COMM 4650: Learnings from a disagreement filled conversation
My family is very politically divided. By that I actually mean all of us are relatively in agreement except for one of my grandparents. There is an unwritten rule in my family that none of us bring up anything even mildly political when this person is present. This is necessary for us to keep the peace and keep Christmas a conflict free time. When someone decides to be brave, or irresponsible, and not follow this rule, a fire is most certainly started.
Compared to the rest of my family, this person is quite conservative. I wouldnât say that they are extremely conservative in the grand scheme of things but lets just say they are probably Stephen Harperâs biggest fan. As you can imagine, a lot of tension was created in my family when Trump was elected. I think that we all had a moment where we felt extremely disconnected from this person. When they were not present, we would talk about how we did not understand how this person could possible agree with what Trump was saying. However, I donât think that any of us were actually making that much of an effort to understand where they were coming from. I decided to take this opportunity to try to understand where this person is coming from with their values.
Recently, this person brought up politics with me. Instead of immediately changing the topic, as I would usually do, I decided to simply listen to what they had to say about why I should be a conservative. This lead to an extremely interesting conversation that provided me with insights into why this personâs politics are the way that they are. They told me about how their parents raised them to be a liberal and in their young adult life they did subscribe to this value system. However, over time, they realized that their values actually fell more in line with those of the conservative party. This seems to be largely because of certain kept, pivotal events in their life.
This conversation really helped me to understand why a person might hold such conservative values. It allowed me to learn about this personâs background and the reasons that they believe in conservatism. After the conversation, I reflected on the differences in this personâs life and my life and the reasons for our differing politics were clearly illuminated for me. I think that considering what has happened to a person in their life time is essential to understanding why their values may be so different from yours. I also realized that this person did not have evil intentions, but they just had differing ideas from me about how to create a safe and prosperous Canada. Ultimately, we have the same goal, we just have very different ideas about what a safe and prosperous Canada looks like and how we achieve that.
Overall, I did not find it difficult to have this conversation. I am practiced at not engaging in debate with this person and I have already accepted our differences. I am also extremely averse to conflict so I do usually just let people that I disagree with speak with out responding to their ideas. The difference in this instance was that I intentionally tried to understand where this person was coming from instead of just letting what this person was saying go. I do think that there are certain things that this person could have said that I would not have been able to help myself from responding to. If they started attacking women, which I know they have done in the past, I think I would have felt compelled to defend myself and my gender. I think the reason for this is that in the conversation we had, all of the things that this person was talking about were general or did not apply specifically to me. While I disagreed strongly with what they were saying, they were not attacking me at all. Â I also think that this is because I feel very strongly about gendered issues but not so strongly about economic issues.
I think that one of the key things that allowed for this conversation to result in learning instead of argument was that I really intentionally approached it with a focus on learning and making this person feel heard. I also made very careful, strategic comments that made this person feel that I was open to hearing what they had to say. I was careful to never make them think that I agreed with them though.
In conclusion, I am glad that I had this conversation. Ultimately, I think that it brought this person and I closer and I am happy that it happened. I think that this Christmas may just go smoother because of it!













