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[holy crap am I ready for my computer to be fixed...]
The following morning both wizard and dwarf awoke to the most wonderful smells: fried eggs and potatoes, sweet onions and herbs in butter, fresh sliced fruits, coffee and, most prominently, braised pork. Ankie popped his head out of the pillow pile like a gopher.
"What smells so good," he said loudly. He scurried out of the pillows and wandered into the kitchen, scratching himself lazily.
"Good morning Ankie," said Samia evenly. "I've made breakfast."
"It smells wonderful Samia, thank you." He paused at the table and waited. Samia, still staring at him, nodded and started to cut into her pork. Copernicus pulled the chair out and sat down. Ankie exhaled.
The mood lightened as they ate, though now that they were facing going back to see Kenji none of them were in the most joyous of moods. Samia particularly was dreading the day because it was time she confronted Ankie about evidence they had seen from the butcher murder.
When they had finished eating, they got themselves ready and set off for the Watchhouse. The group noticed as they walked that a number of people were stopping and watching as they past. This wasn't necessarily new but now they people weren't trying to avoid them. They were just watching with interest.
The trio walked into the Watchhouse and Samia groaned: Nameless Theo was sitting at the desk watching them with a disinterested look on his face.
“Hello Theo,” said Samia.
“Oh, hello there. What can I help you with?”
“We’re just here to see Kenji.”
“Kenji huh? He’s been awake all morning. Not very talkative, that one. I says to myself, now there’s a guy who doesn’t have much to say. Of course who am I to say something like that? I’ve been around the block a few times, seen a lot, lived a life. I once went to the Shambles and back on a bet I did! Not so much as a scratch! Almost got kicked by a donkey, but I got reflexes like a oily spring. ‘Course I’d never do something that reckless now, not in my best interest is it? You know my Gran worked in a circus? Things was different back then, circus-folk was a downright respectable profession. When the circus came to town, all the men would say, they’d say ‘circus-folk: now there’s a respectable profession.’ Me Gran was a snake dancer she was. I asked her how she got the snakes to dance wit’ each other and she just patted me on the head. I’m sorry Mr. Copernicus, can I get you some water? You seem to be coughing rather hard all-of-a-sudden. My Gran was really something. She used to have all sorts of folk come over from the circus to hang out. Usually at night though, and she’d always make me go to bed. I bet they were playing some really interesting games. Oops, let me get you that water Mr. Copernicus, you seem to be coughing up a storm over there. I thought about joining the circus but I didn’t because of medical reasons. The doctor over on High Street told me I have an inner nose problem. Said if I tried to do flips or the like my legs would stop working. Wouldn’t be the most impressive high-wire act, would it? Ladies and gentlemen, please notice far above your heads: the Stupendous Theo! See his death-defying act as he skips gracefully across the—uh oh, looks like he’s tried to do a flip. He’s down. No no folks, he’s probably fine. Just don’t touch him. Yep, he just twitched, did you see it? Would’ve been quite a life though. Say, where did miss Samia get off to now?”
Like someone snapping their fingers, Ankie and Copernicus popped out of their little trance and looked around. Samia was, indeed, gone.
“Sorry Theo, she must’ve gone back already,” said Copernicus and started to walk around the desk, setting the empty cup down as he went. “Do you mind if we—“
“Not at all sir, not at all! S’important to visit your friends in the hospital. When I had one of my teef out my Gran visited a few times. Couldn’t expect the old girl to make it every day though, not with her social schedjal. Quite the butterfly, she is. I mean that in the social sense, you understand, not in the causing storms and shipwrecks on the other side of the world sense. Those little buggers--If I ever saw one I can’t say I wouldn’t kill it on sight. Thwack! Little monsters if you ask me. How many lives must’ve been lost because they have to flutter around all the time acting all beautiful and inspiring poems. Poems of terror! Oops, sorry gents, that’s right, just down that hall. On the left there, that’s it. Have a nice day, t’was nice talking to you, hope Mr. Kenji is doing well. I’ll just stay out here then, have to watch the door, very important job that. Who knows what kind of riff-raff...”
Nameless Theo’s voice trailed off. He looked around at the empty lobby, took a piece of paper from a pile to his left, and started to draw a cat. It was really quite good.
When Copernicus entered the infirmary the first thing he noticed was Kenji, standing in the middle of the room, buckling his belt. The second thing he noticed was Samia, who’s face had gone more pale than usual. She met his gaze and her eyes were wide with shock, her jaw hanging uselessly open. He looked at her quizzically, then looked at Kenji.
