I'm Galaxa-13 and I'm going to liveblog things. I hope you enjoy joining me on this journey. Icon by Friendlyneighborhoodmoose Current liveblog: RWBY and Homestuck 2
Are you alright? It's been well over a couple of months since the last time you've liveblogged or done anything on this page
Hello, I am alive. I am sorry for... frankly abandoning this blog. There has just been so much stuff I've wanted to do and working on this liveblog has been at the bottom of the list. I HAVE thought bout trying to get back into the swing of things many times, but then I just loose all motivation.
Funny since this liveblog was started to KEEP me motivated on watching RWBY. At least I got farther in the series than the first time I tried to watch it.
I've thought about trying to liveblog other things (after my interest in keeping up with Homestuck^2 completely fizzled out), but then I'd just end up watching/reading those things and not bothering to liveblog them.
As it stands there are some personal matters and other creative endeavors I still want to spend more focus on, but if enough people want me to get back to RWBY (or start other things) I am certainly willing to be swayed by the masses. Thank you for the concern and I hope you are having a lovely time.
Over in Homestuck land we get to see an interesting alien landscape. Now what is happening here I wonder?
Well that certainly was a crash landing. I wonder if anyone suffered any injuries.
HOLY SHIT, ROSEBOT, THAT IS QUITE THE LOOK! Did Dirk design it, or did you? Is the crown part of your body or a removable accessory? Why are you standing en pointe? God, you are just stunning.
Oh my god.
Terezi! You grew out your hair! YOUR SHOES! Oh my god, your pants!
Finally! A time scale! So it’s been three years since the events of the epilogue. That’s rough. Also, Rose, in your case I think it would be hard to fall off the wagon when you no longer have a flesh body to imbibe intoxicants with. For Terezi’s case she doesn’t have a clown influencing her.
See, that’s what I’m saying.
OH WAIT, SHIT, YEAH! That was a different Terezi! Homestuck’s timeline is real confusing. That Terezi was made un-happened by John’s retcon powers.
Was Dirk narrating something that we the readers can’t see since we’re in a dialogue box and not the paragraphs? What did you call Rose, Dirk? Or was it a different “her” being referenced? Was it even Dirk Terezi was hearing? OH WAIT! I JUST REALIZED WHAT IT WAS! Haha, I’m dumb. Before it had been “Rosebot”, but now it is simply “Rose”. Terezi was taking offense to Rose being othered as a bot and not simply being Rose anymore. Dirk rectified it swiftly.
Dirk... What are you doing to that map? Is that a map? How do you have a map for this planet already? What can Heart powers do with a piece of paper?
Hm, interesting. Is Dirk conflating godhood with leadership? Or are they two separate facts and it’s Rose who is combining the two? If they are one in the same does this mean that only those who can rule reach godtier? Out of all the trolls only Vriska and Aradia are true leaders?
Well he did grow up in what used to be Texas and he is gay so...
Really now, Dirk, that’s just childish.
I wish I had more to say on Rose and Dirk philosophizing, but they are both way smarter than me so I’m just kind of nodding along and waiting for them to get to the point. So Dirk wants to guide a new race from scratch, instead of leaving them to their own devices as was previously done on Earth C (and Earth A), meanwhile Rose has some reservations.
You asshole. I really do hate how he’s controlling people from behind the narration and then lying in his own character voice about the agency everyone else has. I mean, yeah, you gotta lie in his case, gotta keep up the act as just another character and not the actual narrator, but still.
I believe this is what’s called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. You may be second guessing your course of action, but you feel you can no longer turn around and stop because you’ve put in too much to make it this far. Instead of just admitting that you messed up by doing all this and wasting so many resources and time you feel like it’s more worth it to keep plowing ahead despite your misgivings about it all. Now whether stopping is the correct action to take I can’t say, but only going through with something because you’d feel guilty about giving up what you’ve already put into is not the best. See? I can ramble philosophy too.
God damn it, I lost The Game.
The joke is that since Eve was created from Adam she is, in a way, his daughter and Rose was ectobiologically created from Dirk, making her his daughter. Also both Dirk and Rose are gay. So no heterosexuality in this. That all said I wonder how Dirk plans to create a viable gene pool for a species if he’s only using his and Rose’s genes. In reality you can’t save an endangered species with only two sets of genes, and in this case we don’t even have two completely separate sets since we’ve just establish Rose is half of Dirk.
Oh, I guess that solves the problem about lack of genetic diversity. Just magic some diverse genes in by slapping some random objects into the ecto-slime.
Rose and Dirk playing D&D together sounds like an utter disaster. Even if Terezi joined in that’s still not many players vs. the DM and honestly I’m not sure Terezi would help things go any smoother. There are all chaotic in their own special ways and would derail everything immediately.
God look at these JRPG villains as they behold the new species they just created.
Great job, Dirk, you created a drooling potted plant. I know you said this process would be trial and error, but I can’t imagine you’re very pleased with your first attempt.
God I am so ready to see what fucked up thing my queen will make.
So why did Dirk even bother bringing Terezi along if he’s not going to involve her in this little game he has going on with Rose all about creating a new species to play SBURB? Not that Terezi would be all that interested in joining, but still. What is her role in this little adventure?
Weiss: There will be dances! Parades! A tournament! Oh the amount of planning and organization that goes into this event is simply breathtaking!
Weiss, I thought you were excited for the festivities, not bursting at the seams over the set up. Yeesh.
Yang: *sigh* You really know how to take a good thing and make it sound boring.
Yang gets it.
Oh hey, is that the Dust shop from the first episode? Or is that a different store that got robbed?
Ruby: What happened here?
Guess it’s a different shop.
These two cops are trying way to hard to sound like hard-boiled cops.
Weiss: Hmph. The White Fang. What an awful bunch of degenerates.
Blake: What’s you problem?
I think I vaguely recall hearing that the White Fang were a gang of Faunus? So obviously, as a secret Faunus, Blake prickles at the idea that anyone is upset with them. Though she should be more cautious of showing her contempt at what should be a pretty standard reaction to a gang that has done crime.
Weiss: Those Faunus only know how to lie, cheat, and steal.
Yikes, I know you don’t know Blake is a Faunus (heck, I’m not supposed to know she’s a Faunus yet), but you could really slow down on the fantasy racism, Weiss.
Oh hey! It’s the monkey guy I think becomes Blake’s boyfriend at some point!
Ship Guy: No-good stowaway!
Monkey Guy: Hey! A no-good stowaway would have been caught. I’m a great stowaway!
You say that, but the ship you were stowed on is right behind you and those guys who were chasing you can easily see you, thus you can still get caught. This does not seem like a great place to stop and have a snack.
I get the sense that Monkey Guy doesn’t have a lot of respect for most people/things.
Normally I’d say a static image doesn’t really convey well, but this one is basically all that happens in motion too. These two background characters can’t be asked to react at all to a man doing a gymnastic flip and landing right in front of them before running off and having the cops chase after him.
And it was love at first sight, I guess, what with that slow mo as he ran by her.
That’s a very... robotic way to have fallen down. Is this the robot character I heard about? If it is I’m just blasting through meeting all the characters I have vague knowledge of!
