they didn't deliberately tell me to get an outlet.. @getanoutlet-theysaid - Tumblr Blog

seeing grief

clouds so bright from the suns reflection, yet it only took 2 seconds for shadows to conceal it.

blanketing your light in an instant.

i wish I knew what you need me to be,

life and its seasons are supposed to be this beautiful thing...

the formula it takes to make a rainbow appear, doesn't matter if you’re over there,

I wish you could see it over here.

whenever, and however you need me,

send the message when you're feeling ready.

swimming miseries healing

uncharted waters, though I've treaded in similar.

it’s been cold and dark before,

but I've been able to swim to shore and lay on the hot rocks,

walk to the car,

and leave.

this time the waves seem stronger, everytime I think I've made it,

I get tossed back in the water.

its freezing and black, as if it’s never been this harsh before.

I keep forgetting how to use my arms and my legs

alive and breathing yet immobile and drowing

my tears result in waters rising...

finally, I find the break between the waves, and breathe.

make my way to shore again,

walking, seemingly steadily, until I see beach glass.

I pretend not to notice, because it’s like everything is just trying to remind me

-I cut my foot on it,

and it bleeds.

almost instantaneously walking myself back into the water,

because what a metaphor may be for pain, can also be healing.

doors close, doors open

I missed walking alone. having the bath to myself and wearing slutty clothes.

but I also miss sharing my blankets and falling asleep to the sound of a beings breath that's not my own.

on hard days I think of good times, and easy days I find myself stuck on the sad ones.

its a balance of remembering my worth- and embracing the cold and heavy chainlink chapters now in my life book.

love and beyond...

a choose your own ending outlook;

I try to help myself by considering the constant change that comes with life- as a positive, and reminding myself that the addition of chapters create possibilities and enables the reforming of my moulds.

hmmm?

what if there were no critical needs or hierarchy of value; what if money wasn't a thing, what would you do?

hello, its nice to see you. do you think you are happy?

hi, nice to see you too. and I think so? I mean, I feel as if there's some self talk like once I do this, or have that then I will feel better? but im realizing that I need to be here now and appreciate what is? and I think that's good. but I have felt both highs and lows lately in all realms. how about you?

I am content. I know how you are feeling, we all want to be metaphorically ‘full’, its not wrong to want, but you're right, always wanting takes away from being thankful. it’s good to awknolodge this contradictory truth.

how do I be more present?

I have no answer for you. but I think asking yourself that question more will help you improve.

thank you, you always know how to phrase truth.

that's nice you think I do, but I am just saying what you said to me differently back to you.

have a nice day friend.

yes you too, talk soon.

alone or beside

I know what its like to have a person, and to not.

both are, in a sense, tortures hoops.

I *think* I know what I am suppose to learn in this life, and work through- but I find it so difficult to move on once being without a you.

happy yet dilute.

peace and yearning in a loop.

one day im settled and the next im a fool.

and I remember different parts of different senerios, contradicting the two

alone and beside

myself or another,

I often have to choose.

like a blade of grass

how ya feeling?

I'm good you?

no really

well im lying if I say that I don't want you too, and that's the truth.

no response for a few, till I was sure that it was over and I got back into my groove.

so what you saying?

and it took me for a loop, thinkin bout going out hbu?

I've been working all week so I think ill play it cool.

my hearts being really fast but my girls wanna move,

2 hours later text again, what u do..

compulsive

dankmemesreasonforliving

why is this happening

all these things you can do, but when im sick and need you its

blame and needyness, taking you away from friends

when your in pain i come to your call

im hurting, can you go a weekend without getting drunk

please dont yell at me, im not tryng to be rude

i just want to go home, while theres still some life in me lord knows i need sleep, why cant you feel that?

like theres no empathy container for me in your reasoning

its the same things ive been saying im not trying to fight

i give up, im sorry, please dont leave me

i cant expect the same things from you that are expected from me.

unflavoredwaxedfloss20

being belonging

i think everyone jut wats to feel like they have a place

a belonging

we find things to attach ourselves too- which is silly because our soul doesnt have hands

i think it has a face though

but while were in bodies we see with our feelings

and finding things to make the sadder ones less painful

shoking- instead of trusting ourselves

we look for a brighter place

not in our being

somewhere else

those eyes and i know its time

start at my ears

slowly

down

to my toes

your concentration

and kisses

communicate a desire

i could bite my teeth into

a ripe peach,

so juicy

im soarning now

seeing new colours

youre flying for both of us baby

turned on auto pilot

my natural disaster

it comes over you quickly, a cloak of invisibility

except i see everything

it explodes out of you

causes the same rueins volcanoes do,

except its my joy that gets damaged

i try to calm down your fire

but i get burned harder and your voice gets louder

i cant hear how to love you

your song starts calm, i fell asleep and then im woken up from screaming

earth quakes also wait till then end to cause the most damage

you and natural disasters seem to have some things in common

i dont have my life jacket right now

finally i start to get cold, turn to you, your face is blue

and you burned the blanket but still havent noticed

im afraid to comment so well shiver till you warm up again.

you're making me mad

doing things on your clock- im restless from waiting

going out because im not pathetic, thats when you come around

pisses me off so much when im expected to drop everything im doing because youre ready to be found

fuck that im not only aggrivated now im angry

new things come

good things

when you least expect it too, figuritively im saying you

and i didnt want it, but i did ,

keep feeding lines to myself along the lines of ;

your not ready and hes not like the others

he would be better,

do i deserve it ?

i asked miss. mudd, she told me

“this might sound corny, but follow your heart

my trust issues have torn most of whats left apart...

i dont do anything about them.

these feelings.

because im afraid it’ll stop this door from opening, theyve all been closed for a while

the one with a path that doesnt start between your legs but in your heart

taking something to chill

the zone is therapy

he asked what inspires me

hard to reply because it’s everything

the coour of the sky, your eyes, something birthed from my spirituality

thought process a mess

a combo of sexuality and childlike personality

me a flower with falling petals

growth from death in whatever situation thats granted to me

today I'm thankful for curiosity

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they didn't deliberately tell me to get an outlet..