William :)

I'm just a guy :) (smile), I have one (1) William dollars (I am a williamaire)

[wifehaver103947]

[psychotic-gerard]

listening to a man break up with his partner on the train and the first sentence I heard was "I just don't appreciate you cheating on me six different times, once with my own father."

[eggblackoutpoetry]

“Egg”

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[jewish-joy]

#i love prayer plants but they're fussy so I don't keep them#can we have a picture op they're so pretty

Behold, Dorothea

(Naming my plant "Gift of God," and then giving her to a seminarian with just the explanation that it's a prayer plant? Okay, that's my bad.)

[jewish-joy]

I should also add- I ran into my rabbi and explained the situation. I then asked, earnestly, if there was a remedy. A mikveh of sorts, or a beit din, or something.

He turned to me, sighed, and said in a very deadpan tone-- "Plants don't have covenants, Joy,"

So Dorothea's a free agent according to rabbinic opinion. I guess I'll permit her to be Roman Catholic.

[gothicprep]

one of my classic texts, from the archives

[badassdemonsword]

this gif is like... almost biblical. as if hes experiencing a pharaohs curse...

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

wtf were you gonna say

[redhotarsenic]

Please respect my privacy

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

my deepest apologies

[redhotarsenic]

I forgive you

[redhotarsenic]

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

[eggblackoutpoetry]

“Egg”

[acanfullofspiders]

Old habits die hard...

[blightedataashi]

Grace at 3 am with what’s left of his sleep deprived brain struggling: hot buns this is the best essay I’ve read all year. I’m giving this student two stars

[innerchildabortionclinic]

interesting kink assortment on the dash

[ambrystoma]

Hitting the Jeremy during ur bosses important meetings

[pocketss]

It was important to me that she puts emphasis on the TOK

[thenestsystem]

sorry that happened to u but i’m built different (i forgot)

[zapatism]

lol ur watching the world cup finals sorry im too busy HAVING SEX

(texting my dick guy) we gotta have sex rn i just blogged

(dick guy) im watching the world cup

[eggblackoutpoetry]

“Egg [x3]”

[sanguine-humor]

phm is decently popular in japan and i mostly see this when i check twitter and see accounts posting pictures of handmade rocky plushies that are so fucking round looking it brings a tear to my eye

[sanguine-humor]

he keeps me sane

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

okay

these are the executive functions. impairment of these functions is executive dysfunction

[dailypattondoodles]

Oh.

OH

[lurlur]

Girl, help. None of my executives are functioning

[bunniope]

i skink therefore i scram...!

[bunniope]

[datura-45]

Exact context of this scene btw

[redstonedust]

i understand (on paper) why companies are anti-piracy but its funny when random individuals are also strongly anti-piracy. like how does it negatively affect your life if someone you know downloads a cracked torrent of sims 4. you dont work for EA. EA isnt gonna pay you for this. you lose nothing. its fine. chill out.

[goodieprocter]

I spent almost an entire work shift drawing this tooth-rotting fluff

featuring the Eridian Welcoming Committee courtesy of @justcakethanks

[justcakethanks]

Okay this is just on another level. I'm not crying IT'S JUST RAINING. ON MY FACE.