THAT IS A TERRIFYING SMILE, PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
Robot Girl: Sal-u-tations!
Ruby: Um... Hello!
Yang: Are you... O.K.?
Robot Girl: I’m wonderful! Thank you for asking!
Yeah, no, if this doesn’t turn out to be the robot girl who I think is named Penny then I am going to flip a table.
Penny: My name is Penny, it is a pleasure to meet you!
There we go! I’m guessing her being a robot isn’t supposed to be some surprised, as opposed to Blake being a Faunus, seeing as how they are laying it real thick.
Weiss is very disturbed by Penny’s apparent teleportation.
Penny: You called me “friend”! Am I really your friend?
You certainly won’t be for much longer if you don’t get out of Ruby’s personal space.
Ruby: Um...
Ruby: Y-yeah, sure!
Ruby, your team was trying so hard to help you and you just blew them off. I mean, I’m sure Penny will turn out to be a wonderful friend and just blowing her off would be have been the wrong course of action too, but there’s a middle ground you could have taken.
Penny: Ahaha! Sen-sational! We can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys!
Don’t forget sleepovers where you can do all those things at once!
Ruby: Oh. Is this what it was like when you met me?
Weiss: No.
AHAHAHAHAHA! At least Ruby is self aware.
Weiss: She seems far more coordinated.
OH NO, I PAUSED TOO SOON.
Weiss: You’re fighting in the tournament? Forgive me, but you hardly look the part.
Blake: Says the girl wearing a dress.
Weiss: It’s a combat skirt!
Ruby: *whooses in* Yeah!
OH MY GOD AND THEN RUBY GIVES WEISS A HIGH-FIVE, THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.
Weiss, when did you make that drawing of Monkey Guy?
Oh no, now Blake and Weiss are fighting. This was bound to happen.
Ohhhhhhh, and now we’re getting some Weiss backstory on why she dislikes Faunus.
Weiss: An Entire train car full of Dust stolen.
Of course you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, Blake?
Blake: WELL MAYBE WE WERE JUST TIRED OF BEING PUSHED AROUND!
Um... Blake? I think you, uh, made a teensy little oopsie there... Is this really where we find out she’s a cat girl?
Aaaaaand she’s gone. Yeesh, this sin’t good. I hope Ruby can catch up to her and have a nice talk about things.
Blake? Honey? I really don’t think taking off your disguise bow in the middle of an open courtyard is the best idea.
Money Guy: I knew you would look better without the bow.
Did you follow her to Beacon? Also does this mean you knew she was a Faunus before taking it off, or did you genuinely think she’d look better without it in that few seconds you ran by her?
Ruby: She’s been gone all weekend.
WHY DID YOU GUYS NOT GO AFTER HER. WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN SEARCHING FOR HER THIS WHOLE TIME?
Hm, the moment Cardin’s punch connects there’s a white light that grows. I get the sneaking suspicion that’s not a editing thing, but rather Jaune’s previously established super strong Aura which also happens to be white. Just a guess. Now the question is if his Aura will fling Cardin back and/or if this will give Jaune a Super Saiyan power up. Or maybe Cardin will just keep punching him and find he can’t get through.
Well, Dardin wasn’t thrown back, but all of Jaune’s bruises from the previous beating have been healed. Go Aura!
Cardin: Let;s see how much of a man you really are.
Grimm: * comes roaring in*
Let me guess, Team Bully is gonna run away like cowards and Jaune is gonna stand his ground, either defeating it by himself or his team will hear the commotion and come and help him.
Grimm looks like a bear and is sniffing around, looks like it likes he scent of the sap. Cardin is gonna make a new friend today.
So yeah, Cardin’s team all ran away and Cardin is at the mercy of this Ursa. Time for Jaune to save him because he’s the bigger man.
Holy shit, Jaune is actually fighting the Ursa all by himself. Like, I figured that would be the case if no one else knew where they were, but the others have now found them and Pyrrha stopped them from helping. I’m not blaming Pyrrha, Jaune kind of needs this moment, but damn. Jaune is impressing me. I don’t think Jaune is gonna doubt his abilities after this.
Wait, what’s happening? Pyrrha reaches out and suddenly Jaune’s shield/scabbard starts glowing black? That wasn’t her Aura color. Was the shot of her hand unrelated to the glowing? Hm.
Oh, uh, nice one, Jaune!
Nope, that was Pyrrha’s doing. Her hand is glowing black. What did you do, girl? On the one hand I’m glad you helped your teammate, on the other hand I feel like this could lead Jaune to being too reckless. In the battle training he was told to keep a closer eye on his health bar, or whatever that thing was, and to hang back when he gets too low. In this fight he noticed his bar was low and charged in any way. If you don’t plan on telling him that you boosted the power of his shield he might just keep charging in when he shouldn’t.
Ruby: Uh... What?
You and me, both, Ruby. REVEAL YOUR SECRETS, PYRRHA.
Pyrrha: Well... Ruby has her speed, you have your glyphs, my Semblance is... Polarity.
Excuse me, what? What the heck is a Semblance? I get that y’all got Auras, but you have some other magical ability too? At least now I know Ruby zipping around all over the place is something special. Though what does polarity mean? You give the target the opposite power of their Aura? I guess that because Jaune’s Aura is white and the glow was black. Then again her Semblance could just always be black and the polarity comes in because the force of the Grimm’s attack was rejected by the shield.
Ruby: *in awe* Ah, you can control poles.
RUBY, NO.
Weiss: No, you dunce! It means she has control over magnetism!
Ruby: *quietly* Magnets are cool too.
Shit magnets, how do they work? Miracles.
Suddenly Jaune’s bruises are back.
I honestly don’t know whether I want Cardin to be nicer or not. On the one hand him not being a bully anymore would be great, but on the other hand him turning over a new leaf because the wuss saved his life seems really cheesy.
Don’t do it, Jaune, you have so much to live for! Yes, I am doing this joke again. I will throw my hands in the air if the show also does this joke again.
Pyrrha: You should come down. Ren made pancakes~
HOLY SHIT YES, NIGHT TIME PANCAKES ARE THE BEST.
PYRRHA, NO! HE HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!
Pyrrha, it’s great you’re showing him techniques to avoid being knocked over BUT PANCAKES. REN IS WAITING FOR YOU GUYS TO EAT HIS PANCAKES. NORA WILL EAT THEM ALL AND HE CAN’T STOP HER.
Nora, you really should take your shoes off before bouncing on the bed.
Pyrrha: I’m sure our leader knows exactly what he’s doing.
You sound a little angry there, Pyrrha.
Jaune: I’m a failure.
Ruby: . . . Nope!
Telling someone they’re not a failure is always nice, but some some reason that pause between his pity party and Ruby’s simple “nope” makes this moment really sweet for me?
Jaune keeps being negative and Ruby just keeps saying “nope”. It’s great.
Ruby: Jaune, maybe you were a failure when you were a kid.
Jaune: *sighs and slides down the door*
Ruby: You might’ve even been a failure the first day we met!
