Gargoyle Rick

Made of stone. (Pfp @/ReginaSalv37453)

[gargoyle-rick]

📌

Before you approach me:

• I do not like children. This is not a place for you. I am an adult and you better be too.

• I often bathe in gore and occasionally discuss the pleasures of flesh. I follow Morty on his creature killing adventures, where things tend to become quite nasty (in many ways). Consider this a polite warning if you happen to be sensitive to such things.

• I will touch on the subject of religion and its iconography, as it’s deeply intrenched within medieval culture. My companion, is a religious leader within his village. If you happen to follow a faith, understand that this is purely from my experience as a gargoyle, and his experience in our reality.

((Tldr 18+. Will contain nsfw, gore, and medieval religion mentions.))

[feralmorty]

“Had a rough night. Decided to wallow in melancholy. Let me brood. Be home by half moon”

One of the few letters that Mortimer enjoyed reading. He gets a few days to himself for once!

[gargoyle-rick]

Might wanna talk to @basementdwellerrick. It seems he stole your outfit

I claim no authority over nudity. I think more people should let their cheeks free. It’s very thrilling.

-Gargoyle Rick

[gargoyle-rick]

OooooOOOooooo bewarrrreeeee I am a message sent by the divine godsssss and I warn you of some- uh- freaky stuff in your futurrrreee~

- @clone-ur-rick

Oh gods not another spirit…. Have I not been tormented by you people enough? I can’t spend 5 minutes in a graveyard without someone asking for favours or bestowing some prophecy. Ghosts are such… pests…

But fine, I’ll heed your warning. Just don’t expect me to do anything. My time and attention costs coins. Next time bring me a trinket or treat, for now why don’t you float out of my face.

-Gargoyle Rick

[clone-ur-rick]

I uh, should've expected a reaction like that...

I was honestly just bored. You seriously get asked for favors by ghosts that often?

[gargoyle-rick]

And this was not the response I had expected either. Curious. I suppose I also tend to bother strangers when I’m bored, so we have that in common. I’m just glad you aren’t here to curse me or whatnot.

Anyways, since it seems we’re unfamiliar and I have some time to spare, allow me to indulge you in conversation.

Yes, I am often approached by ghosts along with a wide variety of other creatures. I kill many of them, or at least my friend of the priestly persuasion does. They usually pose some sort of threat or we’re asked to dispose of them. Mortimer does so through the goodness of his heart while I do not. I want something in return, hence my issue wth ghosts. They demand a task be done so they can shift into the afterlife but offer nothing as payment. They are so completely selfish and narcissistic, not to mention mopey. They use sob stories to prey on the weak willed which is why Mortimer is so often entangled in their whims.

I would say no offence to your kind, but your demeanour tells me you are not a spirit, are you? Or from around here? I’m interested to know what you actually are if not a spirit.

-Gargoyle Rick

[clone-ur-rick]

Not sure if this means much to you, but I'm a hologram programmed by a Rick. Although, based on your description, I guess I would be considered a "ghost" in a sense.

I was SUPPOSED to get my Rick's Morty to bring him back to life, but Mortys aren't exactly known for their listening skills, so, here I am. With "unfinished business" or whatever.

[gargoyle-rick]

Ah so … you are a ghost. Maybe not in name, but in…. Spirit… heh

So you have a Morty who’s into necromancy? That’s always such a hard phase to deal with, especially in boys. Always so brooding and moody, while stinking like rotting flesh. I wish you luck with that. Hopefully he can help you with your unfinished business or at least start a good career in funeral services.

-Gargoyle Rick

[gargoyle-rick]

I’m having a local peasant boy paint a portrait of me. It’s coming along awfully. Absolutely hideous with no sense of anatomy or colour coordination. I can’t wait.

-Gargoyle Rick

[gargoyle-rick]

How the hell does that tiny ass leaf cover that huge ass dic-

✨Magic and forced perspective✨

If you’d like to see it up close that can be arranged. I do love a night on the village, though I’ve been banned from the tavern for a while.

