The Gilded Heart

Independent RP blog for Edward Elric. Brotherhood based. Multi-Verse Mun is 21+

[tricksterkisses-deactivated2022]

tl;dr  I’m very very sick right now, I’m losing fist sized masses of tumor + flesh, I’m in a lot of pain, very nauseous, very anemic, and otherwise not feeling great, if you’d like to help get dinner into me tonight, consider buying one of these adopts, or donating to me via paypal at [email protected], if you’d like to remain anonymous, you can use ko-fi

The post below contains links to graphic images, but no images itself. As well as discussions of menstruation and illness etc.

Hello! I’m Bel, if you’re following me you already know that, if you weren’t, now you do. I’ve been pretty out of it the last few days due to a very taxing medical event.

I have M.E.N.1, it causes severe tumors, one of the most common places for it to cause growths is in your uterus. I’ve also had issues with my period for ages, so semi recently I went and got a birth control implant to help me deal with it. Everything was going well, yay!

However, one of the things the implant did was force my uterus to expel, well, basically everything it hadn’t been, up to and including masses of tumors that had grown in, under, around, and over any lining that hadn’t shed. I didn’t realize this would happen, and I was wholly unprepared for it.

The other day I was having very very bad cramps, I took a sleep aid, and went to bed as usual thinking they’d pass the next morning, the next morning they were however, worse. I’m not kidding when I say it’s the worst pain I’ve ever been in my entire life. And I’ve broken my ankle, had spinal headaches, undergone multiple surgeries and then due to medication sensitivity not used my pain meds after, I’ve had a massive infection in my jaw. None of that compared to how bad this was.

Dragged myself into the bathtub to cry for a while, and to let my cramps run their course, luckily the pain did eventually drop down to a much more manageable level! But only after I’d passed a mass of flesh almost larger than my own hand:

GRAPHIC link GRAPHIC 2 link

{Graphic as in gore, I’m not in the images so in regards to that you won’t see anything NSFW}

The pain did eventually flare up again although not to the same extent as that first time. It has come close however. Especially any time I wake up after resting, try and move too much {Even showering is painful}, or if any sort of pressure is applied. I also have an on and off fever, and nausea, as well as heavy bleeding which gets heavier with movement. If it doesn’t start ebbing down soon, I’ll see someone about it, but since I’m poor, I would really like to see if this will clear on its own. Like I said, right now it’s manageable, and I do have a caretaker in the form of my girlfriend. 

I’m not asking for help raising thousands of dollars for medical bills, I’m just asking for help getting money for the next night or two or even three if possible so that I and my partner can concentrate on my actual illness rather than what we’re going to eat or how we’re going to get it made. 

Please spread this around if you have time, if you can spare some money, thank you so much, if not, thank you anyway for your time. 

[generosus]

{{This is my main: and why I’ve been away. Will be back soon! I hope}}

[quotequoth]

Don’t cry for the past now, brother mine. Neither you nor I are free from blame. Nothing can erase the things we did,                                                        For the path we took was the same.

[quotequoth]

                                                              Everyone knows Pain.              『We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely』  

[quotequoth]

It’s not fair to be alone After what you’ve been through So let me just ease your pain              Please let me stay with you! I’ll continue to reach     ｏｕｔ I won’t abandon you I will give you my 𝕄𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕪 Because it’s clear to me, 𝐹𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 won’t solve anything.

             Forgiveness isn’t easy

                                                      I will stay here by your side,                                                            I know it’s frightening                                                    To think that you might now ｌｅａｖｅ                                                       But that is just the reason why-

                 I’ll stay in your life always                          And hold you tight and close                                         We will be together here–

                                                     There’s no way that I’ll go.

[writingitdown]

i can’t shake the feeling that i’ll always either be too much or not enough. too much to handle, but never enough to satisfy. 

[generosus]

prodigyoflame:

               He chews the inside of his cheek, now realizing how not good it was to have those kinds of reactions to Edward. Especially not when the young man didn’t know the effect he had, being in Roy’s personal space. He’d known him since he was eleven. Eleven. Roy briefly closes his eyes in the quick moment Edward was moving. He needs longer than that moment, but he can’t have it. Instead he is perfectly calm, a small smile on his face.