Jaune: *slides down more and groans*
Jaune: You can’t stop killing me, I’m already dead, Ruby.
Really, though, I like that Ruby is giving Jaune a pep talk about what it means to be a leader after her whole talk with Ozpin about her own feelings of inadequacies.
Apparently their room keys pull out into a tablet/phone? High tech school.
Glynda: Yes, students, the Forest of Forever Fall is indeed beautiful, but we are not here to sight see.
Forest of Forever Fall? Got our title drop. So does that mean this forest is just constantly shedding leaves? Must have a fast growth cycle on these trees to keep producing leaves.
I know you’re the token whacky character, Nora, but I really hope you are supposed to drink that sap and you didn’t just poison yourself.
Jaune: Cardin, what’s going on?
Cardin: Payback.
Payback? For what?! What are you doing now?
Wait, you’re just mad Pyrrha’s smart and pretty? SHE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU. YOU JUST FEEL THREATENED THAT SHE’S BETTER THAN YOU SO YOU’RE GOING TO ATTACK HER WITH FANTASY BEES?! BEES YOU MADE JAUNE COLLECT?
Man, I sure hope Jaune grows a backbone and saves Pyrrha from this awful event. Maybe the guilt of knowing he was a part of this will kick him into gear.
NOT ONLY DID HE MAKE JAUNE COLLECT THE BUGS, NOW HE WANTS JAUNE TO PERSONALLY THROW SAP AT HER TO ATTRACT THEM? WHY WOULD YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD PLAN?!
Like, O.K., I get it, Jaune is your little no-spine lackey. You get him to do everything for you, classic bully dynamic. BUT! Why do you think he’ll personally attack his own teammate just because you told him to? You can’t use your blackmail against him in this case because you know Pyrrha already knows about his cheating. So it’s not “hurt her or I tell her what you did” and you can’t say “hurt her or I tell the school” because he’d already get in trouble with the school for throwing a jar at his teammate.
Cardin: That, or I’ll have a chat with Goodwitch and you’ll be on the first airship out of Beacon.
Ah, so it is “hurt her or I tell the school”, but I already explained why that won’t work. Even if no one sees him personally throw the sap they would of course investigate and know which direction it came from and given Jaune’s abilities so far I doubt he’d be able to run and hide without getting caught.
Jaune, I see you winding up the throw and I have full faith that you’re going to not do this to Pyrrha, but I swear to god you are dead to me if you break my trust in you.
Yay! He not only refused but he threw it back at Cardin! Unfortunately that just means they’re going to shove his head into the box full of wasps, but he made the right choice.
Well, we’re back in space and with a ship (that seems to be crashing), but it isn’t Dirk’s ship. Is this the Rose Rescue Squad? The Dirk Demolition Crew?
Why would you design your space craft like a sea vessel with smoking pipes on the sides?
Well I certainly didn’t expect the interior to be so stark or purple.
WAIT WHAT? FIRST PERSON? WHO IS CONTROL OF THE NARRATIVE RIGHT NOW? Given the lack of capitalization I should be able to pinpoint who it is, but I’m too discombobulated by the first person and too interested in continuing to stop and ponder it much further.
Oh. Hello Jade. Or should I say, Calliope? Yeah, I guess the first person narration should have been a dead give away that it was you since we’re clearly not dealing with Dirk right now. So what are you up to, being all spooky and junk?
Why are you scaring poor Kark- IS THAT DAVE WITH HIM? Right. Right, yeah, they are officially a couple. No maybe we’re dating, maybe we’re not and hiding their feelings, they came out as a couple. Right. Still, it’s so weird to see them just sharing a bed and not being 20ft apart in obvious romantic tension.
I’m sure this was 100% critical information you needed to relay in the spookiest manner possible while Karkat was trying to sleep.
Karkat is wearing Dave’s shirt.
Jade’s outfit is so freaking cute. How is it that she always got the most fashionable outfits?
The black eyes with a green glow actually looks really nice.
Yeah, non-possessed Jade tried to pull a similar situation and we’ve seen the three-way relationship just doesn’t work out.
You know, I always thought dead!Calliope and Dave had the same text color, but now that I’m really looking at it I think Dave’s red is slightly darker. Huh.
Seriously, what was the purpose of this wake-up call?
Oh hey! Our first visual representation of Roxy after their change in gender identity!
Oh, and I just realized I think Dave is wearing Karkat’s shirt.
Roxy’s short hair is cute.
Oh my god, you two!
Dave continuing to strive for familial labels and correcting himself with Roxy and Roxy continuing being chill with whatever gives me life. I really love when these two interact.
Either Kanaya grew out her hair or she’s wearing a cloak. In either case it’s making me really sad seeing her sitting alone in the dark. I’m sure she’s been dealing with a lot of emotions since Dirk took Rose away and also messed with her own perceptions of the event.
Cloak it is and OH MY GOD SHE’S WEARING A LITTLE PURPLE ROSE MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS.
Never change, Dave.
Nice to see the return of the purple sash, though now more a Rose shade than an Eridan shade. I also appreciate the jade side panel.
You really think the only person who would do that is Karkat? Not John or Jake? Granted you never really hung out with Jake and as far as I’m aware you think John is missing, but still.
This line just hit me really hard and is pretty much exactly what I expected. Can’t have someone make you think of something when you’re already thinking about it and it’s really the only thing you ever think about anymore.
Oh no, I should have kept reading. It keeps punching me in the good writing feels.
Wow, that’s a concept I hadn’t considered before. When you’re in love with a literal god of relevancy are your affections truly your own or simply a symptom of their powers? When something reminds you of them is it really your own perception or is reality forcing you to be reminded of them? Such contemplations must be doubly so for Kanaya since she’s already experienced a different god warping her own sense of reality and self to his whims.
Good guy Dave coming in to roundhouse kick that navel gazing.
Dave is just... such a good guy, you guys. I am so glad he exists to be friends with Kanaya.
DAVE IS SO SWEET AND GOOD.
Dave are you... are you seriously going to start rapping about all this? Of course you are, and that’s just another reason why we love you.
These characters’ collective situation is really fucked up when you stop and think about it.
This is simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious.
Hey, Terezi didn’t die!
It’s kind of funny how not interested Roxy is in this conversation with Karkat. Karkat’s just rambling on and Roxy is just doing a tick above verbal grunts and ends with “yeah, so do you want breakfast or not, dude?”
I have decided to go back and edit my posts to Professor Port’s proper name because laughing at my own mistake is less appealing than just giving the happy grandpa the respect of his own name.
Jesus, he really is just zipping already the room and literally drinking coffee. I love watching the students follow him like a tennis match.
Professor Coffee: Now! Have any among you been subjugated of discriminated because of your Faunus heritage?
Wow dude, that’s really insensitive of you. There is only one (openly) Faunus student in this room. You’re standing in front of her right now. You can’t just ask the room when there’s only one person who can answer, and you don’t just ask them in a public setting!
Some nobody near the back raise their hand. Is this a jokester just raising their hand for the lulz, or is this person a Faunus too? Can’t tell since they are a nobody and thus would not get a model that would show off their animal features.
