["It seems that as lesbians engage in the continuing process of self-definition, their sense of the essentiality or fluidity of their sexuality may change. In contrast, the distinction between primary and elective lesbianism seems to remain more dichotomous over the course of development. Women of all ages with whom I have spoken made reference to such a distinction; they tended to identify as one or the other, and experienced this identification as one that was stable.
Let me return to my discussion of these differing dimensions of lesbian identity as they were experienced by the students with whom I spoke. Because among themselves some of these students discussed lesbianism and their differing experiences of it, they were often aware that not all lesbians described themselves similarly. Sometimes they had distinct opinions about themselves in relation to other lesbians who described themselves differently. For example, some women whom I have characterized as primary lesbians referred to themselves as "born" or "real" lesbians with the implicit designation of elective lesbians as "fake."
It was not uncommon for an elective lesbian to express to me privately her speculations about whether she was "really" a lesbian. At times she wondered whether she wasn't "really" bisexual, or even heterosexual. While some primary lesbians interpret such uncertainty as difficulty in coming out, unwillingness to give up heterosexual privilege, or internalized homophobia, it seems to me that at least some of the elective lesbian's uncertainty can be traced back to the belief within the campus lesbian community that women who choose to be lesbians are somehow less real, or legitimate, than those who felt they had no choice about it.
Despite this belief, there did seem to be to be a tolerance within the community for differences based on primary, compared with elective, lesbianism. In contrast, the issue of whether sexuality was thought of as essential or fluid was a much more sensitive one. For example, there was a noteworthy asymmetry in the application of the concept of the fluidity of sexual attractions when discussed in relation to lesbian and heterosexual women. I spoke with more than a few lesbians who were quite intolerant of (some) heterosexual women's insistence that they were simply not sexually attracted to women and that they couldn't imagine ever feeling differently. Implied in their intolerance was the belief that, despite heavy socialization pressures, sexual attraction is never so fixed and unmalleable as to be irrevocably focused just on persons of one sex. Yet some of these same women were equally intolerant of the opposite stance, that sexual feelings could exist toward persons of either sex, when expressed by a lesbian.
The assumption was often made about lesbians who were unwilling to state that that they were (forever) uninterested sexually in men, that they must be having difficulty in coming out, or were unwilling to accept a stigmatized identity. Sometimes they were assumed to be going through a bisexual phase, or worse yet, to be male-identified and operating under a false consciousness. The assumption that bisexuality is simply a phase in the coming-out process of lesbians, and that those who call themselves bisexuals are really just lesbians unwilling to call themselves that, has been countered by the contention from self-proclaimed bisexuals that their lesbianism was a phase in their coming out as bisexuals.
The problem with all of these assumptions is that one person or set of persons presumes an attitude of knowing and understanding the meaning of another person's experience better than the person who is herself experiencing it. In this climate, individual women may have a difficult time finding their own voices and defining their own experiences. To the extent that lesbianism is very narrowly defined, the categories will restrict, rather than give full expression to, the diversity among women who subjectively describe themselves as lesbian.
The question of sexual identity and how it is formed is not well understood, but some of our psychological conceptions do not do justice to the complexity of the process. We have often simplistically assumed that people have sexual attractions to persons of one or the other sex (but not both), that they act on those exclusive attractions, and that they eventually come to adopt the identity appropriate to their sexual activities, although there may be some resistance when that identity is a stigmatized one. It appears to be the case, however, that sexual feelings and activities change; they can be fluid and dynamic. And furthermore, the reality is that feelings, activities, and self-conscious identities may not at all times be congruent. It has been suggested by social psychologists that people strive for congruence between their thoughts and feelings, and that with respect to sexual identity in particular, we are motivated to achieve congruence between our feelings, activities, and self-proclaimed identities. This suggestion, however, does not accord with what I observed during my six-and-a-half years at a women's college in the late seventies and early eighties."]
carla golden, from diversity and variability in women's sexual identities, from lesbian psychologies: explorations and challenges, edited by the boston lesbian psychologies collective, 1987