“She, uh—she caught me with my pants down,” said the alchemist. Copernicus looked back at Samia who closed her mouth and swallowed. She nodded emphatically. The wizard blushed.
“Yes, well, Kenji! It’s good to see you up and moving around. How long...” His voice trailed off when he saw that the armor Kenji had picked up was changing shape. “How long...”
“How long...?” Kenji prompted. Samia started coughing.
“How long, um, have you been back in the land of the living?” the wizard finished weakly.
“I came to this morning before sunrise. An elven woman was tending to me.”
“How are you feeling?” asked Ankie, oblivious to the non-verbal tennis match that was going on between the witch and wizard.
“A little shaky,” said Kenji, “but fine. The elf said I could leave if I wanted.”
“The elf said you shouldn’t leave,” interjected Merril from the hallway, “but that she wasn’t going to try to stop you.”
“See?” said Kenji. “All better. So what’s new? You guys run into those Skullkickers again?”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about that,” said Samia. “Did you notice anything weird about them?”
“I sure did,” said Copernicus. “They were like generic versions of us. Did you see that Varric? Ugh.”
“I wouldn’t say generic,” said the witch, “I’d say more evil.”
“I wasn’t a big fan of that Vincento either,” said Copernicus. “Thinks he’s so handsome.”
“That Vincento,” said Samia, “is a dhampir.”
“What?” said Copernicus, his eyes wide.
“What?” said Ankie, standing up. Kenji raised an eyebrow.
“Yes,” she said, “Half vampire. He had Alter Self cast on him, but I eventually saw through it. And Feylin? The broad with the white hair? She was a sylph.” There was much less outrage at this statement.
“Air elemental?” said Copernicus. “That figures. She had as much personality as air.” He grinned wide but was met only with silence. The grin disappeared.
“I should mention,” he said nonplussed, “that I saw a mark on Varric’s arm. It was the mark of Norgorber.” More silence. “Father Skinsaw? The King of Thieves? Reaper of Reputations? God of poison, secrets and murder? Anybody?” He sat down with a harumph. “Real bad guy anyway.”
“Speaking of secrets,” said Samia slowly, “Ankie? We need to talk.” Merril walked in with some bottles of a clear sparkling liquid and started putting them on shelves. “But not here. Kenji, you said you’re good to leave?”
“I believe so,” said Kenji, “if my keeper will allow it.”
“I’ll allow it,” said Merril ignoring his tone, “but if you run into any problems whatsoever you will come back here immediately.” Kenji bowed his head slightly and strode out of the room.
“Thank you, Merril, for everything,” said Copernicus, squeezing her arm. He followed Kenji out. Samia followed Copernicus, and Ankie, smiling and nodding at the nurse, followed Samia.
When all three had filed into Samia’s home she shut the door behind her. She wordlessly went around, closing every window and pulling every curtain she had. When she was satisfied she walked back into the front room and sat in a chair. She put her hands in her lap.
“Tell us about the butcher,” she said.
“The Butcher?” said Ankie nervously. “I exploded his head with my hammer. Everyone saw it.”
“Not that butcher,” she said. “Tell us about Wallace Grimley, the butcher of Grimley’s Meats that was murdered weeks ago.”
“Oh,” said the dwarf, “that butcher.”
“We all saw the drawing of the tapir in the evidence box,” said Copernicus. “The one Robert Robert showed us. It was Tapey, wasn’t it.”
Ankie was silent for a long moment. When he looked up his eyes were red.
“Remember... remember that night that Tapey ran away? I drew that picture and I went after him. I showed it to a bunch of people, and yeah, they saw him alright. He was knocking over trash cans, eating food out of childrens’ hands, gods bless him... Everyone was so angry, but that was just Tapey’s way. He loved to cause trouble. When I went into Grimley’s shop, though, I din’t even have to show him the picture. I mentioned Tapey and the man just got this look on his face. This real blank look. I looked over and there he was—gutted, skinned; the bastard had butchered him! I flew into a rage. I could feel the heat rising behind my eyes, that damned buzzing getting louder. I remember shouting, I remember breaking furniture, then—nothing.
“I woke up in a pool of blood, I don’t know how long it had been. I looked around and saw Grimley. He had the oddest expression on ‘is face. Jus’ looked surprised.” Ankie took a deep breath. “I ran out of there ‘for anyone saw me. I went home—Copernicus was there. I told him everything.”
