Gateway.radio

[gatewayradio]

Santa Monica Everclear- 1995

Everclear - Santa Monica

Listen to Santa Monica on TIDAL

Weaponised apathy finally finding a release with a track that was a little before my time yet remains timeless. Just an anthem of hope wrapped in cynicism. The person who listened to this when it mattered most still had hope for the future and believed that the world was a conquerable place just waiting for him to step up to the plate. The man listening today is going where did that hope go? What happened? When did it all fade, crumble and turn to dust? Why did time get so fast? Why are the memories here over 20 years old?

With a raw and vulnerable guitar welcoming us in. Come. Listen. I am still living with your ghost. Which meant nothing to me as a care free teenager. Is crippling to me as an adult with bills to pay and a life that keeps putting up new roadblocks every time we try to change direction. We can live beside the ocean, leave it far behind. Swim out past the breakers, watch the world die. You and me vs the world. In a different life where every single thing was completely different. Perhaps. I am still dreaming of your face snarled out into existence as the guitar riff gets heavier and drums more poundy. We really thought it could be more than this at some point? Right?

I left this place. Of writing. And expression. I thought there was nothing left to say. Maybe there isn’t. Maybe it is all nonsense. But I got sucked back in today. Cause for some reason, people are still finding this collage of buffoonery and going yeah, it’s alright. And I thought I would write about Santa Monica. And nothing came but a vomiting of half truths about a time that is long past and a present that feels nothing. So how do I weaponise this apathy and make it work for me?

[gatewayradio]

You Stole the Sun from My Heart

Manic Street Preachers - 1998

Manic Street Preachers - You Stole the Sun from My Heart

Listen to You Stole the Sun from My Heart on TIDAL

I woke up this morning from a dream where If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next had been playing on a radio in a sunlit room in a dream. So naturally, I sat down with my morning coffee and just had to listen to the track on the album This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours. Which said it had the release date August 01, 1994. Which confused me. Cause I remembered listening to this album in school with my mates and no way was I 11 at the time. I was in upper school. So a quick trip to Wikipedia told me this album 14 September, 1998. That’s more like it yeah. I was 15 at the time this came out. A quick chat with the AI bot on the support page of Tidal let them know the correct information and the bot told me it would put the album under review. Spent a few seconds there thinking all my memories were false.

You Stole the Sun from My Heart is the next track on the album after If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next. A stark warning about the need to start shooting fascists pretty fucking soon and acceptance of their place in this world is all downhill from here onward. If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next. Huh. But then You Stole the Sun from My Heart came on and I just remembered what a glorious track this. From it’s staccato drums to it’s huge, era defined, Brit Rock guitars. This song doesn’t as much take me back as it reminds me that love is just fucking weird and I still don’t get it now. You have broken through my armour and I don’t have an answer. I love you all the same. I’m lost among the undergrowth, so much so I woke up. I love you all the same. You stole the sun from my heart.

Even now I don’t get it. Is he in love? Is he on the defensive. Is he on the offensive? Nothing makes sense. But my god it is an absolute banging tune with a verse that races towards a sing along chorus with giant buzz distortion filled guitars. And then as we reach the finality, I have, I gotta stop smiling. It gives the wrong impression, I. I love you all the same. As the composition slows down and fades into nothing. What was the point? Did it even need one? Why did it pluck at heartstrings and make eyes feel moist? Who knows. But waking up remembering that shooting fascists is always the right move and being whisked immediately into a generation defining anthem before finishing the morning coffee. Great start to the day.

[gatewayradio]

La Curandera ((Notes From the Trial of)) Clutch - 2004

Clutch - La Curandera ((Notes From the Trial of))

Listen to La Curandera ((Notes From the Trial of)) on TIDAL

What’s your comfort food? When everything is weighing you down and you just need a pick me up? For me it’s to go through the Clutch back catalogue. Guitars that just smash your face off, an easy to nod along to blues rhythm and a singer who spouts tales of wonders. In the shadow of Cerebus her spirit will reside. She dances on black sand in the night, In a linen dress. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It means everything to me. Just larger than life riffs being pounded into my skull at breakneck speed while a Hammond organ screeches in the background adding more layers to the cacophony of the trial of La curandera. It’s a small dose of ridiculous dressed in seriousness but with a wink in its eye and jaunt in its step.