              “Very well.” There is a moment where he just looks back. He has to wonder what Edward is looking for in his face. He carefully shifts the garbage he’d gathered into one hand and stood up. He bent over slightly to grab his briefcase with the other hand before straightening up.

              “I would be interested to see how you manage that,” he chuckles. Roy lifts an arm to smother a yawn into the crook of his elbow and turns towards a nearby garbage can to get rid of the garbage. He tosses it before turning back onto their path to head towards his home.

              “I do sleep,” he dryly comments, a few feet down their path. “Between the two of us, I suspect that you have no room to comment on my sleep habits.”

     He shrugs, an idle motion, watching as Roy moves to throw their garbage away before he speaks. 

“You might be surprised, I can be very convincing” he grins, wide enough to show a flash of ivory white teeth between the curve of his lips, but not quite wide enough to be called truly teasing.  “Or at the very least, I’m not afraid to be physically convincing” 

Part of him flinches, at least mentally, inwardly, at being called out on his sleeping habits, but he does his best not to let it show on his face, instead, he just puts on a sort of sheepish expression, and hums before answering properly; “Books to read, alchemical arrays to experiment with. ‘sides, I have energy to waste” sort of, still, too many late nights. Too many bad dreams. Too many streetfights picked with drunks tall enough to tower over him just for the excuse to burn off energy. Too many bad decisions.

Everyone had their demons, he supposes, some more than others yes, but everyone. “Besides, what is that phrase? Do as I say, not as I do?”

[avariciousprince]

A Worried Talk | generosus

@generosus

Ed had been at work all day, and while Ling had been doing most of the fronting, he was still shaken up after the events of the other day. Greed had promised Ling that he’d take over until Ed got home, and then…

Yeah. This is the last thing Greed wants to look forward to, baring his soul and vulnerabilities for Ling and Ed both to see. But he’d promised. And that promise was a few days overdue. So Greed is pacing around the apartment while waiting for Ed to get home, trying to figure out the right words to say that might make them understand.

Greed wants them to understand where he’s coming from, more than anything else. They’ve expressed worry, concern over him. Sure, maybe his particular coping mechanisms aren’t the healthiest ones out there, but they’re not something that leaves permanent damage. And besides, Ling never even knew because Greed actively avoided doing anything self-harming to their shared body. The other night was a fluke.

“It’s like… it’s just easier to deal with if I can see and feel it physically, you know?” Greed mutters under his breath, trying to figure out if that’s something he can use. Maybe. But he stops dead in his tracks when he hears the key in the door lock. Ed’s home? Already? Fuck, Ling has barely even been asleep for a half hour.

Maybe Greed can stall for a little more time. Use Ling as an excuse… Ling might be upset with him for stalling, but… dammit, Greed just wants to make sure he says the right things this time. Is that so wrong of him?

[generosus]

     He’s tired, but not exhausted, and he’s brought food. Takeout from one of the nearby bars, plenty to go around. He yawns widely as he makes his way into the house to set the bags on the counter, kicking his boots off to the side as he does so. What he does not do, is react to Greed just yet.

Instead, he shrugs his coat off and tosses it over the back of the couch, stretches his arms above his head, pops his back, he takes his time to let Greed think -- He’d heard the mumbling from outside, though he hadn’t been able to make out the words.

And then, at last, when he can procrastinate no more, he leans upon the back of the nearby couch.

“Brought home dinner” obviously. “Didn’t really wanna go out again once I got home and I haven’t gotten groceries, so this was second best.” he shrugs then, pauses.

“Something on your mind?” a chance for Greed to take it at his own pace, but not to escape the question.

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[avariciousprince]

generosus:

Keep reading

Keep reading

[generosus]

He won’t admit it, but he’s grateful for the help, automail is revolutionary, it makes his life so much easier. But it doesn’t mean he isn’t disabled: He’s not ashamed of it. But he’s come to accept that it does mean occasionally help is okay. 

