Parents, do you know what apps or social media sites your children use? If the answer is yes, how much time are you able to devote to monitoring their accounts? If you're like most parents you probably try your best but if your kids are like most kids they still find time to use to the sites during times when a parent is unable to supervise. This doesn't make you a less than stellar parent. Kids are programmed biologically to start pulling away from parents as early as 10 years of age. As the physical changes that come with puberty start to manifest so do many unseen changes such as shifts in loyalty from parents to peer groups, a greater awareness of social status and often a fear of being seen as “different”. Your tween/teen may confide more in their peers than they do with their parents. In an attempt to achieve an identity apart from the parents kids may start dressing or acting differently. They may start using teen lingo, which may seem, with good reason, like words only they and their peers will understand. At this time teens may start to use technology to further develop their new, independent identity. With the increased use of technology comes increase use of popular social media sites. Think of these as virtual clubs, a place to gather with their friends in an often unsupervised environment. Even if you monitor your children's usage, not all parents can or will do likewise which then leaves your child open to bullying.
Social media sites are one of the leading places that children experience bullying. Apps like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Ask.fm are some of the apps children can experience bullying or in some cases use as a tool to bully. Depending on how old your children are will depend on what app they are statistically more likely to use. Ask.fm is popular with the under 19 crowd with a minimum age requirement of 13 years old. Ask.fm allows users to ask questions to their friends using anonymity or not. They can follow friends to see all the questions that a particular friend has answered. Users can instantly add a photo or animated GIF to any of their answers. There is also a feature of photo polling. When looking at the features of these apps try to recognize features that are more likely to lead to bullying. Anonymity makes it easier to ask ALL questions including potentially offensive ones. While the app has some criteria for removing or preventing offensive content it still has a potential to create an environment that fosters bullying. You can block an offensive user however, that person will still be able to follow the user and still be able to see answers to questions that are published. Instagram and snap chat are popular with the mid teen to young adult crowds. They both can be a fun way to share multiple photos and or videos and both have a disappearing feature. This means that content that is published will “disappear” after a certain amount of time. This can definitely be a vulnerability. We all know that children especially tweens and teens are notoriously prone to impulsiveness. Many do not understand that all published media leaves a cyber footprint somewhere. Its the old out of sight out of mind thought process. Read the fine print of what you are agreeing to when a child downloads an app. Many of these sites actually do not permanently delete the pictures and will legally own your childs photos with the permission that the parent has given them via the fine print. Some users may feel more bold about making a harassing or off-colored comment or posting a questionable picture or video if they feel there will be no “evidence” of it later on. Probably most familiar to children and parents alike is facebook, where users of all ages share the stories of their lives. Facebook allows users to post videos, photos and updates on their “wall”. This in turn solicits responses from a users followers. The potential for bullying here lies in the sheer volume of users. Most of us, parents and children alike, cn think of a time when a facebook post created a hostile environment for a user or even for a commenter. Users can block offensive users but its impossible to monitor all the ways a bully can find a loophole or crack in the armor. For instance it is estimated that facebook has 83 million fake profiles, so it is impossible to verify whom you are talking to.
The take away from this article is for us as parents to start looking at the content our children post on social media, as well as familiarize ourselves with the apps that they are using. We need to look at the content our children share with an objective eye rather than a subjective one. For example lets say your daughter posts a picture of her holding the family cat. Cute right? Not so fast! Make sure you're scanning the picture objectively. Has her shirt slipped off the shoulder and her bra strap may be showing? Is there anything potentially embarrassing or compromising in the background? Remember kids notice everything and can be quite mean if they feel something is outside of the “norm”. Aim to think like a bully! Get acclimated with the newest teen phrases and shorthands. It is forever changing and gets increasingly hard to decipher. As parents begin to “catch on” the children change the terms to try to stay one step ahead. Get on the internet and do your research. Learn the terms and their meaning. Lastly, keep the lines of communication open with your kids. Talk to them every day about their lives, stay on top of their social media usage, know what apps they use and what content they are sharing with these apps. Being a parent in this day and age of technology poses many new challenges and unchartered territory, don’t be afraid to set limits with your children. You have the right to keep your children safe, no matter what.
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