And then that eyes closed, head swinging from side to side bridge comes in. Shed not a tear for humanity. God fetch my stars. This is where guitar riffs live breed and grow into monstrosities while being voiced by a man who see the song as a vehicle for maniacal ranting. Guitars getting somehow even heavier as that Hammond organ is taking a beating. And suddenly nothing. Just feedback. Echoing. On and on. Slowly fading to black. As the beast steps away from the mic and the instruments are just dropped to the floor. An uncomfortable amount of looping feedback. The trial is over. No one won. But a raucous was made.

[gatewayradio]

A Drowning

How To Destroy Angels- 2010

How To Destroy Angels - A Drowning

Listen to A Drowning on TIDAL

Two years had passed since the final farewell album from Nine Inch Nails had been released for free on their website as a thank you to the fans. Two years and me wondering, well, now what do I do? And then A Drowning got released. The first track I heard from the upcoming album How To Destroy Angels by, How To Destroy Angels. And everything felt right with the world again. Trent was making music and his wife was singing some of the most haunting vocals wrapped in that distinctive multi-layered textured sound I had had around me since my first days of dipping my toes into music loving serious. We were back. And with a track to make us feel that there never could be a purpose to anything again, but please. Just help. If you can.

Please, anyone. I don’t think I can save myself. Is her desperate plea inside this desecrated cathedral of sound where only despair can exist. A monotonous beat setting the tempo and layers of percussive distortion stacked on top as synths and a desperately lonely piano try to make themselves known. I’m drowning here, please, anyone. I don’t think I can save myself. This spirit crushing cry of reaching the edge of the last straw and just still having the strength to say please. Help me. I love this moment. As the crushing loneliness of the last ditch desperation is whispered to the void, I feel tranquility. There is a peace in knowing this is the edge. And I can stand here. Surrounded by all the regrets of a life that could have been led a thousand different ways, drowning in a memoir that still isn’t finished. Waves of sounds crashing into me and just say please, one more time. Anyone. Save me. I’m drowning here.

[gatewayradio]

Suicidal

Dead Sara - 2015

Dead Sara - Suicidal

Listen to Suicidal on TIDAL

Muffled like I’m listening underwater. Thoughts that shouldn’t take root but sit there anyway. Just doing our best to drown them but they scream back from underwater. Do you ever feel like dyin’, she screams at you. I remember talking to a therapist once and them asking if there are suicidal thoughts and I said oh just the usual amount you know. 3 or 4 times a week. She said no. The correct amount is zero. What? That doesn’t seem right. So some people go through their whole lives without that. Do what we gotta do to make it through is the last line screamed from underwater before the music moves into the room with us. A brief moment where we just stand tall and say, it is what it is, but we keep on going.

For such a taboo subject, erased by algorithms so we can no longer have a public discourse on the subject matter, the music is incredibly upbeat once it is allowed to breathe and is acknowledged. As with most dark and anti-marketing subjects, once the light is shone on them they become less taboo. So when the stadium chorus comes around you found yourself scream singing along with the chorus yelling at the top of your lungs, We’re suicidal! And finding the entire thing so cathartic.

But this feeling, too will pass as will this post disappear. It will get auto-flagged and de-listed for daring to utter one of the algorithms forbidden words. To find such an upbeat song about the absolute end of the road looks like for many people with nowhere to turn and finding relief in the ability to just look at it and go huh. Pretty banging tune. Found a way to make it through. Found something that made it worth it for one more. Wake up to another day. Run and blow my life away. 50/50 everyday ain’t it really?

[gatewayradio]

One Warren Haynes- 2004

Warren Haynes - One

Listen to One on TIDAL

Upon hearing this cover, I knew this would forever be the definitive version. An old friend up in Norrland showed me this and it was love at first sight. There could never, ever be another version and the original will always feel half-assed in comparison to this. Just Haynes up there on that stage. A single acoustic guitar carrying the weight of all the regrets felt and still to come. And a voice that has just had too much pain for one lifetime.

One for me will always be that dark night of the soul between two lovers. That talk. The one you been putting off and delaying for so long. But now it has to come to a head. This has to get out in the open. Those feelings you had for so long weighing down your guts and making everything so heavy. But how do you express them? The only emotion you ever really understood is anger. And in turn became the only way you ever knew how to express emotion. And this person in front of you is asking you to express yourself with a vocabulary you never learned.