Not something to think of in depth however, he lets Greed help in being rid of annoying clothing, sitting up on his knees to pull his boxers down his hips, moving to slide them down his legs, careful not to catch fabric in automail, he’s very practiced. 

And then, he leans over once more, upwards so he can press a kiss to Greed’s mouth, his jaw, throat, chest, down over his abdomen to the Sin’s hips, he leaves a love bite on the ridge of one which fades faster than he likes but was there at least for a moment to be proud of. When he sits up, his cheeks are flushed, not flustered, just eager.

He has every intention to fulfill Greed’s wish, the words make him shiver just slightly, this time when he leans forward to ease their hips together, it’s flesh against flesh, his real hand sliding between them so he can use the firm touch of fingers and palm to press their cocks flush together--the contact is warm and he can’t help the slight, audible inhale he gives even before he rocks his hips, slowly, to start with, eyes idly examining his partner’s face, memorizing his expressions.

[generosus]

prodigyoflame:

               The only thing he would ever collect on when it came to Edward owing him something was 520 cens, exact. And he would collect when he became Fuhrer and not a moment sooner. Everything else Roy had done for Edward and Alphonse had been debt-free as far as he was concerned. Edward was already being a massive help being in his office.

              Roy starts to yawn and lifts a hand to cover it before slowly lowering his hand, blinking once. Edward was suddenly in his face and nearly invading his personal space. He nearly forgets to breathe for a moment and he’s caught by liquid gold eyes. He’s never been under such intense scrutiny from the young man before and his mind is momentarily blank, forgetting how to form thought as he’s caught in that gaze.

              The moment crawls by and Roy realizes Edward is in his personal space. Almost far too close for comfort - and yet his normal warning bells aren’t going off. Roy didn’t care for people in his personal space whatsoever and he cared for being touched even less. But they had been in each other’s faces so often that perhaps it’s… okay.

              But his heart certainly shouldn’t be sounding his ears. Stop, he orders his heart. Roy works hard to control his breathing and maintain a neutral expression. There is no reason he should be reacting as he is. Except that he is and it’s something he will have to examine later. Edward is much younger, and while attractive, he is not allowed to react.

              “You’ve known me for… how long?” Roy manages a quiet laugh as he’s finally released from Edward’s gaze. He gives a boyish grin at hearing Edward try to defend himself from his accusation before smothering it in a small smile instead. There was no way that Edward wouldn’t have books and research scattered about his place.

              “I suppose I better take a day off then, or risk my precious sleep… Shall we go?”

     “Long enough” it’s the simplest, easiest answer, “Longer than I care to know most people” he liked people, but they could be...Aggravating, they didn’t always understand, or they wanted to do things from the goodness of their own heart, but those things weren’t helpful. Mustang had always been helpful, not always nice. But always helpful.

Either way, he hops up from his sitting position, turning on his heels to face Roy. “Sounds like a plan, I’m exhausted anyway.” he stuffs his hands gracelessly into his pockets, cocking his head like a curious bird as if trying to read something in Mustang’s expression, but he seems to find nothing. Roy is good at keeping cool, and Edward is bad at reading the atmosphere of a situation.

“Maybe instead of playing Go on our off time I should just come make you nap” he teases, lighthearted, despite his own exhaustion, he’s having a good night. 

“Lead the way.” more out of politeness than necessity.

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[avariciousprince]

generosus:

Keep reading

Keep reading

[generosus]

     He’ll find a way, or make one, eventually. Edward is a stubborn man, when he wants something, truly wants something, well... Even God couldn’t stand in his way.

“I’ll figure something out...” and he means it.

The sound Greed makes rings in his ears, he finds he quite likes the sound, finds a pace to keep their hips moving while he considers Greed’s words. A mark where only Ling will see it, he doesn’t understand, but he wants to.

Greed’s words make him groan, dammit, Edward was never good at patience, but he has a rather good distraction at the moment he plans to take full advantage of, but not with Greed’s pants still on.

He slides back slightly, enough that he isn’t pinning the Sin’s clothing on, and works fervently to undress him, moreso with his real hand than his automail one, it just doesn’t have the same finesse, and when dealing with clothing and skin, finesse was necessary.