-Gargoyle Rick

[gargoyle-rick]

OooooOOOooooo bewarrrreeeee I am a message sent by the divine godsssss and I warn you of some- uh- freaky stuff in your futurrrreee~

- @clone-ur-rick

Oh gods not another spirit…. Have I not been tormented by you people enough? I can’t spend 5 minutes in a graveyard without someone asking for favours or bestowing some prophecy. Ghosts are such… pests…

But fine, I’ll heed your warning. Just don’t expect me to do anything. My time and attention costs coins. Next time bring me a trinket or treat, for now why don’t you float out of my face.

-Gargoyle Rick

[clone-ur-rick]

I uh, should've expected a reaction like that...

I was honestly just bored. You seriously get asked for favors by ghosts that often?

[gargoyle-rick]

And this was not the response I had expected either. Curious. I suppose I also tend to bother strangers when I’m bored, so we have that in common. I’m just glad you aren’t here to curse me or whatnot.

Anyways, since it seems we’re unfamiliar and I have some time to spare, allow me to indulge you in conversation.

Yes, I am often approached by ghosts along with a wide variety of other creatures. I kill many of them, or at least my friend of the priestly persuasion does. They usually pose some sort of threat or we’re asked to dispose of them. Mortimer does so through the goodness of his heart while I do not. I want something in return, hence my issue wth ghosts. They demand a task be done so they can shift into the afterlife but offer nothing as payment. They are so completely selfish and narcissistic, not to mention mopey. They use sob stories to prey on the weak willed which is why Mortimer is so often entangled in their whims.

I would say no offence to your kind, but your demeanour tells me you are not a spirit, are you? Or from around here? I’m interested to know what you actually are if not a spirit.

-Gargoyle Rick

[gargoyle-rick]

OooooOOOooooo bewarrrreeeee I am a message sent by the divine godsssss and I warn you of some- uh- freaky stuff in your futurrrreee~

- @clone-ur-rick

Oh gods not another spirit…. Have I not been tormented by you people enough? I can’t spend 5 minutes in a graveyard without someone asking for favours or bestowing some prophecy. Ghosts are such… pests…

But fine, I’ll heed your warning. Just don’t expect me to do anything. My time and attention costs coins. Next time bring me a trinket or treat, for now why don’t you float out of my face.

-Gargoyle Rick

[ricksanchez-v128]

Hey. @gargoyle-rick . Whaddya say you and me go wreck havoc on Hollywood tonight? 😌

[gargoyle-rick]

Oh ho ho I would love to! I’ve never been before but I am a lover of sowing the seeds of discord. Anything particular in mind? I’m partial to starting small fires or pick pocketing…. Or jumping out of bushes but naked at paassersby

[gargoyle-rick]

In reference to the previous anon I received, I will say that occasionally I do have…. Accidents.

-Gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

Is the leaf a permanent fixture to your body or does it come off?

I adore when people become curious about my clothing choices, or lack there of. The leaf is a part of my body until I remove it, then you can see me in all my glory. But if it’s placed back on, it’s simply attached and whats behind will disappear. It’s a rather clever trick I worked on myself. It allows me so much freedom.

-Gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

Mortimer has decided to experiment again today. It’s been a while since he’s done so. He’s fixated on resurrection and the cheating of death. Believes that he can summon people from the afterlife despite his many many previous attempts. The fixation is unhealthy and more importantly, disruptive to my peace. He insists it’s a worthwhile cause though and I suppose it keeps him out of my way during the day.

I’m pleased he doesn’t have piles of rotted bodies lying about this time. Gods his pre-pubescent flesh phase was frustrating. Burning through hundreds of candles over weeks on end so he can stitch together his slovenly meat puppets. The boy can’t sew for 5 seconds without pricking his finger. Not to mention the stench and foul creatures it would attract. Like rats. Kept me awake for far too many a night.