But here. Inside this song. In the depths of Haynes wounded voice, there is a template that makes sense. A way to express what you could never find words for yourself. In such a poetic way, there is a way to say everything you have inside you. It’s with a heavy heart I admit, I could never express myself as raw as this. But I am so thankful for Bono for writing this and Warren Haynes for singing it in the way it deserves.

[gatewayradio]

Wear It Like A Crown

Rebekka Karijord- 2009

Rebekka Karijord - Wear it Like A Crown

Listen to Wear it Like A Crown on TIDAL

A haunting piano to lull us in, and before we can even find our footing she starts singing. She sings with an exhaustion that can only come from losing patience with yourself. Every single day. I don’t know where this fear came from. This fear of failing, fear of letting myself and everyone down. It’s like knives straight through the ego and the heart just sinks inside my chest hearing this. A heart wrenching call for help where the only problem is the noise inside your own head and the fear that holds you still. Just forcing you to listen to every single part of you that wants you to fail and made manifest in song.

This fear is growing deep into my soul. Make me all paralyzed and cold she sings and I just feel my head hang even heavier. When did this fear start dictating all my decisions? Why did she have to put into words the weight that’s been holding me down for longer than I can remember? Cause if I don’t follow my heart this time, I’m gonna forget what this life is all about. What does the heart even want when it’s crushed daily inside a machine that demands time for survival? Where does the heart turn when it is too heavy? There is sadness so deep inside this song that even the resolution feels too monolithic to contemplate.

Cause courage and belief are redeems. No one else can rescue me it seems. There is no one out there to offer a hand and say stand tall and proud. You’re alone and The Fear is all you have to keep you company. Can you wear it like a crown or does the weight of it all crushing down on you feel heavier for every passing day?

[gatewayradio]

Silence (DJ Tiësto’s In Search Of Sunrise Remix) Delerium, Tiësto, Sarah McLachlan- 2004

Delerium, Tiësto & Sarah McLachlan - Silence (DJ Tiësto's In Search Of Sunrise Remix)

Listen to Silence (DJ Tiësto's In Search Of Sunrise Remix) on TIDAL

Nothing hits. All the words are fake extensions of an ego that can’t rest. Time to exorcise all that noise with Silence. And it has to be just the mix. All other mixes are wrong. This is my home. This is where I stood and reached for the lasers. This is comfort in a bass line that rearranges the insides to say stay in this moment. Right here. Right now. With me. This is the only place you need to be. Feel it flow through you. Let the music build, let it take you places beyond where the ego can reach. Just close your eyes. Oh. My. God. That voice. I just need to close my eyes, listen and nothing else can exist right now. The song gets busy but I can always hold onto that rumbling rolling bass and Sarah’s voice A guide during this moment of silence inside my head where I can just listen.

And I wanted to believe that I’d get caught up, when the rage in me subsides. The drums fade, the synth of the angels builds up and Sarah just unleashes a powerful and gentle pummeling of how much the silence means when all the anger subsides. There is a freedom that comes from standing in the silence and just letting it crash over. In this white wave of serenity, I am free. I have seen you. Inside this white wave and you are silent. You are with me. And the silence has to end to make way for the thumping tempo of clarity given and of journeys beginning from this place of peace.

This is my church. This is my faith. This is where the healing happens. Deep inside the rhythm of thumping track there is a silence I can find and stand inside.

[gatewayradio]

Night or Day LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER - 2024

LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER - Night or Day

Listen to Night or Day on TIDAL

In celebration of the UK’s last place in the Eurovision we gonna look at some other music by LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER, cause in all honesty this guy is fantastic. Be it making the nightmare fuel that is a Furby organ to producing absolute bangers like this track to constructing his own weird and whacky instruments. Cause what else is a bonkers sound engineer to do? Night or Day starts with guitars harking back to the height of Brit pop before a fat filthy synth comes with backing vocals created by himself on a reverb loop. I know I getting too technical here and just splooging over the guy but my god this mans creativity is without borders and I am in awe just to sit in the shade of what he makes. Marvel at the construction of it all and giggle with excitement of a schoolboy putting mentos into a coca-cola bottle for the first time.