“What?” Samia exclaimed. She was looking at Copernicus with shock on her face.
“I didn’t know if he had done anything,” said the wizard, his voice higher than he would have liked. “He told me everything that happened: it could have been someone else! I wasn’t sure.”
“I asked him not to tell anyone,” said Ankie. “I insisted. I—“ Ankie exhaled heavily and sat down on a pillow. “I come from the Five Kings Mountains. I was born into royalty. I was to be the King. Anyway, the duergar, they were jealous, I guess. They set a curse on me. Possessed me with Gorum, the god of battle. I fell to his influence... I murdered my family and most of the court. Flew into a rage then too. Don’t remember a thing. I was banished from the kingdom, set to wander. And I’ve been wandering ever since.”
“And being possessed by Gorum...” said Samia.
“I have it under control,” said the dwarf. “Mostly. He’s always there. Buzzing in my ear. Telling me to kill... I’ve learned to control it though. You’ve seen what happens when I give in—that’s why I don’t give in. I try not to give in. I lose control. I don’t like to lose control... I don’t want to hurt anyone that I...” Everyone was looking at him. “’s because of Gorum that I don’t have any hair. Guess he scares it right out of me. I been shunned by the dwarf community ‘cause they all think I’m crazy. I’m not crazy,” he said, not sounding entirely convinced.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all this earlier,” he said, looking rather small. The room was silent for several seconds.
“We all have our secrets,” said Kenji reassuringly, leaning back.
“Who are Adara and Delphine?” asked Copernicus suddenly. Kenji gave him a hard look.
“Where did you hear those names?” he said quietly.
“You did a lot of talking in your coma.”
“They are... people from my past,” Kenji said eventually. “Their time is coming.”
Ankie and Samia exchanged a glance. Copernicus murmered ‘their time is coming’ quietly to himself. He stared at the ground.
“You can talk when you’re comfortable,” said Samia to Kenji. “We won’t judge.”
“Won’t we?” said a voice from a back room. Samia, Kenji and Ankie looked sharply toward the voice. Roofio lumbered into the room and crossed his gangly arms. “Is anyone else not bothered by that statement? Their time is coming?”
“How the hell did you get in my house?” snapped Samia.
“You know,” said Roofio. “I got in.” He looked coolly at her.
“Well,” said the witch with a huff, “next time just knock.” The ape-man shrugged.
“The alchemist,” he growled, “just stated that he was going to end two people. Is no one else uncomfortable with that?” All eyes drifted over to Copernicus who was still staring at the floor. Without looking up he stood and walked from the room. The soft click of the Samia’s bedroom door shutting was the only thing he offered by way of explanation.
“Everyone has a past,” said Samia. “You mean to tell me you don’t have any demons?”
“Of course I have,” said Roofio.
“Everyone here does,” she said. “It’s the nature of Galt.”
“The nature of Galt,” said Roofio, “is darkness and chaos. That is not my nature. I will not submit.” The ape-man uncrossed his arms and walked to the front door. He pulled it open and paused.
“You. Dwarf.”
“What?” said Ankie defensively.
“I like your new clothes.” And, slamming the door, he was gone. Ankie looked at Samia, who shrugged her shoulders. He stood up and walked toward the door Copernicus had left through but it opened before he got there.
“Copernicus..?” said Ankie.
“Ankie,” said Copernicus.
“Is everything okay?”
“No, but there is nothing new about that.”
“Do you,” said the dwarf tentatively, “do you have any secrets you want to share?” The wizard was silent for a moment.
“No,” he said finally. There was a knock on the front door. He walked over and pulled it open, revealing a Grey Gardener.
“Come,” said the masked man.
“What? Why?” said Samia, taken aback.
“Don’t argue,” he said. “Come.”
Copernicus walked through the door without a word.
The wagon-ride was, not to put too fine a point on it, tense. When they had climbed in they found two more Grey Gardeners waiting for them. When they had sat down they heard a click as the door was locked from the outside. Samia was not happy with the arrangement.
“Did I mention,” she said without a hint of softness, “that I’m not happy about this?”
The wagon was rather large with two benches that faced each other. Two Grey Gardeners sat on the bench facing rearward with Copernicus next to them, and Samia, Ankie and Kenji sat on the opposite bench facing forward. The Grey Gardener that had knocked on Samia’s door was, presumably, sitting up with the driver.