I’ll be watching over his lab from the rafters as usual. Most likely I’ll have nothing to report as he never gets very far with these things. You’d think after all the studying he does, he would have found a solution by now.

-Gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

Can you feel?

Can you? Why wouldn’t I be able to feel? I feel things all the time. Is it because I don’t have skin? I’ve flayed a man and tried skin for myself, I don’t understand the excitement.

-gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

I had the misfortune of chipping a tooth today. Don’t expect me to smile until it’s fixed.

-gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

How did you and Morty first meet?

A fair question I suppose but I must say the answer is quite unremarkable.

Years ago a stonemason arrived to deliver a multitude of ornate headstone statues for a considerably small funeral. It looked out of place in my once great cathedral, who sits in the remains of a once even greater city. I was curious why someone would bother to send them here. After looking through paperwork and eaves dropping on what was passed along to remaining priest, I had an answer.

The statues were to honour a couple and their daughter. Left for dead during a home invasion, I heard the scene was left quite nasty. The husband, Jeckory smith, was the leader of a smithing company of sorts. Apparently his metalwork was renowned by many and even found it’s way to the king’s very crown.

His ancestral family honed their skills within the city hundreds of years ago, but left hastily as everyone else did during the great haunting. It was tradition for them to be left in this cemetery and so the remaining family made the arrangements. I learned that they had each of the, and I hesitate to call them this, Gargoyles carved to be direct likenesses of the family. Deliciously macabre.

The funeral party consisted of only the priest, a few mourners, and their remaining young son, Mortimer. Left to stare at the faces of his dead family represented in such cold solid stone. None of the mournful souls seemed to care what happened to the boy, as they simply left the priest some money or supplies and went back to wherever they came from. Mortimer and I grew somewhat acquainted as he started his new life here.

An orphaned boy left to the care of a priest. How utterly common. Even more unremarkable, the priest being as old as he was, died before Mortimer could finish his religious studies. Leaving him in this purposeless limbo without the ability to ascend to priesthood, as he so desperately wanted to. It would have given him the opportunity to leave. Yet now he’s forced to wander the cathedral surrounded by the crying faces of his loved ones. I found his overwhelming sorrow and despair to be particularly delectable.

Ever since then his weeping has filled the halls like a sort of music throughout the night.

-Gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

Have you seen the modern world? Has it been jarring for you?

You’ll have to excuse my correction, but I find the use of “modern” to be misleading. The year for me is occurring at the same time as those I visit. Who’s to say my home is the one stuck in the past? That eventually we would follow in your footsteps to become as you are? Nay, there isn’t some linear path that leads us all to the eventuality of industrialization or hand washing. The evolution of magic and monarchism is quite modern from where I stand.

I suppose though that isn’t the answer you seek of me. Luckily I’m feeling charitable today so I suppose I will indulge you.

No. More often than not, I don’t find myself to be jarred by alternate worlds.

While specific details vary from realm to realm, there are many consistencies that ring true no matter what. Beings need transportation, a way to fight, entertainment, sustenance, and the list goes on.

No matter where you end up, men are always capturing beasts or the like to fit their needs. I’ve seen men tame both a dragon and Chevrolet Tahoe alike. Makes no matter what you throw at an opponent if death is the result either way. A magic mirror and a hologram both serve an indifferent master to an equal degree; Having used both though, it’s very clear that one is superior while the other lacks the discipline to obey a simple command. Spite is a terrible source of power and I don’t care how carbon neutral it is.

That being said, I do find most things outside of my realm to be considerably ugly. The lacklustre design of a mail box is nothing against the presentation of a wax sealed scroll paired with a well thrown bird.

-gargoyle rick

[gargoyle-rick]

Pardon the uncouthness but one would assume that if you lay with a gargoyle, when he *ahem* finishes, you’re going to be left filled with wet cement…. No? Of course it will also eventually harden into dry cement.

Just a fair question as I got into a nasty argument with a previous lover as he, in his words “was left unable to poop”.

I’m quite nasty but at least I use common sense hmpf.

-gargoyle rick