The song is a declaration of rapture. I have built all my machines, taken all of my pills and now there is nothing left to do. I need to run away from here, tasting absolutely no fear. Just keep running until there ain’t no night or day. No say, no space, no shame. Just a blending of all the hours so neither night or day exists. The demons that come at nighttime are now creative muses. The lethargy of sunlight and days spent waiting for the night to roll around to get back to the real work. I’ve seen the fractures, call them what you will. There’s nothing to redeem. A journey beyond the accepted walls we put around ourselves just to be drowned in the rapture of the synth gods.

Take me away. Till there ain’t no night or day.

[gatewayradio]

The Great Below Nine Inch Nails - 1999

Nine Inch Nails - The Great Below

Listen to The Great Below on TIDAL

Happy birthday Trent. How do you pick a favourite from such a vast catalogue where brilliance is facing you at every turn? How about the double album I brought on release day, skipped working to stay at home and listen to all day long and only really grew to fall for this track just a year ago? Starting in a deep dark synth hole of claustrophobic where sorrow highlights the oppression. Just surrounded by the depths of every mistake ever made and being told, listen. This is what every regret you ever made sounds like. Is there hope for me? All the spoils of a wasted life. All of this for you. Can it ever mean a thing? Whispers so distant just telling you repeatedly, you made all the wrong choices. She is gone. You are gone. It’s all gone. Forever. There is no coming back from this. The currents are pulling you away from every ambition you ever held. 

And a sudden violent outburst. And I descend from grace. In arms of undertow. I will take my place. In the Great Below. This is my home now. Sucked away and dragged out into a vast expanse of nothing but void. There is nothing here. It is the Great Below. Where nothing can exist and nothing can hurt me anymore. But I can still feel you. Even so far away. You never left entirely. You still live under this skin. And no matter how far the current pulls me into the void. You will always be there. Buried underneath everything I have created and abandoned and destroyed. An echo of a memory of a time when it all meant something. 

Just the sad realisation that all the ghosts are still there. Always there. And can never leave. Despite a descent from grace years ago and too much time spent wallowing in the Great Below. I can still feel it all. Even so far away.

[gatewayradio]

I Alone Live - 1994

Live - I Alone

Listen to I Alone on TIDAL

A huge part of me is convinced that 1994 was the greatest year for music. Both Blur and Oasis debuted here. Nirvana had just given us In Utero and Courtney Love’s desperate plea in the album Live Through This, was haunting. I feel such a desperate stay-with-me-sadness echoing throughout that whole album. And then there is Live - Throwing Copper. Right at the tail end of grunge but still walking their own path completely. I Alone is where we land today to glimpse back at this era. A song that starts so gentle and caring and fills me with a dread that lives on today. 

Promises of companionship and caring in the start of a relationship. I will be there for you, I will care for you, I will offer the world according to where I am standing and you will be grateful to receive it. But then the stadium sized chorus kicks in with cries of I alone love you, I alone tempt you, I alone love you. I am the only one you can turn to for love. There is no one else but me, myself and I. And I am pretty certain that is not the message being portrayed in the world of 1994. But in a way, surely he knows? He knows this is the repetitive sonic battery into submission and isolation. It’s all I can hear myself and I am pretty certain just by saying this, I have ruined this song for someone. 

Oh, now, we took it back too far, only love can save us now. All these riddles that you burn, all come running back to you. We regressed so far in a desperate attempt to cling to a child-like grasp of love that we lost our way entirely. A destructive attempt to experience puppy love one more time and now it is beyond broken. Only love can save us now. But you know what love is? I alone love you. I alone love you. I alone tempt you. I alone love you.

[gatewayradio]

The Test The Chemical Brothers - 2002

The Chemical Brothers - The Test

Listen to The Test on TIDAL

Just longing for a chemically induced revelation to come from somewhere. To stand on top of the engines of my own mind and say look. I understand it. I can feel what it means to be alive and a part of this weird and wonderful shared hallucination where pain and suffering go hand in hand with pleasure and ecstasy. Just pour a heroic dose inside my body. Let me dream of a future that doesn’t exist inside of any known reality. Let the beat of the music take me to a place where I can hear you and you can hear me. You know I almost lost my mind. I couldn’t explain. What I have seen. See waves breaking form to my horizon. I’m shining.

