A Gay Schlub

A blog by a man who is in many ways unremarkable and lacks greater ambitions. And I like other men. None of the pictures are mine unless I say so myself. NSFW

[gayschlub]

Open Secrets

I'm going to just make this site my journal. A clean break from the old one. Best thing is: I'm connected to nobody I know IRL. It's all virtual from here.

Not that I'm going to share my old blog. But I will share myself here, more openly. But only when I feel it.

Now, i just want to have you know that I'm here. I don't like myself very much most days. I'm 31 years old and yet I don't feel like my age. I have a boyfriend, but otherwise, I have little else. My parents are dead. I keep on minimal engagement with my dad's side of the family. My half siblings aren't that trustworthy. My mom's side of the family is very intrusive. I keep things from them. My boyfriend is the only person left that makes me feel like a real human being again. And yet, I'm scared of that. I want to be more self sufficient, emotionally, that is. He drives me up a wall and yet I still love him to pieces.

I want to be more vulnerable, but it's 230 AM and i need sleep. I love you all.

[gayschlub]

I'm back

Well, sorta. I've seen the new episodes of queer eye on Netflix, and they're quite good. The fab 5 on this series are much more relatable than the first one.

I bring this up because i had a brief conversation with one of my friends about the term "schlub" to describe someone. In this case, I'm using it to refer to the guys on the show that are being made over. I freely, and kind of flippantly, call them the schlubs. Friend used it hesitantly. I asked him why he seemed hesitant. He said that the term schlub comes across as insulting. I don't really agree with that assessment, but i see why he can think that way. I don't have a problem with it because, well, I am a schlub. So there.

[gayschlub]

Laundry and heartbreak

[lexlamperouge]

Reblog if you are soft and like to be cuddled

[gayschlub]

This is me very much

[gayschlub]

Deep down, beneath the polo shirt and the salary job and the body hair and the fat and the muscle and thc and the alcohol and the snark and wit... ...I'm still just a sad little emo kid at heart. I just want to love you and be loved back by you.

[gayschlub]

I've got a massive case of the lonelies tonight

[gifbro]

[4gifs]

Hurr durr I’m a human. [video]

[gayschlub]

My spirit animal right here

[gayschlub]

So, I went to that rave last night. It was a hot mess. Tonight, I'm gonna drink beers with my roommate and gossip about Game of Thrones

[gayschlub]

WTF am I doing with my life. I just bought tickets for a two day gay rave tomorrow. ...I need to do laundry

[skoogers-deactivated20200909]

There’s so many things I want to say to you. But when will it ever be appropriate. 

[gayschlub]

Ooff. This guy's on a roll tonight

[gayschlub]

Cleaning: it beats sitting on the couch and feeling lonely.

[gayschlub]

Note to self: calm your tits about the guy you met at EDC. Yes, you fall in love hard, and yes, it's a strong mix of happy and painful feelings. Eventually, they'll subside. You'll be fine. If he likes you, he'll come back to you and you'll chat more. Just be easy, and use this as a stepping stone to find a quality man that exists in driving distance. You live in Southern California, home to over 22 million people - surely there must be one out there for you. In the meantime, don't be afraid to cultivate what you have with the guy in Atlanta. Who knows what may come of this, to be honest.

[gayschlub]

It's amazing how sudden this contrast is: yesterday we were messaging each other all morning, sending each other music. Today, nothing. If there's anything harder for me than falling in love, it's knowing that the guy I'm in love with is falling out of love with me. Getting on The Apps last night didn't help much, either. I feel like I'm trying to replace him, and I'm not doing a very good job at it.

[gayschlub]

Hello, you don't know me. Welcome to my blog. A simple text blog whose aim is to convey the feelings I keep in life that I tell nobody. By making these private thoughts public, I hope you can understand. I love you all.

[gayschlub]

It feels like my time with the guy I met at EDC has since finally started to come down from it's peak. Problem is, I'm madly in love with him. I've never met another guy that I share so many similar interests with and enjoys them with me. In the last week, he's shown me so much more music than I could possibly imagine otherwise. We like the same chapstick. We both talk about going over to visit each other. He's the most wonderful man I've met, yet. But, he lives in Atlanta, and I live next to Disneyland. He's moving to NYC to start med school. I'm a full time engineer. I want something to happen but the odds seem so drastically against it going any farther than maybe a couple of visits. And the crazy thing is that I don't fall in love easily, and when I do, I fall hard. It's great and it sucks.

[gayschlub]

Went to EDC a week ago, and now I feel like I've finally recovered from it. Hardest partying of my life. Also, I met a guy at EDC and we've been chatting and trading music. He's amazing. I feel we get along on many levels. He lives in Atlanta, then moving to NYC for med school. I live in OC and work full time. It's rough to know that pursuing this guy is gonna be hard and getting harder. We're planning on seeing each other again in a few months. On the other hand, it gives me hope that there will be guys out there for me. Hope I can find one that lives closer to me.

[gayschlub]

The closet kills