Maybe we have been loving each other so hard in the wrong way that it starts to hurt us
I used to think that love was a very binary thing - that it was black and white. You either love or you don’t. Healthy love is the only kind of love. Unhealthy love isn’t love. Etc. Etc.
With time and experience, I’ve come to realise that, actually, love takes so many different shapes and forms.
Love is frequently unhealthy. Maybe we never learned how to express it, or accept it, or to cultivate it so that it does not become all-consuming.
Maybe we temper our love out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability. Maybe we give so much that we become codependent. Maybe we seek acceptance and validation from an external love because we cannot give it to ourselves.
Are all these notions of love warped? Maybe. But, in their own way, they are still love.
What I’m ultimately trying to say is this: falling in love is easy. It is passive. It is as simple as letting the ocean waves carry you along.
But staying in love? Growing and growing from that love? That requires sustained effort. Self-awareness and reflection. Sometimes, it means swimming against the tide. Listening, when all you want is to scream. Talking, when you just want to remain silent.
Love is often romanticised as passionate, falling, excitement - and those feelings are wonderful. But I think there is something much rarer and exquisite in the daily trying, growing, learning.
Without it, I think that love will only dissipate. It will only hurt.
