Elton's phone call with Sheila takes an unexpected turn.
One by one, I inserted the coins as the pay phone door slammed shut behind me. The noise of metal on metal, the coins clanging around inside the machine did nothing for my searing headache. Hastily I punched in the familiar phone number, it was fresh in my mind despite not having spoken to her for weeks, maybe even a month now.
I had been so eager to get this over with, that it didn't entirely register with me what I was about to do until the dial tone was ringing in my ears. I cursed my impulsiveness as the drone of my Mother's voice hit me from the other end of the phone.
"I've got something to tell you." I blurted, out of breath with anticipation, trying desperately to sound confident. This was me being in control, me telling her the truth before any of the tabloids got there first. She tried to dismiss me, shut me up so she 'didn't miss my performance'. I could feel myself getting more agitated by the second - though I wasn't sure if this was a result of her sheer stupidity, or my longing for the half-drunk bottle of whisky I had left on the backseat of the car when I had stormed off just minutes earlier.
John had been pestering me for weeks about finally 'coming out' to my parents. I didn't see why I had to, they read the tabloids, saw the headlines about the scandalous life I was living, all while acting completely disinterested in me whenever I saw them or made contact, of course. The speculation had begun months ago, and was becoming all the more frequent ever since John and I had secretly become 'an item', we hadn't told anyone, but the papers had already made up their mind. No amount of damage control or fake girlfriends was going to fix this. I was gay, and everyone knew it, why was it my fault the very people that brought me into this world were too blind (or, in hindsight, ignorant) to see it?
John was right too, theirs were the first doors reporters would knock on. My dad would probably slam the door in their faces, that smug grin on his face, content in the fact he'd had precisely nothing to do with my upbringing and the car-crash my life was spiralling into. Mother, however, would talk. Sing my praises or throw me under the bus, either depending which way the wind was blowing or what story would bring in the most cash.
John had brought the subject of my parents up again that morning, wittering on at me as I paced around the house, waiting for the latest concoction of pills and powder to kick in and steady my nerves. A panic had been rising in me for days, and, like always, I'd been chemically subduing it to a just about tolerable level, but John's impeccable timing of letting me know just how much my family would never forgive me for deceiving them, hours before one of the biggest shows of my career so far, was enough to tip me over the edge.
Now I was here, standing in a phone box in central London, about to break my Mother's heart. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, a rushed conversation with wide-eyed Londoners gawking at me from the other side of this red box. I had spoken to her last month, and for once my mother had seemed interested in me, promised to watch my performance on television. I knew this was most definitely Fred's idea, and she was only watching for bragging rights down at the pub next week; "Did you see my Reggie on the television this weekend? Wasn't he brilliant? I was a single parent you know, didn't I bring him up well?", but still the affection-starved child in me loved knowing she'd be watching me do what I love. Now whatever recollection she had of the show was going to be tainted by the bombshell I was about to drop on her.
I panicked, words that had been only ever been said to me in menace and stung the back of my throat to even speak tumbled out of my mouth. Poofter. Fairy. Queer. I said anything and everything so there was no doubt in her mind what I was trying to say.
She was quiet for a second, longer than that, too long. I slurred something at her, annoyed, and finally she spoke. My head was fuzzy from alcohol and the sudden release of adrenaline. I could hear her speaking to me, but the utter disbelief at what she was was deafening.
Her cruel words gripped at my chest, pulling it apart as my breathing slowed, heartbeat loud in my ears. I wanted to tell her to fuck off, slam down the receiver. I wanted to scream at John wondering why the hell he had thought this was a good idea. I wanted to to crawl back to the car, finish the bottle waiting for me in a few quick swigs before going home and drinking everything in sight, take everything I had.
I wanted to get on stage and be 'Elton the rockstar'. Instead I felt like ten year old Reggie Dwight again, crouched at the top of the stairs listening to his parents screaming about how he had ruined both their lives. I wanted to get so wasted I would pass out and not wake up until next week, having forgotten this ever happened. But I was paralyzed, unable to move as the woman who should love me more than anyone in the world, told me in disgust what my future held.
A/N - Taron's performance in this scene stood out to me as one of the most powerful in the film and it inspired me to right a lil something based on the moment. This is the first time I've written in literally years so let me know what you think!