Kenji and Ankie whispered to each other. Copernicus was silent. Samia was not.
“How does one become a Grey Gardener anyway? I mean, are there scouts? Is it a lineage thing or do you have to apply?” The Grey Gardeners ignored her. She put on her best sincerity face and tried again.
“Listen, we appreciate all that you’ve done for us. You have to understand, though, that when we are abducted in the middle of the day and put in a locked box with no way to see outside we are, understandably, weary of the intentions of our hosts.”
“You came of your own will,” said one of the Grey Gardeners.
“Yes, but you told us to didn’t you? And then with Copernicus being all... whatever he’s being over there and just climbing in, we had to come didn’t we?”
“The hand of the revolution is guided by the people,” said the same Gardener. As if sensing Samia’s frustration, the cart hit a pot hole and bounced violently, throwing the man (along with Ankie) to the floor of the cart. Ankie got back in his seat unharmed, but when the Grey Gardener sat up he had blood running from his nose.
“Maybe next time you should be more forthcoming,” said Samia with satisfaction. She pulled a poultice from her bag and handed it to the man, who pressed it to his nose. The Grey Gardener next to him was rocking with silent laughter.
“Now,” she said kindly. “Where are we going.”
“We are taking you to your destination,” said the second Grey Gardener.
“And where,” she said, less kindly this time, “or what, is that?”
“We’ll be there soon. Settle down.”
There was an inrush of air. Kenji and Ankie had both breathed in suddenly, knowing what a bad idea it was to tell any woman, let alone a professionally vindictive witch, to settle down. Before Samia could let loose her righteous anger there was another sound coming from outside the cart, a sound of many people muttering and running. There was a loud yell, then the muttering stopped.
“What the hell is going on?” demanded Samia.
Silence.
“Are we there yet?”
The man with the bloody nose sighed. His partner spoke again.
“You may as well relax. It will be a few more minutes.”
“Tell me to relax,” muttered the witch. “...give you something to relax about...”
The cart shuttered as it hit more holes. The muttering began again, along with the sound of footsteps. They could all tell that a great number of people were gathering around the cart, and they sounded excited. As if to pass the time, Kenji growled deeply within his throat and glared at the man with the bloody nose. The man shrank back slightly. Kenji nodded.
The cart hit another deep hole and this time Kenji, Copernicus and Ankie all pitched forward onto the floor, knocking heads their heads together. Before they could climb back into their seats, though, the cart stopped. Someone jumped off the front of the cart, there were footsteps leading around the side, and then the back was thrown open.
There was a cacophony of noise: hundreds of people yelling and screaming. It took them all a minute to realize where they were, their eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness of the midday sun. When they figured out that they had been brought to the rear of Lady Magdelaine, the dam broke. Apprehension became panic.
“Now see here,” said Samia loudly.
“The hell?” barked Ankie.
“Traitorous dogs,” growled Kenji.
Copernicus just looked around. The scene was set similarly to the Butcher’s execution just days before but there were differences. The screams and yells were not angry or frightened, but instead sounded joyous. They were cheering. There were chairs set up on the Lady’s platform, and the guillotine itself was covered in a purple velvet tarp. The man who had come to their door was standing before them with an outstretched hand.
“Come,” said the man. “Your fans await.”
Ankie took point as the four adventurers climbed warily on stage. The crowd erupted in screams of half-appreciation and half star-eyed disbelief. The Rusty Coterie looked around at all the hundreds of citizens in attendance. They looked at each other, bemused.
Copernicus wasn’t happy. He had been spending months with a bunch of thugs and killers, trying to do the right thing, and here were all these people vindicating their boorish and violent ways. His energy was waning. He was trying to play the good example, trying to stay within the lines, but every new situation they encountered made it more and more difficult. How could you follow the laws when those that made the laws operated so far outside them? Rather than feel uplifted by the mounds of praise standing below them he felt rather sickened. Did he... did any of them deserve this?
Samia wasn’t happy. She was tired of being jerked around by anyone and everyone who thought they held the least bit of power. She had tried to work alongside the Grey Gardeners, tried to prove to them that she wasn’t some pretty little line-cook. She saved one of their lives, but still they treated her like a child. Hand of the Revolution her foot. On top of all that, standing ten feet to their right was the root of their problems: the captain of the Watch himself, Javen. Javen, with his granite chin and his million dollar smile. How she’d love to dirty up that smile. How she’d love to give that chin a little crack.