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[generosus]

avariciousprince:

It’s strange, feeling someone marking him. Claiming him. Ed is greedy, he can tell that now–Ed wants Greed, wants him as a friend monsters don’t have friends and a treasured presence in his life a little more doable, a little less painful for him. He wants and wants and feels like he doesn’t deserve any of it.

Ed deserves the whole world.

That’s the difference between them.

     Greed heals too quickly, some deep petty part of Edward’s soul clicks over and for a moment trickles in the thought: Could always find a pen. But that’s for another time, maybe. Either way, he has permission to not be so soft and he takes it, lets teeth dig into skin until tiny pin pricks of blood raise to the surface, coppery in his mouth.

It’s interrupted only by his own gasps, little moans and arches against Greed’s claws. It stings, but in a way he likes. Sends his blood thrilling. He has a high pain tolerance, so it hardly bothers him, he does note that he himself is not bleeding: That must take some effort, Greed could tear him apart if he wanted, to shreds. But he won’t, and Ed knows it, and that makes his heart flutter.

“Works for me.” he replies to Greed’s words, voice warm, “Saves me the trouble of hunting down lube.” he has some, somewhere...He was using it in an experiment, and then, it was gone? Whatever, it’s somewhere, he doesn’t need it, the end.

Instead, he rocks his hips against Greed’s, boxers hanging slightly loose off his hips with the motion, it’s a little tentative, he’s still learning admittedly, the second time he does it, it’s with more conviction, the friction is nice, pressure. He lets his hands rest on Greed’s chest for the sake of balance.

“G’nna find a way to mark you eventually” he grumbles then, because it’s still on the back of his mind.

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[generosus]

avariciousprince:

    There’s greed in Ed’s kiss, in his movements, in pulling Greed closer. And then the words, quiet but earnest. Demanding. Ed wants Greed, is greedy for him. It’s something he can feel on a visceral level, wants to give himself into it. He wants to be Ed’s, and isn’t that a strange concept to him?

“Mmm. Sounds good to me,” he says in return. Greed lets Ed draw him in, rolling the both of them over so Ed is on top while Greed is on his back. If Ed wants to take care of him, he’s not going to object. He usually does the work, wants to make his partners scream his name, but tonight he’s tired. Letting someone else do the work, letting them pamper and care for him, after the emotional vulnerability he showed… that sounds nice.

His fingernails are longer now, but not diamond-tipped claws. Just normal keratin scraping along Ed’s scalp as Greed pulls Ed’s head back to bare his throat. Sharp teeth, delicate and careful, bite at Ed’s neck.

This is nice.

     His breath catches, but he catches his balance quickly, seated atop Greed’s hips, straddling gently so as not to upset his bad hip. The pain of which is easy enough to ignore now anyway. When he feels teeth at his throat, his head shifts, chin tilting up to expose more vulnerable flesh. Permission: more.

Edward practically purrs at the fingers in his hair, reaching back to untie his hair and discard the tie itself off into the dim of his room. His braid comes undone easily, hair like strands of silk, smooth, shiny. It cascades around his neck, over his shoulders but only just.

His hands slide down Greed’s clothed chest to the hem of his shirt, and then, carefully, they slip beneath the cloth and come up again, exposing flesh to the cool air of the room. 

He cannot resist the urge to lean down, to press kisses over warm skin, over the taut muscle of Greed’s abdomen and up his chest. When he gets high enough, he leans up once more to press kisses to Greed’s lips, his jaw. And then, his throat, not quite vicious, but harder than his kisses had been, teeth against skin.

He does not draw blood, but he leaves hickeys and bruises, mine. A reminder to Greed that someone is waiting for him to come back, someone cared enough to lay claim to him rather than the other way around.

[generosus]

prodigyoflame:

               Roy has to smother a laugh at Edward calling someone fucking weird considering everything. He was also mildly amused that Edward thought that he would meet with Ling in person. The man was an emperor now - they corresponded and were passive aggressive over the phone line that he finally had connected. Well, Roy was passive aggressive and mildly threatening. Ling avoided answering his questions as best he could before very, very occasionally mouthing off.

