I wanna share something, SOMETHING PERSONAL that was a main event in my life.To show why my mother is my role model, or at least a few reasons why.And I thought about sharing this to show how our mothers are such strong characters that withstand so much for us without complaining and some people go through their whole life without realizing how incredible their mothers are.
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I used to watch things like this in movies, how a family member would find out they had cancer and how the rest of the family would try to cope. How the person that has cancer would try to be strong in front of his family, even if he was terrified. He’d try to make them feel okay, by putting on a strong front, but the thing is no matter how hard that person tries it still shows, small details give away his whole act.The tragic thing is this was not just merely a movie I watched before or something, this has become my life for the last four weeks or so.My mother was diagnosed with cancer, in the thyroid gland. The Diagnosis itself came accidentally, because normally she wouldn’t go have this certain type of test without a reason.We had a car accident and after it we went to the hospital to get checked up just in case, none of us got harmed. But that accident was a reason that lead to mom’s accidental test that lead to another one that lead to the Diagnosis.I’ve watched movies before about cancer and people having it and how their life would change, but I never thought for a second that one day that’s how my life would be.My mom has been trying to put on a strong front ever since she found out her Diagnosis and just when I start to believe that it’s okay; she’s only going to have a surgery to remove the infected gland. I see her searching her Diagnosis, I see her worried eyes even though she’s smiling to me and saying she’ll be fine and that only kills me.My mother is the strongest woman I know, she’s been through so much but she always surprises me with her strength in tough situations. When life brought her down she was patient and thanked god for every good she had, she’ my role model. If I ever grow up to be half the woman she is then I’ll die happy. I just hope that someday I make her proud of me, really proud, because she was the one who believed in me the most when I doubted myself. She always pushed me forward and pushed me hard to become a better person, without herI wouldn’t be half the person I became.The day of her surgery came and she had to stay the night before it in the hospital, I went with her to help and just be there for her just in case she needed me.
I was walking down the hospital halls next to the bed they had my mom lay in, pushing the bed to the operating room. I’m looking around me, I used to love coming to the hospital, I love its clean and neat buildings, I liked it here. My mom is a doctor so we used to spend a lot of time with her here, have lunch or just go along when she had a light day of work, or even when we went to the doctor for checkups or so on. But today I hated the hospital, walking next to my mom while the nurses were pushing her bed to the OR was just devastating. I hated everything about the hospital and just wished I was home with my mom in her room. She’d be sitting and I'd go lay my head on her lap and she’d play with my hair and I’d feel calm, I’d feel safe knowing that I’ll always have my mom.But now the roles were reversed, I tried so hard to not shed a single tear. Even though I felt like I would burst into tears at any minute, I had to be strong for her so that I’d make her stronger too and that was so hard because my mother is as strong as women can be and I wish I had her strength. This day she, the strongest woman in my eyes, needed me to be strong, I pulled it together somehow. I held her hand before they got her into the operating room, her friends would come kiss her head and say little prayers for her.There was this one friend that just kept moving her hand on her shoulder and she kept on saying the most amazing prayers ever and my eyes got teary, but I whipped them away before mom even noticed. And then the time was up and I had to let her go, I wanted to tell her that she’s always surprised me with her strength and that this time, I know for a fact that she’s stronger than she thinks and that she’s going to be okay, that she’s going to make it and these are things I didn’t know for a fact, but these were my wishes. I didn’t say anything my words failed me and all I did was kiss her forehead and just let go of her hand and they just led her to the OR and that was it for me, I couldn’t go in.I don’t know what’s going in there, but whatever happens I’m not worried, because the last day I spent at the hospital, I saw how people were to my mom. They were kind, loving and they were all as worried as she was. They all kept on telling me that mom does so much good in her life that Allah will get her out of this and that she’s a great and kind hearted woman she’ll make it through. I knew all that but seeing how they were all with her was just inspiring, I was so proud of my mom I just wish that someday she’d feel as proud of me.
August 2012
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