⚧ transition blog

soren / 28 / transmasc hysterectomy 14 Dec 2016 // started T 11 Jan 2018 // top surgery 27 Jul 2020 // simple meta april 10 2023

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gender hack: develop a medical fetish

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oh we are so back!!!

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I miss t shots…

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are you my furreal friend was it really only a day under 8 months ago I got my dick flayed and reborn?

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over-itched my dick -_- now I have to sit and ignore it for the next x hours

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shot shot shots everybody

💉🦵🩹

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obsessed with how over the span of a few hours I waffled between being like “YES I should pursue phalloplasty ASAP” to “meh not a priority” to “not interested” to “well… :3c”

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sooooo grateful that I didn’t have a catheter when I went home. I’ve been watching the metoidioplasty subreddit and so many folks are discharged with a foley even for just simple meta? yeowch!

also everything is going well and continues to relax and feel more normal. The scar tissue on the underside and from the labiaplasty is still pretty tight but that’s normal for only being 3 months post op :)

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kinda epic that post-op sensation and structures are so different that I have to practice to get good again

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feeling a little frustrated with myself — trying to have sex the second and third times has been much less successful than the first :( I understand there’s a learning curve and that first one has the benefit of being The First and probably could have done no wrong in my eyes but now that it’s back to the normal level of reciprocal sex it’s like. wow this shit is difficult. I told them I was entering my penis training arc and we laughed though :)

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yesterday was kinda weird – woke up feeling fine, started to go do some minor shopping errands (again, nothing overly rigorous or unusual), then started to get tired after the first leg (planned on it being a 4-part adventure). i went from maybe a 6-7 to a flat out 0 in 30 minutes?! it was insane. I haven't experienced an energy drain / fatigue gain like that in a long time (honestly if ever?) and it was kinda creepy. remedied with early afternoon weed so i would at least relax some (and that definitely helped). but the only thing that cured me was having penis sex for the first time :] i was penis delirious, gender euphoria moment for sure. maybe even the best time i've ever had just for the sheer buildup it's taken to get here!

tldr: weird day lol

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t shirt that says “I’M ADDICTED TO SURGICALLY MODIFYING MY BODY”

(2016 - 2020 - 2023)

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January 29, 2018 - 19 days on T

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14 May 2023 — 5 years, 4 months, and 4 days since starting T!

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looking forward to smelling normal not like closing wounds

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day 29 thoughts:

VERY glad I didn’t go with the urinary lengthening and/or vaginectomy. as it is I’m a fidgety wiggly person and the thought of still having a suprapubic catheter in for another 4 weeks if I’d gone that route makes me want to kms (plus I’ve been reading other people’s experiences with UL and it seems like complications are the norm :( which is sad but makes sense since it’s a complex surgery with delicate parts)

cutting the legs off cheap tights to make tight underwear to hold the dressings in place was a good idea especially for the first two weeks. regular underwear doesn’t hold it as well and it’s a little rougher plus it’s better to bleed through cheap faux underwear than nice boxers or what have you

the skin is sooo soft?!

do NOT start running around and jumping and playing on day 11 even though you are feeling much better. Just because the swelling is almost gone doesn’t mean you’re healed lol (note to myself if I could go back in time)

if I were to go into another surgery like this again, I would make a concerted effort to rein in my depression. I was in (hopefully coming out of?) a fairly serious episode prior but I didn’t want to bring it up with any of my care team for fear of jeopardizing my surgery timeline (at this point I’ve been working on getting bottom surgery for around 5 years, and I’m planning on moving to a part of the state where it would be far more difficult to pursue meta). I think this has been a very hard part for me. So not only have I been depressed post-op for typical reasons (restricted ability / mobility, discomfort, and the general concept of having my penis flayed), but my normal chronic depression is like. so active rn. so it’s been shitty in my brain for the past month /: THAT BEING SAID. those are me problems not problems I have with the actual surgery! I am delighted to have gotten it!

Overall healing has been pretty straightforward. The incisions are closing (still some separation but nothing free bleeding), swelling is pretty much gone, and I have found my urethra! We are getting to the “stitches dissolving unevenly in different areas” stage which has been an annoying stage for me in prior surgeries (I ❤️ picking) and I still get some spotting when I spread things too wide and rip the edges of my wounds. This Friday I have my first in person post op appointment with my surgeon (we’ve had multiple calls supplemented with photos of my progress) so I’m excited to hear what he thinks. Also I hope he removes the stitches so that way I don’t have to LOL

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29 days post op!!

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post-op depression real. granted pre-op depression was already in place but not being able to run around or lift things or clean (my top 3 favorite things to do) makes it worse :(