              The brigadier had gone to Grumman and threatened to quit - more than once - over dealing with Ling. Grumman was Fuhrer! And he was having Roy do the negotiating… which likely said a lot to anyone looking at the possible line of succession. It was amazing, really, that Roy didn’t have assassination attempts more often. In any case, the negotations were going to continue to take forever and whoever was Fuhrer then would likely have to meet somewhere to sign it. 

              Something he could worry about later.

              “Softer,” he repeats quietly. He’d never considered it like that. That was a good way to consider it. The following Monday he would approach Miles and not-Scar again with that idea. Between the three of them they would figure something out and Roy would secure the funding and land.

              An eyebrow briefly lifts at Edward’s wide-eyed look before he looks away to continue steadily eating the monstrosity that is his wrap. Roy had encouraged Edward to be angry and riled up. From what he had seen, anger focused the young alchemist better than sympathy would have. And he hadn’t minded Edward being angry at him, doing things just to spite him.

              He chooses to steadily finish off his own food rather than point out that he’d purposefully angered the blond.

              Roy carefully crumples the foil into a ball without spilling any of the lingering sauce and takes Edward’s garbage into his charge as well. A wry smile takes over his face. “You are aware I’m half-Xingese, right? I grew up next to a Xingese old lady who wouldn’t let me leave home without knowing things like Go… It’s been a long time since I’ve played though.”

              He feels something awkward in his chest and he clears his throat before commenting, “My place is likely larger and has a flat surface not covered in books. You’re welcome to come over whenever to re-teach me.”

     Politics are not for Edward, were it him, he’d have tried to pass a motion to storm into Ling’s throne room to beat the shit out of the guy for not cooperating but that was liable to start a war or five. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the intricacies of politics. 

Edward had hardly needed to be riled up to be angry, but Roy was likely right, when he wasn’t mad, he was tired, not a good way to stay driven. He owes more than he knows to Mustang, more than he’ll admit, and he’s willing to admit a surprising amount. For now however, he is not angry, and he is not exhausted, he is in a pleasant between please, looking at Roy again. He doesn’t mind his garbage being taken, not when he’s distracted and he paid, for now however, he’s inspecting Roy. Properly inspecting. His legs uncross, and he sits up with one knee on the bench to give himself height enough to be nearly eye to eye with the general, not quite, but almost, his eyes have the same bright curiosity to them that they do when he has found an interesting book or a new alchemical array. 

“Half Xingese” it’s murmured. That look, it’s intense, burning like molten gold. 

Yeah, yeah, he can see that; Roy’s face has that unique softness he associates with Ling, Lan-Fan, and May. Not feminine, but soft, here and there, in the cheeks, the line of his jaw. He has the right moonless-night hair, the sharp, attentive eyes. He recognizes the colour of those too.

Spilled ink.

He nods, once, slightly, draws himself back--though only enough to not be up in Roy’s face anymore.

“I probably could have guessed.” he sticks his tongue out at Roy for a moment then, immature. “There are places in my apartment with books not stacked on them! Like. For instance. As an example...Anyway, in closing, I have...Nevermind, whatever” he tacks on a grumbled “Bastard” for effect but it’s hardly genuine.

“Then you can expect me on your next day off.” he pauses, “Or, if you don’t take a day off, I’ll just come harass you at odd hours of the night.”

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[generosus]

avariciousprince:

It’s not about Ed being attractive, Greed wants to claim what’s his. He wants to mark Ed up, show the whole world that Ed belongs to Greed. It might not be in the way Greed wants–totally, wholly, with Ed’s complete permission and submission to being his and Ed claiming Greed the same way in turn–but it’s close. Ed’s admitted to seeing Greed as a friend. That has to mean something, right?

The kiss takes him by surprise, but he allows it. Lets it linger as Greed runs his fingers through Ed’s hair. He smells like smoke and sweat, but it’s not horrible, secondary to the taste of Ed on his lips. So long as they’re still kissing, that’s all that matters.

Greed’s kiss doesn’t stay gentle or adoring for long–like everything he is, it turns needy, nay, greedy, within only a few moments. He wants all that Ed is willing to give him.

