first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line
second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all
third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below
fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?
fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves
sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it
seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him
eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night
ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him
tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk
eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important
twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go
thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme
fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader
fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that
sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why
i feel like elaborating on this. people can only ever really imagine asians (and honestly most poc but since i’m asian this is what i feel comfortable with) as objects - specifically objects of desire. you’re an anime character, or a yaoi bishounen, or a kpop idol, or a label on some food, or a porn category, or, or, or. no matter what, you are something to be consumed. this also coincides really neatly with the perception of asia as a monolith - an asian (be they thai or tibetan or korean) is only that: asian. little thought is paid to culture or nationality or ethnicity (because surprise! asian countries have several ethnicities within their borders!). and again asians are interchangeable. you’ve heard the joke that all asians look alike, right? seen how people compare every asian person they see to their bias?
everyone fucking loves asians until it’s time to think about them as individuals, as separate groups, as actual people. the instant we go from fantasy to reality we lose out glitz and people turn their heads and look away. this gets to the point where even realistic portrayals of asian people are warped back into that little box for the purpose of selling to mass market - see peni parker! it... idk it sucks 💖 please examine the way you think about asians and asia
It is a painful truth that actually none of my fics are abandoned, no, not even the ones that haven’t updated in five years. I still know exactly what happens next, and after that, and so on. They’re not abandoned; they’re right here, haunting me, characters climbing up my pants like kittens nagging for dinner.
apparently this must be said again, because assholes in fandom spaces are acting up again and need to be put in their place:
FAN CONTENT CREATORS DON'T OWE YOU SHIT.
you don't deserve the content you get. you aren't entitled to anything. just because someone draws or writes or whatevers for a fandom, doesn't mean you have the right to harass them if you don't personally like their shit.
this is common fucking knowledge and somehow it continues to elude peoples' brains because they've got such a privileged fucking mindset. fan artists, writers, editors, etc. are still people. unless you're explicitly paying them for their work, they don't owe you anything. their free work is what they want to create and you have absolutely zero authority over it. (and you know what? a fan creator can still deny your commission request for example, if you're being insufferable towards them. you are not immune to consequences.)
do you know how fucking hard it is to create content? that shit is difficult as hell. why do i know? because i'm a fan artist, and while there are plenty of amazing people who support me, there are also plenty of dickwads who believe that making art is as easy as breathing. fucking no it's not, you goddamn fucking idiot, and any artist would be well-aware of how genuinely frustrating creating content is.
art, writing, video editing, etc. etc. etc. even fucking cosplaying because people love to shit on that, are all extremely challenging hobbies. in fact, all creative pursuits are harder than they look. like every other hobby or talent or even just pastime, it requires hard work, dedication, and passion to get good. and guess what? a fan artist, author, editor, cosplayer, or whatever other fandom-related thing under the sun, spends just as much time, perhaps even more on that craft as any creative outside of fandom spaces.
but fan content creators are seen as expendable for some fucking reason. maybe it's because everyone is so used to seeing fan content, that they can suddenly afford to be picky. whatever it is, creators get so little respect over their own work nowadays and it's fucking infuriating.
want some fucking examples? i'll give you some fucking examples.
artists have their fan art stolen every fucking day and reposted or used under some reposter's user, like they fucking made it. oftentimes the original artist isn't asked for permission or even credited, which is the bare fucking minimum.
when artists fight back about 1., they can very possibly be attacked for standing up for themselves. repliers can say shit like "the art wasn't that good anyway" "stop throwing a fit" and "nobody cares" when the artist wants as little as to be respected of their wishes. (hey, did you know that removing content on your page that you stole doesn't hurt you in the slightest, but an artist having their art stolen hurts them infinitely more?)
fanfiction authors are always at risk of some "i deserve everything" reader going into the comments and typing some bullshit like "i hated this fic", "why won't you update the next chapter i've been waiting for x amount of time" and just overall being an asshole about something you absolutely 100% are not entitled to. fuck off, that author isn't writing specifically tailored to your interests, bitchass.
cosplayers are constantly flamed for "not looking like the character" and thus their cosplay is ugly or they're a ~cringe~ cosplayer. holy fucking shit have you tried cosplaying before? do you know how difficult and expensive cosplays can get, as well as how challenging it can be to get a good photo? cosplayers don't work so fucking hard on their craft just to get shat on by losers who don't know the first thing behind costuming, let's get that fucking straight.
video editing is hard and time consuming. i know that from firsthand experience. stop clowning on people because they want to see their favorite characters move in fun ways. get a goddamn hobby.
fan creators are usually taken less seriously on the internet because their work involves characters that already exist. "they don't make original characters, they're not creative enough!!!" entitled fucktards jeer without realizing that it's hard as balls to get the internet to care about a creator's characters or story.
and hey! even if a content creator spent like five minutes max on their fan content of the day, even if a content creator just started and so their work is far from the quality they desire, or hell even if they're really only just making fan content as a way to wind down and as nothing serious, that still doesn't give you the right to be a dick! fan content creators don't need to pass some goddamn threshold like that shit is objective for you to respect what they do.
you don't have to like everything a creator makes or does. that's fine because nobody is expected to like everything. maybe an artist draws something you really like but then another day draws something you don't. but the difference between being decent and being a bitch is ~keeping that opinion to yourself~
fan creators don't want to listen to your petty complaints. they don't sit at their screens all day just begging someone to be a jerk to work that they've created with their own heart and soul. if you don't like it, then don't engage with it. it's really that easy.
we're not obligated to please you. we make free content and post it online because we want to. you really dislike something that much? then fucking hell, make the shit yourself. then you'll know just how hard it is to churn out content you're satisfied with at a frequent pace.
and if you still don't get it, somehow, and you still think you're allowed to be an asshole on the internet, entitled to content online despite doing jackshit to deserve it, then do everyone a favor: leave the fucking fandom you're in and never come back.
baratheonpilled
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prguitarman
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