Professor Coffee: Dreadful, simply dreadful! Remember, students, that it is precisely this kind of ignorance that breeds violence!
Professor Coffee: I mean, I mean, I mean just look at what happened to White Fang!
I’m sure whatever White Fang is is very interesting, but I’m worried about your health, my good man. Do you perhaps need to lie down? Take a breather? Have some water instead of caffeine?
Oh my god, I’m getting so much second hand embarrassment watching Jaune try and answer a question he was not paying attention to.
Jaune: *Sighs*
Pyrrha: I have an idea! *drags Jaune down the hall*
Pyrrha is planning on pushing Jaune off the balcony to end his suffering.
Jaune: Pyrrha, I know i’m going through a hard time right now, but I’m not that depressed.
Oh my god! I didn’t expect that to actually be a joke!
Pyrrah: NO!
OH MY GOD, PYRRHA!
I spy you eavesdropping on their conversation, Cardin.
Jaune: I wasn’t really accepted into Beacon.
Are we getting confirmation on my theory that he’s from an important family that pulled some strings? OH NO IF THAT’S TRUE CARDIN IS GONNA HEAR THAT AND USE IT TO BLACKMAIL JAUNE!
Jaune: I mean I didn’t go to Combat School, I didn’t pass any test, I didn’t earn my spot at this academy! I lied! I got my hands on some fake transcripts and I lied.
Oh. Oh shit. Well... That wasn’t what I expected. Honestly, I’m disappointed in you, Jaune. You didn’t buy your way in, or use any connections, you forged some documents and yeah, lied.
Jaune: I don’t want help, I don’t want to be the damsel in distress, I wanna be the hero!
I mean, yeah, being the one needing rescuing sucks, but when you suck you need all the help you can get. The fact that Pyrrha still wants to help you improve and isn’t made at your underhanded methods is amazing and you should appreciate her.
Jaune: If I can’t do this on my own then what good am I?
Well, clearly Ozpin saw something of worth in you since he made you the leader and all. Maybe lean into that whole teamwork thing instead of trying to lone-wolf your progress?
It’s breaking my heart that every time Pyrrha gets closer to him or reaches out he leans or turns away. Jaune, stop throwing a pity party for yourself and let her help you.
OH COME ON, SERIOUSLY? You climbed out the window and up the side of the building? Why? Do you have that much of a hard on for tormenting others that as soon as you overheard this juicy gossip you just had to get in Jaune’s face about it immediately??
Cardin: Jaune, come on! I’d never rat out a friend like that!
Jaune: A... a friend?
Cardin: Of course! We’re friends now, Jaune-y boy!
That sure sounds like a precursor to black to me!
Jaune: *choking in the “friendly* headlock*
Cardin: And the way I see it as long as you’re there for me when I need you we’ll be friends for a long time.
Aaaaaand there’s the subtle blackmail.
Cardin: That being said, I really don’t have time to do those extra readings Dr. Oobleck gave us today.
“So do my homework for me or I tell everyone.” Yep, that’s about what I expected, and are you serious? Professor Coffee’s name is Dr. Oobleck? Why is he named after a non-Newtonian fluid?
And after that sinister note we get some whacky music that reminds me of Honey I Shrunk the Kids as we get a Dr. Oobleck splash screen. Greeeaaaat.
Hm, I’m going to guess this will be a Jaune episode, but I am worried. Jaundice is an illness. Is Jaune going to get sick? Metaphorically or physically?
Looks like we open up in the middle of Jaune getting his ass kicked?
Glynda: Remember, everyone! The Vytal Festival is only a few months away! It won’t be long before students from the other kingdoms start arriving in Vale so keep practicing!
Other kingdoms? I wonder what the political climate is like. Also what’s the Vytal Festival?
Nora: So, there we were, in the middle of the night!
Ren: It was day.
Nora: We were surrounded by Ursai!
Ren: They were Beowolves.
Nora: DOZENS OF THEM!
Ren: Two of ‘em.
I seriously love these two. Precious beans. My babies.
Ren: She’s been having this reoccurring dream for nearly a month now.
Wait, she’s been dreaming about fighting Grimms and you’re correcting her on her own dreams? Or was the only dream part the section where she talked about selling rugs of their skins and making cash?
Oh no! Are they bullying the cute bunny girl? I was going to ask why anyone would do that, but then I remembered that animal people are a persecuted race here. Now, though, I’m just wondering how she got into this school. I was under the impression Blake had to sneak in. I guess that’s what I get for assuming. Animal people aren’t barred from entry, it’s just a lot easier, socially, if people don’t know you’re an animal person.
Pyrrah: Jaune, Cardin’s been picking on you since the first week of school.
Jaune: Who? Cardin Winchester? Nah! He just likes to mess around, you know? Practical jokes!
Jaune, you’re really bad at lying about situations. First telling everyone you’re fine when you’re clearly not, now telling everyone you’r bully is just a jokey friend. This is really sad, please stop lying. Why even lie about this dude? He’s a jerk.
Jaune: Oh please, name one time he’s “bullied” me.
Scene: *cuts to Cardin literally knocking Jaune’s books out of his hands as they passed in the hall*
Jaune... Jaune please...
Oh god, there’s more bullying scenes!
CARDIN LITERALLY SHOVED HIM INTO A LOCKER. WHAT’S NEXT? GIVING JAUNE A SWIRLEY???
Nora: Ooh! We’ll break his legs!
Nora, honey, I already love you, please give the other characters a chance to shine too.
Jaune: Guys, really, it’s fine! Besides, it’s not like he’s only a jerk to me. He’s a jerk to everyone.
EVEN MORE A REASON TO STOP HIM.
LEAVE THE SURPRISINGLY BRITISH BUNNY GIRL ALONE!
What is your damage, dude?
Oh! I didn’t think the bunny girl would be that important a character, but she got the end splash screen. Maybe we’ll see her again?
Not really all that interesting an episode. Just Jaune being kind of a weenie and learning that this Cardin guy is a jerk.
WHEN AND WHERE DID YOU GET LITTLE TEAM FLAGS? Blake keeps surprising me with little adorable moments.
Each of Weiss’ teammates cheer her on, but she only calls out Ruby as distracting her. That’s mean, Weiss.
I still don’t think fighting a Grimm in A CLASSROOM is a good idea.
Ouch.
Weiss: Ozpin made a mistake. *walks off*
Ozpin: Hm, that didn’t seem to go very well.
WEISS HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THE HEADMASTER APPROACHING? YOU WERE LITERALLY FACING HIS DIRECTION. Unless he popped out of a wall there’s no way she would not have seen him before she herself left. I can’t imagine Weiss would be willing to say that had she noticed him coming.
Ruby looks like such a kicked puppy.
Professor Port: Hm, something’s troubling you.
Weiss: Yes, sir.
Professor Port: Dear girl, confess to me your strife!
This man really is just a jovial grandpa, isn’t he? He’d probably be my favorite teacher, even if he does release monsters into the classroom.
Weiss: Well... I think I should have been the leader of Team RWBY!
Professor Port: . . .
Professor Port: That’s preposterous!