     He does not mind the change, a little rough, Edward has never been against anything like that, it gives him a chance to push back, to nip at his partner’s lower lip almost combatively, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to sting, just a little.

They can both be greedy, Ed wants to remind himself that Greed exists, here, and now, he isn’t going to disappear, they’re both safe. So this time, when he pulls, he pulls hard.

It’s his turn to claim what he wants, to pay attention, need need need.  Wants to show Greed that he-- That he-- He--

That he what? He isn’t sure, dammit, what is all of this? He doesn’t want to analyze it right now, right now, he just wants the other’s taste in his mouth.

“Lemme take care of you” soft, coaxing, moving back upon the bed and trying to draw Greed with him. And then firmer. Almost demanding.

[generosus]

prodigyoflame:

              Roy is delighted to hear Edward enjoys the food they had purchased. Anna certainly knew how to roast meat - though she would never answer his questions as to what she used beyond the kinds of meats. He’s a little surprised with how pleased he is that the young man enjoys the food. It was one of Roy’s favourite places. And he realizes for a flicker of a moment it’s no different than showing someone he likes his favourite treasures.

              He doubts that Edward understands how much of a private person he really is, and how few people find out his favourite things.

              For a very long time Roy had viewed his subordinates as just that: subordinates. They were not family, they were hand chosen for their loyalty and skills to ensure that he continued to climb the ranks. While he would do anything in his power to help them if they needed it - and while he considered them friends - he could never open himself up to any of them. He had to be a solid figure for them to rally behind, a leader who would not falter.

              He has to chuckle at hearing the blond does little outside of work except what he had suspected. There was a brief moment when Roy gives him a brilliant, genuine smile before it’s smothered by taking bites from his wrap. The Flame Alchemist waits patiently, listens and takes a few neat bites of his food. Edward’s rambling was kind of endearing. Especially considering they said a few words to each other in the office and nothing else when they were very busy.

              If Edward knew how many innocent people Roy had killed, he wondered if he would lose that careful friendship. His friend had been killed by his best friend’s hands to save Roy. That was something he would carry with him, always.

              “I don’t expect us to have any exciting plans,” he finally manages. “I have very little free time between getting the Ishvalan embassy set up and Emperor Ling to cooperate… I have also been discussing an Ishvalan culture center or museum with Miles and the-man-who-used-to-be-known-as-Scar.” He was tired, but eventually things would pay off.

               “You needed that anger. It helped you survive.”

     Edward is not sure he would define himself as private. But it might be a proper description, he keeps his cards close to his chest, and does not like to show weakness. But he’d never had many people to open up to in the first place, and his past plans had been so delicate, the more people that knew them, the more dangerous they became.

Roy’s grin takes him off guard, it’s a good look on the guy, wouldn’t mind seeing that more. But he does not say so, he just takes a few moments while Roy is talking to eat. Hoo boy. Ling. “I can help you with Ling.” he offers, “He’s a good guy just, fuckin’ weird. You’d do best offering to discuss politics over a meal, otherwise he’ll just be flighty as shit. Don’t pay out of your own pocket.” he snorts slightly, rolling his eyes. “A cultural center might be best. It feels...Softer, than a museum, yanno? Less stuffy and shit, appeals to regular people more. And besides, so many Ishvalans were displaced, we owe them a way to connect with their culture again.”

Roy’s final sentence catches him off guard, so much so that he shoots a look up at him like a deer in the headlights. Brief, before it’s under control again. “Yes. And no.” he shrugs. “Some of it was helpful, yeah, some of it was just fuckin’, misplaced. Or whatever. Iunno, Al was almost never mad, so I was pissed for the both of us.” he shoves the last few bites of his food in his mouth, he always eats too fast. Then, he cleans his hands on the loose cloth of his pants, it’s obvious he doesn’t care about ruining the uniform.

Once that’s done, and he has swallowed down the food in his mouth, he crosses his arms over his chest; “I was, gonna say, yanno, that I could help with those things, but those are still work related.” he crosses one leg over the other, hums a thoughtful little hum. “And the last thing you need is to mix work in with your play, run yourself into the damn ground.” his brow furrows, expression intense. And then, a moment later, it relaxes, gaze returning to Mustang.

