
I Dont like the new Morrigan. And even more than i hatr her for what she did to Baph. I hate her for killing the old Morrigan. And i hate this ending. I hate the fact that they want us to martyr her. She “saved” baph. She sacrifised herself.fuck this. She dont deserve it.I wish Baph could kill her. Because even this desicion about Whether he will live or die was made by her, One last act of control.
But despite all this the old Morrigan still meant alot to me in a time that i needed her. There was a time that the only thing keeping me going on is knowing she is still alive. I cant just disregard it. I cant just delete the tattoo on my arm and forget what she meant to me. And i dont want to,Because part of her still hold that meaning to me. Who she was then still symbolize strength to me.
And maybe thats a problem of reading comics this way. Things are revealed, perspective change. But i still remember how i felt when there were 11 issues and all my faves were dying but she was there - trying to stop it.
So some of you might hate me over this or just yell at me but i still love the morrigan. She is still my favorite character. But she is also my least favorite. One challnge asked which character would you kill. I was very close to choose her. But instead i went with Woden, i couldnt quite explain to myself why back then. But yeah. Im glad shes dead.
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