I designed this tattoo after watching a yt video about the Survivalist in the Honest Hearts DLC, long story short it's about a man named Randall Clark who struggles with suicidal ideation, surviver's guilt and finding a will to live after surviving the initial fallout in Zion 2077, and he writes terminal entries to essentially cope with the loneliness and document the people and civilizations he encountered. the last entry he writes about why he couldn't follow through with it for years despite how much heartbreak he endured, despite how much people he loved and lost, despite the fact that he couldn't help the people he cared for to the extent that he desperately wanted to, this line stuck with me for weeks after first hearing it.
"I chose to die again and again. Just never did. Body had its own drive. Well, the little ones will need it. Species will need it if it's to continue, that blind drive onward."
never before that point had I related to someone who also struggles with the same suicidal ideation and impostor syndrome, struggling with the grand why of it all. at the lowest point of my life I'm constantly asking myself what's the point? why should I even try? what good would I even bring? why am I even alive?
most days it's truly nothing more than that blind drive onward.