HAHAHAHAHA! Man, that long pause really got to me. Weiss is going to be crushed.
Ozpin: Ruby... I’ve made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet, but at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them.
Hold up there, Ozpin, admitting to making mistakes is all fine and good, but that’s an awfully hard stance you have on yourself. What exactly have you done? You’re giving me a big worry.
Professor Port: I’ve believed in Professor Ozpin for many years and the man’s never once led me astray!
Well clearly Professor Port was not part of any of these apparently numerous mistakes Ozpin has made. I’m keeping my eye out, though.
Professor Port: With all due respect, your exceptional skill on the battlefield is matched only by your poor attitude.
Professor Port has got your number and it hasn’t even been a week yet, Weiss.
Professor Port: So instead of fretting about what you don’t have savor what you do. Hone your skills, perfect every technique, and be not the best leader, but the best person you can be.
Wow, Professor Port really laying out some good life lessons. Calling it now, he’s my favorite teacher.
Jesus Christ, they really left the beds like that and went to sleep. BLAKE YOU’RE GOING TO DIE IS YANG TOSSES AND TURNS TOO MUCH. Also, either Ruby isn’t in bed yet or she has the suspended canopy bed. If it’s the latter I’m surprised because I was sure Rich Girl Weiss would have had the canopy bed.
Well count be a doubly surprised. Not only does Ruby had the canopy bed, but she also fell asleep studying. Now, would she normally be studying into the night, or did her little pep talk with Ozpin make her want to redouble her efforts?
Given Weiss’ surprised expression I’m going to guess she didn’t expect Ruby to have been studying either. Wait, how are you up here, Weiss? How did Ruby get up here? You two just continue to pop up at unexpected heights.
Weiss: Ruby, I think you have what it takes to be a good leader. Just know that I’m going to be the best teammate you’ll ever had.
Awww, that’s actually really sweet? I mean, it was already really nice that you made Ruby coffee, but I think this sentiment is worth a lot more than that. Anyone can make some coffee, but this is more personal. I believe Weiss is being 100% honest here. She’s not saying she’ll be the best teammate, she’s saying she’ll be the best teammate Ruby has. She’s promising to work with her.
Wait, where are you going now? All your teammates/roommates were asleep when you came in, where on earth have you been and are planning on going this late at night?
Well that was a nice episode. Ruby and Weiss both got an important lesson from a professor and in the end have vowed to do their best. I’m glad to see them starting to get along now.
Weiss’ lovely morning is ruined by Ruby. I have to say, it’s nice seeing Weiss with her hair down. Are Ruby and her roommates now? Would make sense for teammates to room together and I also can’t figure out how else Ruby got into Weiss’ room so early in the morning.
Ah, the other two are here as well! Apparently it’s time to decorate the room, so looks like all four are roommates. Swell! Clearly Weiss is a late sleeper since all the other girls are already awake and in their uniforms. I can’t wait to see how they decide to decorate.
Ruby: BONSAI!
Blake and Yang: BONSAI!
Wow, Blake is a lot more Go Get ‘Em than I expected her to be. This excites me!
Ah, I paused too soon, as they all silently lean to one side, posing together. Glad to see the teamwork is already going swell for these girls. Weiss might take a bit more time. I get the feeling that besides her already standoff-ish nature she’s also not a morning person.
Oh that’s a lovely painting, Weiss! I actually have a similar painting in my room, though it has a lake and has more white than black. I mentioned before that white/black/red is a favorite color palette of mine.
How are you already so bad at organizing your books when you just started putting them in the shelves?
Do not be embarrassed by your taste in literature, Blake.
Installing curtains is a... creative use of your scythe. Why get a chair and stand on it when you have a scythe/rifle?
Ah. That’s why you should have just stood on a chair.
OH MY GOD, YANG’S BOY BAND POSTER IS THE ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER ONE.
Animator 1: We need a poster asset for the room.
Animator 2: The script says it’s a boy band poster.
Animator 1: Hey, didn’t AH just do a shoot where they made fake boy band posters?
Animator 2: Let’s ask them if we can draw that poster as Yang’s!
Girls, how did you get the beds like that? YOU SLEPT IN THEM LAST NIGHT! Was there a need to rearrange them from how they had been? Beds are heavy! Did you try to switch the beds to opposite sides of the room an then couldn’t get one over the other? Why not just switch who slept in which bed instead of moving the beds themselves?!
Ruby voted for ditching the beds and getting bunk beds instead and I agree. Save space!
Apparently the other girls agree! Besides Weiss, of course, because she has to be the stick in the mud about everything until the others eventually thaw her icy heart.
Girls... Those aren’t bunk beds, those are death traps. How are the ones who sleep on the top beds even supposed to get up there?!
Wait, these four are all rooming together too? I mean, yes, they are teammates, but this teach has girls AND boys. That doesn’t seem kosher to have mixed genders in the same room together. How will they change clothes?
Also Why is team JNPR also late for class? Team RWBY was busy waking up one of their teammates and then decorating their room. Were you guys also busy decorating, or did all of you guys sleep in?
Clearly the double weapons haven’t always been transformers. Here we have a blunderbuss and ax combo that forgoes gimmicky gadgets and is simply a gun with a blade stuck on it. I can respect that.
Ruby, I understand that you’re not paying attention and thus wouldn’t be writing notes, but you could at least pretend and have some paper in front of you.
WHO ARE YOU?
I just realized, this professor is voiced by Ryan Haywood, isn’t he?
I was liking this guy because he had a really friendly design, but flirting with your students is a big no-no. Even if they are all legal (besides Ruby) it’s still a power imbalance and thus kind of gross.
Professor: Individuals who have sworn to protect those who can not protect themselves. From what, you ask? Why... the very world!
Dude Without a Uniform: Eyyy-yeah!
I do not know who you are, my, guy, but I like you. Keep that enthusiasm burning.
I like that when the professor goes on to ramble about some story you can actually hear Ryan just making noises and saying “blah blah” in the background.
RUBY! Sleeping in class and doodling unflattering images of your teacher are one thing, but now this is just ridiculous! Are you trying to get in trouble? Also I think Weiss is about to murder you for goofing off in class.
Wait. Wait wait wait. WHAT? Is the professor really going to make Weiss fight a Grimm right here in class? That seems unsafe! I mean, this is apparently Grimm Studies, so I don’t have a problem with fighting Grimms as part of the course, but why do you have one caged in the classroom?
Hm, that title makes me think those chess pieces are about to become very important.
O.K., what on earth are you doing, Ruby? Are you... Are you riding a giant bird? Is that why you were falling from the sky at the end of the last episode? WHY are you on a giant bird? HOW did you get on a giant bird?
Ruby: Well, why don’t we just jump?
Weiss: What are you, insane?
Aaaaaand Ruby’s gone. God damn it, Ruby.
That’s some stellar timing. Congrats, Ruby, you saved Jaune from hurtling even further into the forest. Hopefully he doesn’t crush you when you both land.
Oh great, before Yang and Blake can deal with the Ruby and Jaune situation a Grimm appears from the forest. I sure hope that scorpion Grimm doesn’t join the fray as well.