The beat is solid and body moving. This needs movement to exist and I have to move to feel the music. It’s only natural. The beat. From where we all began. Boom boom. Boom boom. A constant beat inside our developing heads as we waited without even knowing. Soon we would see the world and the beat would fade. Alone surrounded by ones who love and intimacy of the beat torn away from us. Are you feeling me? Like I am feeling you? My heart and soul they long to be free. But the doorway is forever out of reach. The acid test. Never taken. Always wanted to. 

Lord, did I pass the acid test? I never stepped into that liberating abyss of complete detachment from the reality I have to see and endure everyday. Will I pass the acid test? Lord. You better go to bed now. Long for the day when your heart and soul are free. Maybe I will almost lose my mind. But I will be home. And I will be free.

[gatewayradio]

Stages 40 Watt Sun - 2023

40 Watt Sun - Stages

Listen to Stages on TIDAL

A melancholic tone to slow the heart right down. Just settle down into the saddest version of yourself and listen as layers of reverse hedonism wash over you. The singer comes in and it’s haunting. Just a voice that pushes inside the skin to nestle inside and say hey, I’ve got some discomforts to share with you. Wanna listen? If only I was wise enough, to know everything sure and true about myself, you would not be here. If only I knew the person I am, would that not make it easier to navigate this life? Or is the lack of knowing who I am the only reason you stay around? You took the pieces of our lives. And made us something new. Here I was just gliding through life and you took all of that lack of direction and gave it purpose that we could build upon together. 

Now you don’t see me trying. I put all my purpose into you and you were not enough to fill this empty vessel. I took that purpose you gave to the both of us and expected you to carry it all. So if you want to surrender, then I will too. If you want me to carry on, then I will do. All of this broken life, is yours to carry. For both of us. Cause I have become so co-dependent that any choice in regards to our future is locked in a place I cannot go. A place where I am wise enough to know myself. You know myself for me and that is the weight you must carry if we are to carry on. 

And the beat goes on. Slow melancholic heavy steps towards a conclusion that will ultimately be dissatisfactory. And through this apathy wider than the sky, I’m feeling everything like nothing in my life. Unable to partake in my own life but feeling everything in my life has a purpose while you are here. To carry the weight of my lack of self-knowledge. As angelic tones move in and out of the melancholy. Is this the march towards an end or towards a greater place? The angels quieten and the rhythm stays the same. And on we march. Lost in a void of repetitive patterns. Until it all abruptly stops. And it’s over. All gone. And all that remains is a heavy pregnant silence where no choices ever had to be made. If only I was wise enough to know everything sure and true about myself…

[gatewayradio]

These Are Old Hands The Devil and the Almighty Blues - 2017

The Devil and the Almighty Blues - These Are Old Hands

Listen to These Are Old Hands on TIDAL

As I was setting this all up to write I see this song is from 2017 and today I heard someone say, way back in the ancient times of 2017 in a documentary. Nothing more to add. Just ouch. This song starts with a fat rolling riff that is just relentless in its pursuit of foot stomping music. The kind of riff that stirs something inside the deadest of cold black hearts. Let these rains come, to wash us all away. Time to let go of these old hands of mine. And suddenly plunged into the cold dark of slow and deliberate riffs. A single hi-hat ticking the seconds away. And tranquility. A reprise from the need to just let it all go. Sweet melodies soothing the worries away as. Gentle caress of sound easing the transition. The constant ticking of hi-hat. That reminder that even in downtime, time marches on and we can’t stop it even if we do have time to smell the roses. 

Guitar solo crescendoing to a higher plane. Taking all that stillness and turning it into a deity of sonic adulation. A pause with seemingly no end that won’t stop growing in size. Taking over all the silence to fill the air with its gross size and structure. A stuttering feedback loop is suddenly walked into, the sound can’t continue as it fades into an echo. And the first big fat riff starts up again. But lacking the original momentum. It struggles to get started before it lands on its feet and just keeps on pushing through to that foot stomping, cheshire cat grin inducing riff. Enjoy this for a moment and keep on stomping them feet. Racing faster and faster towards a destination we can’t see. 

And spilling out in exuberance one more time. Let these rains come, to wash us all away. Time to let go of these old hands of mine. The weight they bare been holding me down where even the silence has an air of tension to it. These old hands of mine. Typing in vain to give meaning to a place that just asks for you to listen.

