Gen Eds and Ginger Ale

A collection of stories as I continue through college. Generally strange and unexpected circumstances.

[genedsandgingerale]

Mom: *looking at a picture online* “Woah! does he do that wall jumping?”

Me: “You mean parkour?”

[genedsandgingerale]

Opening lines from guys on OkCupid #5

Him: “Have any luck on here? If not, ever consider wanting a sugar daddy kind of thing$? :)”

[genedsandgingerale]

Opening lines from guys on OkCupid #4

Him: “Ever have a daddy fantasy?”

[genedsandgingerale]

Opening lines from guys on OkCupid #3

Him: “ur real hot, u got a snapchat”

[genedsandgingerale]

Opening lines from guys on OkCupid #2

Him: “Can I lick your vagina?”

[genedsandgingerale]

Opening lines from guys on OkCupid

From a man who says he’s 32 but looks like he’s 45. Neither are in my age range.

Him: “Hey beautiful, want to get together sometime? I would treat you like a princess.”

Me: *I don’t respond because I’m a bit weirded out”

A few days later...

Him: “I’m going to assume you’re not interested. May I ask why?”

Me: “I’m sure you’re a really great guy but you’re just not in the age range I’m looking for.”

Him: “But age is nothing but a number. I would treat you awesome!”

[genedsandgingerale]

Return on the Cat Pee Girl

After my winterium class ended I thought I was free of the Cat Pee girl forever. SURPRISE! She’s now in my wellness course... Now she’ll be sweating and smelling even more like cat pee.

[genedsandgingerale]

Sing Me a Tune... Just Not in Class

Today in the middle of a 3 1/2 hour lecture, while the professor was speaking, some girl in the back of the room just starts humming Camp Town Races. Nobody said anything. Not even the professor. Welcome to college!

[genedsandgingerale]

Another Me

Today while giving formal persuasive speeches, the Bouncing Leg Guy looks at the window while he’s talking about genetic modification and out of the blue says “Woah! I can totally see my reflection in the window!” and then continued on with his speech.

[genedsandgingerale]

Simple Instructions

Today we’re doing an exercise in class where a small group of people were paired up. One partner was given a shape on a piece of paper and had to give the other partner simple instructions on how to draw it. Mind you, SIMPLE. The rest of the class watched on. I was not chosen to be a partner even though it would have been interesting.

Everything was going great “Draw a line vertically. Draw a horizontal like in the middle of that, etc...” And then we go to the last group which consisted of a freshman and i non-traditional student who seems to be in his late fifties. Now you should know that this guy is someone who always wants to prove his knowledge in class. He’s always trying to pick the most complex topics to talk about and constantly tries to prove that he can outsmart our professor. He also happened to be the one directing the freshman.

“Draw a vertical line” he says. And she does. “Now around that, draw a trapezoid about 3/4ths bigger than the height of the line and a cross on top of that about twice the height of the trapezoid.” 

I hear a group of girls behind me whisper “I would not want to be in that group...”

[genedsandgingerale]

Summer in Antarctica

Today the Bouncing Leg Guy and his sidekick have chosen to sit next to me again, however, this time there is a char separating us. This i can handle. I notice the Bouncing Leg Guy is wearing sandals to class. This would be completely normal if it weren’t -16 F outside.

[genedsandgingerale]

Grotesque Green Goo definitely not Ginger Ale

Today I’ve decided to sit elsewhere in the lecture hall in hopes of getting away from Hairball Girl and the Bouncing Leg Guy. I’min a row with two other people this time. One guy is 5 chairs away and there is a girl on my other side with two chairs between us. Seems safe enough.Hairball girl found a seat far away today, and the bouncing leg guy and his sidekick sat behind me.

All of a sudden the air around me starts to smell strongly of cat pee. I look around. I’m slowly being suffocated. The girl two seats down is drinking a dark green goo out of a mason jar. Mind you, we aren’t supposed to be eating or drinking in this lecture hall. Holy crap, the smell is burning my nose! She puts the jar away but the smell lingers. For the whole 3 1/2 hour lecture. Whatever, I put up with it. Except now, this Green Goo Girl is searching through her bag. She pulls out an “all over” balm and puts it on her lips and then caps it back up. A few seconds later she pulls it back out again and rubs it all over her hands and then caps it back up again. But wait, she opens it AGAIN and starts rubbing it all over her face! In my head I’m just thinking “Girl! Do your beauty routine at home!”

Out of nowhere I hear this wet gurgling cough from behind me. Its the Bouncing Leg Guy. I decide to be polite and ask if he’s okay. He is. Then his sidekick looks at him and goes “Woah, I thought for sure that was puke!”

[genedsandgingerale]

“Have you ever heard of Phantom of the Opera?”

So I’m sitting in lecture today and the I’m-going-to-check-my-pulse-and-be-distracting girl sprints into class 5 minutes late like she does everyday and this must be my lucky day because she chooses to sit right next to me. Everything was fine until she starts coughing and sniffling so violently that she sounded like a cat with a hairball caught in its throat.

 “You can do this” I thought to myself, when all of a sudden my chair starts shaking. The guy next to me is bouncing his leg so hard that it’s making mine rock back and forth. Holy hell I’m going to be sick.

I begin to doodle to take my mind off of it all. I then hear “Wow, those are really good! What’s your major?” What? Who the hell is talking to me, full voice WHILE the professor is lecturing? Of course, it’s the hairball girl. 

“Uh, Musical Theatre.” I whisper. 

“Wow! Musical Theatre?!” She exclaims like I’m some kind of exotic animal, “What’s your favorite musical?”

“Cabaret”

“Oh, well, I’ve never heard of that but mine is Phantom of the Opera! It’s great! Have you ever heard of it?”

...3 1/2 hours between these people...

[genedsandgingerale]

Stop Being Obnoxious

So I’m sitting in lecture today and this girl comes sprinting in to class like 5 minutes late. For the next 45 minutes of class she tries to make a big deal out of checking her pulse and looking around to see if people are paying attention to her. When she finally realizes no one cares, she makes a huffing sound and stops.