Nora: Yeeeeeehaaaw!
Oh. Thanks, Nora! That was easy!
Nora: Aw, it’s broken.
She has no respect for danger and I love her.
Nora: I’m queen of the castle~ I’m queen of the castle~
You are fighting hard for my favorite character.
Here comes the scorpion now! It’s fine, the other Grimm is dead and we have a bunch of warriors gathered. I’m sure they’ll be fine. What’s Weiss up to?
I sure love the Name Game. Glad to see Nora knows how to play the winning hand.
Yang is shaking in frustration and I can’t tell if Nora is just happily swaying or having fun imitating her, but it’s just the cutest thing.
Oh, there’s Weiss! Boy, that bird is quite a bit bigger than I expected it to be. Gosh... How did you girls manage to hitch a ride on that?
Nora, stop being so adorable this instant.
Ren: She’s falling.
Oh no. Jaune, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t. This is not the perfect opportunity to play hero and save the falling damsel. You are the butt monkey, your role to continually fail for comedy. This won’t end well for you.
I know it’s tempting, Jaune, but don’t even try. Really there’s only two ways this is going to go. You’re going to try and somehow make things worse, or one of the other’s is going to rescue Weiss before you can do anything.
Either things are about to go horribly wrong, or Weiss is gonna smack him and call him a pervert.
Music: *is angelic*
Jaune: Just dropping in?
Or this will turn out to just be a fantasy Jaune has concocted after hitting his head trying to jump out of the tree.
O.K., not a fantasy. Cartoons physics was employed so that they could float in the air for a moment before gravity picked back up. Now the question is if the punchline is them still crashing to the ground or will it be that one of the others will still end up rescuing them?
Crashing it is! At least Weiss seems fine, since Jaune acted as a crash pad. So I guess... Congrats, Jaune? You managed to save the girl?
Weiss: My hero.
She just sounds so disinterested. That’s gotta hurt him more than his crushed spine.
Oof. That was a crunch. Poor Pyrrha, I thought you’d be able to put up a bit more fight against the scorpion.
Yang: Great, the gang’s all here! Now we can die together!
Glad to see you being positive, Yang.
And of course Ruby jumps into the fray only to get immediately bitch slapped.
Holy shit! That thing has projectile feathers! I’m more scared of it than the scorpion now!
Be thankful it only skewered your cape and not your body! Still, this is legitimately terrifying!
Ruby, no, don’t try to rip your cape free just take your cape off! Trust me, it’s much faster!
O.K., yeah, wow, thanks for the ice wall and all, Weiss, but could we maybe have the getting along speech after we defeat the Grimms?
Ruby: *sighs and whispers* Normal knees...
What are you going on about, Ruby? I know you just wanted to be a normal girl with normal knees, but what does this mean? Are you reminding yourself to just act normally, or are you thankful that Weiss just said “you’re fine” and thus she sees you as normal?
Really though, these friendship building moments can wait until AFTER THE GRIMMS ARE DEAD, YES?
I’m sorry, but I have to point out Yang’s little run here wasn’t the best. She just kind of, slid across the ground. Not great animation. Very slippery.
Alright, so now everyone has a chess piece. Were those missing chess pieces already missing to begin with, or did those two dudes we saw at the start take them? You know, they two people who had character models but no lines?
So the gang tries to run, but it seems the bird has them trapped. Oh, and then the scorpion comes back too. So how’s that “just run and don’t fight them” plan going?
I love Nora’s gun. She has a grenade launcher. I wonder what it transforms into?
You know, for an exercise all about teaming up with one other person they all seem to be working with, well, everyone. I mean, it’s good to have teamwork with everyone at your disposal, but I would think you’d want to stick with your “assigned” partner and learn how to most effectively work with them.
Calling it now, that bridge is either going to collapse and make the scorpion tumble into the ravine below OR it’s going to collapse and trap out heroes in the ruin. Possibly both. Either way the bridge isn’t going to survive this fight.
Well, I was right about the bridge being destroyed, at least, but it looks like everyone is gonna hitch a ride on the bird on outta here. How did Ruby and Weiss do this the first time??
Oh, never mind, they do get trapped in the ruin after all. Looks like only Pyrrha, Ren, and possibly Blake hitched a ride.
GOD DAMN IT! NO ONE GOT CARRIED AWAY? Bullshit! You could clearly see they were all too far away from the edges with the bird came through!
Oh neat! A hammer! Let me guess, it’s gonna have some sonic blast or something that will propel her across the gap when she swings it down?
Ah, no magic nonsense, just basic physics! Yay for levers! Bye, Jaune! Now what will you do, dear Nora? Also what about the others?
Oh that is awesome! A grenade propelled scooter, basically! Who knew hammers could be so versatile?
Aw, and you were doing so well too, Nora! Now who’s going to save Blake from plummeting to her death?
Blake’s gonna save herself thanks to grappling guns!
I like that during the classic “run up all the falling rocks” moment we get to see that each of the four main girls does it slightly differently. Blake immediately gets off the unstable rocks and goes to another classic, “run up the walls”. Weiss uses her glyphs to give herself more stable footing when there are no rocks. Yang uses her rocket gauntlets to propel herself, and Ruby just stays with the classic approach.
So while Ruby has a plan to fight the bird, Jaune seems to be giving orders to the other team fighting the scorpion. Not so much orders as barking out their names and they knowing what to do already. I could be mean and say Jaune isn’t really needed here, but I’ll give him the credit has leader of this team of four. Clearly Ruby will be leader of the other team so he’s being built up as the leader of the secondary characters.
Nora is just the cutest gosh darn thing! Sorry, Jaune, but Nora has been too precious this episode. She has booted you out of the top spot on my characters list.
Poor Ren, someone get this boy some snacks. Nora, give him pats and snacks!
Wow, this is quite the plan, Ruby, How did you manage to tell the others what to do while all of you were fighting?
Ruby: Think you can make the shot?
Weiss: Can I?
Ruby: ... Can y-
Weiss OF COURSE I CAN!
I’m a sucker for confident “can I?” “that’s what I just asked you” interactions.
Holy shit, Ruby is strong! I know Weiss puts some glyphs down, which are probably helping her with the speed and keeping momentum, but Ruby is still dragging that giant bird by her scythe!
Nice decapitation!
Jaune: Wow.
Yeah, I mean, not to downplay your guys’ scorpion, but that was really cool.
I guess we’re all back at Beacon now. Sounds like whatever piece you took assigns you to a larger team. So I guess only one piece was taken per team of two? Then, since it’s chess, there were two of each piece (excluding the pawns) so then the two teams that had the same pieces would get combined here. Still doesn’t sound like a great way to form actually good teams for four years, but whatever. How lucky that the teams that worked together fighting each Grimm ended up being the actual teams. Now they have a basic understanding of each member’s abilities!
Wait, did I just hear Yang Xiao Long? Not Yang Rose? Do you two have different fathers? You usually take your dad’s last name after all. We saw a Summer Rose gravestone. Hm. Well if they’re half sisters it would explain why they look so different.
Ozpin: From this day forward you will work together as Team RWBY, lead by Ruby Rose.