[gatewayradio]

Kidneythieves - Invisible Plan - 2011

Kidneythieves - The Invisible Plan

Listen to The Invisible Plan on TIDAL

Slow dirty synths, rhythmic hip-thrusting drumbeats, ridiculously low voice beckoning us in, whispers in the background adding tension. Life is like a dream, it’s a nightmare. Right. Screamed with venom and violence in the heart. Bass drop and happy disco beats wrapped in dirty synths and melodic singing of I’m gonna be your nightmare baby. 

A brief respite in the soundscape. You take it all. Who are you? Why do you need it all? The illusion of knowing that we know nothing at all. And it’s still a blank page. Racing bass, warped sounds, echos of a past moment clinging to the air. You take it all. You take it all. Again. And suddenly clarity inside the eye of the storm. My heroes don’t fly, they get all up inside. You feel them in there? Placing seeds of curiosity that your mind muscle has to flex to grow. The invisible plan. To just grow. In any way possible. By just doing this. 

The art of the hustle is to use the mind as a muscle. That’s the invisible plan. And this mind is tired and set in its ways but still full of curiosity. And in desperate need to be sonically assaulted by violence inside music. For the love of the game. For the chance to feel alive. When all is grey. The invisible plan.

[gatewayradio]

Pulse - Two One Six - 2016

Two One Six - Pulse

Listen to Pulse on TIDAL

Everything has already been said before and there is nothing left to say but still an endless tsunami of words that must come out. Why? For what purpose? Who do you write for? You hear that rumbling bass? Rolling in and surrounded by the siren’s call? It’s the sound of constant tension that never breaks. That sounds that haunts your waking life and lives just below the surface of the image you project into the world. The idea that anyone sees behind this facade is terrifying. The idea of living another day with this mask equally so. Just let the tension rise. Don’t touch it. Don’t feel it. Don’t look at it. Don’t acknowledge. Just pretend you got this, keep going forward. For what purpose? Who knows. Just to see another day? Is that enough? 

Why are we putting words to paper? Why did we stop? Why do I have to carry on? That siren call. It’s there, under the tension. What is she calling me towards? What am I being called away from? Who wants to see this fake attempt at a life and say that is interesting. One shot, it’s all you get. And you waste it away, fading away. Promises made for tomorrow, never kept for today. All that potential, they said. And now? A lonely room, in a lonely house, to an audience of none. For no other purpose than I have to. But I don’t even know why I have to anymore and the routine has faltered. Stumbled. Decayed to become an idea, instead of an abject event. 

Rolling bass, tense siren calls, unease in every single moment. Still we carry on, with a weight we can never understand, a mirror we can never look into and a call we can’t understand let alone answer. 

[gatewayradio]

Time Bomb – Nick Barker - 1994

Nick Barker - Time Bomb

Listen to Time Bomb on TIDAL

That raw, downplayed and understated guitar that dominated the early 90s is our welcoming guest. Come in, sit down, listen. Let me tell you a story. I been sweeping the leaves out of my driveway. I’ve been living a good life up to now. Tell me about how living a life so mundane and contained has kept you sane. Kept you close to the precipice of sanity while the repetitive noise of just living a good and simple life is keeping you stable. Guitars moving with a purpose, drums steady. Never speeding up, never slowing down. Just onwards. All the time. Well here’s one soul your system won’t save. Well I been living a good life up to now. I been sweet and I been good. I’m doing what is asked from me and trying to make it in this world. I’m doing it all right. And I am so close to the edge of just letting it all fall apart. A time bomb waiting to go off and just burn it all down with me. 

Wild guitars, breaking loose from the drudgery of rhythm to just explode in an orgasmic array of sound and over just like that. Slow. Quiet. I been doing my best. I really have. I need my prescription, cause I been having those strange dreams again. I promise you, I will keep it together for one more day. The time bomb is ticking. It’s controlled. Through therapy sessions and basket weaving. But it’s there. Tick, tick, tick. Just let the piano in and the guitars can go a little loose. The piano is soothing but the savagery underneath inside the screaming guitars is still there. And we fade away to silence. Leaving me with the shaky feeling of just driving through a hurricane while screaming I’m ok.