“We could--” brow furrows again, “--No, no, hmm” what do friends do? “Have you ever played Go?” his expression relaxes again, “It’s a Xingese strategy game. Ling taught me before he fucked off back home, and I learned the rest via reading. Could teach you how to play sometime, so long as you don’t mind spending time in my shitty apartment.” another shrug. “Who knows, maybe you can impress the big shot now emperor by playing with him. It’s a win win”

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[generosus]

avariciousprince:

    Of course he’s said the wrong thing, now he’s upset Ed. Ed, who should have gotten home to relax, not worry himself sick over Greed’s thoughtless words. Ed, who gives his all to help people, to be a good person himself. Who is a good person, so much more than Greed will ever be–and for a moment he wonders if that’s what jealousy feels like–before just feeling hollow and empty.

Maybe he can’t be the kind of friend Ed deserves, but he’s being asked a very simple thing, something Greed knows he can do. If nothing else, maybe that’s a place to start. A place to work on things so he can maybe convince himself he deserves Ed’s friendship.

“I promise. If you don’t see me, I won’t be far. I’ll be back.” He can promise that much.

Carefully, Greed gets off the stack of books, looks at Ed’s hand, and takes it in his own. He knows he shouldn’t, that he’s running away from the issue, but he feels like maybe Ed needs the reassurance that Greed is still here, will still be here and has no intention of physically running away, and pulls Ed into the bedroom. Gentle, soft. Plenty of time for Ed to say no, or to insist that they just sleep rather than have sex again.

He won’t push if it’s not something Ed wants.

     It’s not perfect, but it’s honest, and he can accept that, he can trust that. So he relaxes, just a little, enough to be led like a lost lamb to the bedroom. He has to take a moment to take stock of himself, decide whether this is a situation he should be in: He’s done things with Greed before now, he trusts Greed, he isn’t feeling well but he is clear headed and capable of making reasonable decisions. He wants this. Okay.

He’s surprised Greed is interested, he smells like smoke, pale still with earlier worry, hair more than a little frazzled, skin marred here and there with annoying, but not bad, burns, he can’t look all that attractive.

When he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, he gives Greed’s hand a tug, then reaches up to gently catch his shirt to do the same, easing him down gently so he can reach him for a kiss, if allowed.

Nothing deep, all gentle. Adoring.

[generosus]

Tell me who I am again ;; {&AvariciousPrince}

[generosus]

avariciousprince:

    Why would he hurt himself? Because he deserves it, because it’s pain he knows how to deal with while the ache in his chest isn’t. Because it’s a comfortable and familiar coping mechanism he’s had for a long time. But to answer, he just shrugs. “Beats killing myself for kicks like I used to,” he tries to keep the tone light, casual. But he knows as soon as the words leave his mouth that he’s said the wrong thing again.

The declaration of friendship, though… Greed can forgive everything but that. He can mostly handle everything else Ed has said up until now, no matter how much he doesn’t like it. But hearing that Ed considers him a friend… that pushes Greed over the edge. He doesn’t know how to respond, what to say, what to even think.

Monsters don’t have friends.

“…”

     His head spins. What what what? His stomach flips over again, he doesn’t like to picture Greed dead, or Ling dead, he doesn’t like to picture friends dead, it does another flip, don’t throw up. He doesn’t know what to say, he just sits there like a moron, he wants to do something, anything, he just doesn’t know what.

He doesn’t know how to help with this, so he just reaches up and tries to find Greed’s hand so he can take it half for the sin’s comfort and half for his own, inching closer to the book stack in a torn decision, leave Greed alone for now, or attach himself to the older being as if his life depends upon it?

Inhale, exhale shakily. “Don’t leave.” his voice is a murmur, nothing more. “Promise you won’t disappear. Tomorrow. Promise you’ll be here.”

He doesn’t want Greed to up and disappear in the night, or get himself really hurt, or, or, or.

He just can’t stand to lose people. Greedy.