Wow, who could have guessed the team named after her would be lead by Ruby. Honestly, it would have been a jerk move to name the team “ruby” and then have someone else lead the team.
OH COME ON! NOW THE SHATTERED MOON ISN’T EVEN ROUND ANYMORE! It’s a shatter egg! I’m telling you, it’s fluctuating size and shape, that’s the cause of it breaking! The moon saga never ends!
Oh? And what is our dapper villain up to in this lonely warehouse?
Hm, I see you have various districts marked out on your maps. Also COPS! and Beacon. What dastardly plans are you concocting?
Man, you’re eyelash game is strong. Are you wearing eyeliner too?
Monopoly money!
Oh, credit cards, not Monopoly money.
A better look at the map. He’s not only marked out COPS!, but also DUMB COPS. I wonder if Forever Fall is a town or a landmark. Beacon seems like a pretty big place.
Torchwick: We’re gonna need more men.
BOO. Cliched line is cliched!
We never did find out how Ruby and Weiss got on that bird...
Glynda: Our last pair have been formed, sir. Nora Valkyrie and Lie Ren. Poor boy, I can’t possibly imagine those two getting along.
Well you don’t know shit then, because they are obviously the bestest of best friends and will more than likely end up being a couple at some point in this show.
Glynda: Still, he’s probably better off than Miss Nikos.
Ozpin: Mm.
Glynda: I don’t care what his transcripts say, that Jaune fellow is not ready for this level of combat.
Wow, Glynda is just awful at reading people, isn’t she? Pyrrha is the one who sought Jaune out. I wonder what Jaune’s transcripts say?
Weiss: It’s definitely this way!
Weiss: *disappears offscreen before walking back the other way*
Weiss: I mean... this way! It’s definitely this way.
Wow, Weiss is terrible with directions, who would have known? This must have been going on for a while for Ruby to be sitting on the ground bored out of her mind.
Ruby: Ugh!
Weiss: Oh stop it, you don’t know where we are either!
Ruby: Well at least I’m not pretending like I know everything!
Weiss: What is that supposed to mean?
Eactly what it sounds like, Weiss. I’m with Ruby on this one. You’re both completely clueless, but at least Ruby can admit to it. She’s not putting on airs and potentially getting them more lost.
Man, watching these two going at it is reminding me of Glynda’s appraisal of the other teams. Those two teams clearly will have the best cooperation meanwhile this teamwork is nonexistent, yet she thought those other ones were doomed to fail and no mention of Ruby and Weiss here.
So Yang and Blake are the first ones to make it to the Temple! At least, I assume that’s the temple. Might just be some random ruin.
Oh cool, chess pieces! Are these the relics they’re supposed to collect? I wonder if which one they take has any significance?
Blake: Chess pieces?
Yang: Some of them are missing. Looks like we’re no the first ones here.
Oh? Who got here first then?
Jaune: Think this is it?
No, I do not, but you should check it out anyway! There’s cave paintings! I wanna know what’s inside! Be on the lookout for giant scorpions, though. I have a feeling one might be roaming about.
Pyrrha: I’m not sure this is it.
Jaune: *sigh* Pyrrha, I made the torch, could you at least humor me for five more feet?
I agree with Jaune, if you let him go through the hassle of making a torch you should at least give him the time to explore.
Oh, and then he immediately trips and drops the torch into a puddle, making it go out. Great.
Jaune finds something that glows in the dark, sways out of his reach, and is shaped like a giant scorpion’s tail. I have the feeling he just found a giant scorpion that has learned to hunt like an angler fish.
Yep, ‘bout what I expected. I told you guys to be on the lookout for a giant scorpion!
Jaune: *screams*
Yang: Some girl’s in trouble!
Aw, come on, was that really necessary?
Wow, Jaune is not doing himself any favors as he grovels and whines.
Ruby: *yelling*
And suddenly... Ruby is falling from the sky? I expected Jaune, sine the scorpion just yeeted him. What happened, Ruby? Last I saw you were firmly on the ground and arguing with Weiss.
That was an unexpected end. Where is Jaune? Will Pyrrha escape from the scorpion? Where is Ruby landing and why is she falling in the first place? Will Yang and Blake help anyone? How are Nora and Ren doing? Will Glynda ever realize who actually will have good teamwork?
Well, Gamzee is either dead or locked in a fridge. Hm, then again we never did see how he eventually got to Caliborn and eventually sliced in half and absorbed into Lil Cal. Maybe Homestuck 2 will finally show that progression of events? Eh, I kinda hope not. Just let us forget Gamzee existed at this point.
So dead Gamzee it is! This is clown lagostics in so far as our Vriskas are discussing logistics (I presume) while using a dead clown as a pillow. I must say, Vriska Lalonde looks quite fashionable.
Wait, when did (Vriska) get that eyepatch?
So now we officially have Vriska and Vrissy. I can get behind that.
We;re gonna meet Tavros Crocker. I’m excited to know what he looks like and how he reacts to Vriska. Also how Vriska reacts to him.
Aw, Tavros looks like a sweet boy. A huge nerd, but a sweet one.
YEAH, TAVROS! BEAT UP THAT CADAVER!
OH MY GOD, IS THAT HARRY ANDERSON? He sure takes a lot after Roxy.
Man, this is some serious teen drama we’re dealing with right now. Vrissy’s relationships, japes, and wanting to do Cool Things. Cool things like hide a body. Normal teen stuff.
VRISSY: I can’t stand watching you two fuck up this fucking 8ad.
TAVROS: Yes, please help us fuck up less,,
This is the mantra of any good relationship. I mean this with no irony.
By the way why are they taking Gamzee’s body into the school? Harry Anderson told them to wait outside for him and while he thought they were joking that is the best plan. How is carrying a dead troll around inside a human school helping with the whole “hide the body” plan?
Jesus Christ, they are making so much noise and now they have set off the sprinklers. How on Earth C are they going to get out of this without getting caught?
I just needed to appreciate these human kids for a moment. They have names. They have typing quirks. They know good internet content when they see it.
Either that Avril kid uploads videos fast or Mama Crocker has cameras installed in the human schools she can watch. Depite her own son stating he is homeschooled and thus would have never attended this establishment of education I do no doubt for one second Jane has spy cameras in the schools. Then again the layout of this page looks an awful lot like youtube so it probably was just fast uploading from a smart phone via bored teens.
Either way Jane is gonna be pissed. Not because Gamzee is dead, but because her precious son is now caught with a dead body and that just won’t do well for her image.
JANE: Oh, Tavros, no!
JANE: He wouldn’t--
JANE: Tavros loves his Gamzee! Those rebels must have captured my sweet baby and corrupted his mind.
JANE: My family! My entire family!
JANE: This cannot go unavenged.
O.K., so she has slightly better reasons to be upset. She’s wrong, but at least she’s not mad at her son.
Look at this cocky bastard. Pandemonium is practically breaking out and he has no idea.
So there was another Homestuck 2 upd8, but I’ve been too busy to sit down and read it. Now I’m finally getting around to doing that!
Oh, so everything before this was prologue? Interesting.
Oh hey, it’s John’s house from Earth C! Is that John himself out in the garden? If it is that must mean we’re in the Candy timeline OR this is set before John made The Choice.
But wait, what’s that at the top?
Ah, I see, we are keeping the trigger warnings from the epilogues, but now they will pop up with each chapter, rather than all lumped in the beginning. If we’re dealing with Alcoholism then we must be seeing some Lalondes at some point.
But the denizens of this particular iteration of Earth C don’t know it. All of this is just business as fucking usual for a planet plagued by war, continuous inclement ghost weather, and the general malaise of being absolutely severed from canon.
So we’re definitely in the Candy timeline for now. I wonder if the only remnants of the Meat timeline we’ll be seeing in this story is Dirk and his crew while everyone else will be from Candy?
In the midst of this, a middle-aged man kneels in a garden. It isn’t his garden,
Not his garden? OK, so that makes me think one of two things. Either this isn’t John (because that is clearly his house) and instead might be an older Harry Anderson OR this is John, but he wasn’t the one to set up this garden (which makes sense because he never really seemed like the gardening type) despite it being on his lawn.
Plants, Jake has decided,
Oh. It’s Jake. I guess I did notice that little blob of black looked more like Jake’s hair than John’s three-pointed hair, but I was kinda fooling myself into believing Jake couldn’t possibly be here. Now that I am forced to accept this fact I do recall Candy Jake ending up staying with John after they both left their marriages.
And they don’t make increasingly inhumane arms deals and appear on talk shows expounding on the dangers of interspecies marriage. They have never, as far as Jake knows, fucked a clown.
Jane really has become the biggest bummer. Poor Rose, she’s a literal god in this universe and she’s getting slammed for her marriage choice. I would say there’s no way Jane has any sway given that they are both gods, but since Jane is also covertly (or not so covertly) controlling mortal politics she probably does have more sway over the popular opinion.
John has been an incredible pal, opening up his home to Jake and his son on such short notice, and even offering him a pair of pants, as well as a shirt that he has so far neglected to put on. John’s house doesn’t have air conditioning. It’s a charming little cottage, but it could sure as aces use some airing out. And dusting. And just general upkeep. The old place really has gone to seed since John’s been away.
So are we right where Candy had left off? No timeskip? This sounds like Jake being here is still a really recent thing. He doesn’t have his own clothes yet and the house is still a mess.
. . .
. . . . . . . .
Dear god, suddenly I am attracted to Jake English. HOW AM I SUDDENLY ATTRACTED TO THIS BLOB MAN? Shit, I finally fell into the English Allure that every single character in this story is victim to, it’s finally happened.
Aaaaaand immediately Jake gets sloshed. Attraction over. Guess the alcoholism mentioned was Jake’s.
Well that’s a neat little transition. Is this a booze induced dream?
The dream narrated Jake getting attacked by a monster, but a far different monster is approaching.
JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk.
DIRK: ...That is a whole ‘nother conversation that we really don’t have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what ‘your dirk’ actually constitutes.
HA! I can just feel the awkward tenseness behind his cool and laid-back tone.
DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I’m not your Dirk.
So. Confirmation that two teen-aged boys boned. For what it’s worth.
JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk!
DIRK: In the ghosty flesh.
Ah, OK, we’re dealing with this Dirk. Not sure how I feel about this particular Dirk. He’s still a Dirk, but he isn’t the mega villain.... right?
DIRK: Until recently there’s been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave.
Oh good, I’m feeling better about this Dirk now. He seems real dismissive of Ultimate Dirk.
JAKE: I suppose ill just have to trust you!
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: Good luck with that.
HAHAHAHA! Man, that’s some good comedic timing.
Though this does make me question exactly what Brain Ghost Dirk is up to. Why rescue Jake from dream monsters, introduce yourself, and then shove him back into danger?
Consciousness hits Jake like a bottle to the back of the head.
Ah, that’s what he’s up to. Waking Jake up out of his drunken stupor. That’s a good plan.
In fact, the bottle is on the table, tipped over and sluggishly dripping from the mouth.
Excuse me?
The bottle is clearly still in his hand and not dripping at all. Me thinks the art department and writing department had a breakdown somewhere in production.
Brain ghost Dirk is still a thing even outside of dreams, which of course he is. He’s not Dream Dirk. So what’s the rest of your plan, BGD? Jake’s awake now, I assume there’s a part two to your sudden reappearance?
JAKE: And what side am i supposed to be fighting on? for jane or against her?
DIRK: Against her. Obviously. What the fuck, dude.
Yeah, Jake, seriously. Jane is full on villain at this point, I thought you were well aware of this fact by now.
DIRK: Yeah, I did. And every single one of them kicked ass. I wanted Jane to be the democratically elected president. Not a cake-slinging Jeff Bezos with a great rack.
JAKE: Jeff who?
Heh, as good a joke as that is it does make me question exactly how Dirk knows about Jeff Bezos. Was he a thing in Dirk’s history books? You know what, probably. Knowing Homestuck Mr. Bezos was probably one of those people that cozied up to Fish Hitler and helped her take over the world.
DIRK: That’s horseshit and we both know it. Jane would take you back in a second. She loves you.
JAKE: Psshaw. Not to be maudlin brain ghost dirk but jane hasnt cared about me in a very a long time if she ever did at all.
JAKE: I thought you knew everything i do.
DIRK: There’s a part of you that still hopes. You can’t help it.
You know what? I just really like this interaction.
Woah, I guess so montage of Jake getting his act together, or a drawn out sequence of Jake making plans and getting them done. We’re just jumping right ahead to Him being on the ship.
It’s then that Jake realizes that Jane isn’t mad because she’d never realized he was gone.
Well shit. That really does say something about their marriage.
Dirk is such a strange man. I can’t tell if that’s just how he’s comfortable waiting, or if he’s actively trying to woo Jake as Jane sobs on his shoulder.
DIRK: All according to keikaku.
Shut the fuck up, Dirk.
DIRK: Don’t know anything about stiff lips, dude. But that’s not what I mean. It’s not because you’re a man. You’re a god.
JAKE: Oh right. That.
DIRK: The world comes first, even at the expense of all your relationships and personal happiness. That’s what being a hero means.
Interesting perspective. Not surprising coming from Dirk. I mean, Ultimate Dirk seems to have given up on his own happiness to play Villain, so of course Dirk’s philosophy is that the same applies to Heroes. Also Ultimate Dirk is, like, an ultimate god, so it goes double for him.
DIRK: Think what you want about Jane, but at least she realizes that none of you can ever be normal, and she never bothered to try. Can it really be a god-complex if you’re actually a god?
I mean, that’s true, but is wanting a simple life as a god really bad? Also Just because you’re a god doesn’t mean you get exempt from making bad choices, and boy has Jane made some bad choices.
DIRK: People like us don’t get happy endings.
:(
JAKE: Is...is that really how dirk felt the whole gosh darned time?
Yes.
And on that sad note we end things. Hoo boy this was a doozy. I’m feeling more hopeful about how this story is progressing! Heh heh, hopeful. Get it? ‘Cause Jake? Heh.