Kenji wasn’t happy. Why this was was anybody’s guess, though Samia thought she had a pretty damned good idea. He stood to the rear of the platform and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.
Ankie was ecstatic. As the cheers and whistles settled on him he felt like he used to. He felt like royalty. He put his fists on his hips, thrust out his chest, and beamed at the crowd. A small gathering of bearded women in the left half of the square answered this with some hoots and cat-calls. The dwarf, for the first time in a very long time, felt wonderful. They liked him. They really liked him.
Javen, who was clapping, walked out to the front of the stage and waved his hands upward at the crowd. The noise nearly doubled. The wizard, the witch and the alchemist didn’t respond as Javen resumed his clapping and smiled at each of them in turn. Ankie pointed at a few ladies in the audience, and flexed his considerable muscles. One dwarven woman with a long brown beard in a loose braid fainted as daintily as she could manage. She cracked her eye open to make sure Ankie had seen her grand swoon and was satisfied to see that he had.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” boomed Javen, “I present to you the saviors of Woodsedge: The Rusty Coterie!” Cries of excitement and appreciation rose from the gathering. Copernicus winced: he wondered where they had come up with the name Rusty Coterie. A twinge of embarrassment passed through him.
“Woodsedge, myself included, thanks you,” he continued. The crowd started to quiet down. “For defeating the Butcher of Woodsedge, the monster that killed four of our own and was able to outsmart even the Grey Gardeners—“ Samia glanced back at the three Grey Gardeners who were standing by the cart. Insofar as you could see any of their expressions behind their kerchiefs, they did not look impressed. “—we offer our deepest gratitude. Ankie, Samia, Kenji and Copernicus, may I present to you the Chief Magistrate of Woodsedge: Maravel!”
A tall woman stood up from the other side of the platform. She had dark skin, darker than Copernicus’s, and was very beautiful. She had long black hair with a single streak of white which was woven into a tight braid. The few lines she had around her eyes indicated kindness. Or malice—Copernicus was never very good at that stuff. She walked over to them and bowed. Ankie, who was on some sort of roll, gingerly took her hand and planted a kiss on it. She smiled down at him.
“Ankie Stonehammer,” she said with a smooth and deep voice. “I understand we have your Earthbreaker to thank for ending the blight that has been plaguing our city.” Ankie blushed.
“Aye,” he said, and cleared his throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, turning toward the assembled crowd, “I bring you the Rusty Coterie, who managed to apprehend the Butcher! And even when the Grey Gardeners let him slip through their fingers, they put an end to his reign of terror permanently!”
The crowd applauded. Ankie, far more bashful than he had been a few minutes before, just stood there and looked downward, smiling. Kenji took a step back. Samia glanced again at the Grey Gardeners, but they were gone. Copernicus was looking back and forth from Javen to Maravel. His brow was furrowed.
“In honor of your feats of heroism,” Maravel said, causing a hush to spread over the crowd, “we’d like you to accept this as a token of our gratitude.” A man who had been standing behind her stepped forward and held out a leather bag at arms length. There was a silence as the four heroes waited for someone to take it. Finally, Copernicus stepped forward and took it. He nearly pitched forward as it was far heavier than he was expecting. He flipped the cover open and looked inside, though he didn’t need to see the gold to know it was there. He closed the bag and said a quick “thank you.”
“From this day forth,” the woman said, “you shall be known as Citizen Ankie—“ Ankie kicked an invisible pebble and smiled.
“—Citizen Samia—“ Samia gave a curt nod and kept her mouth tightly shut. She glanced back again and suddenly felt very exposed.
“—Citizen Kenji—“ Kenji looked away. If there were three situations Kenji didn’t want to be in at this moment in time, this would be two of them.
“—and Citizen Copernicus.” Copernicus, who had been staring at an arbitrary point roughly four feet in front of his face, was horrified to find that this point was now occupied by the Chief Magistrate of Woodsedge’s stately bosom. He blinked and looked up at Maravel, who was smiling at him. Her right eyebrow was raised.
“How ‘bout a speech?” boomed Javen to the crowd. The people erupted in applause again. He turned and looked back at the four. His mouth was grinning.
“Ahem.” A noise like oiled gravel came from Ankie. The crowd went silent. They watched him intently. The witch, the wizard and the alchemist watched him intently too. He walked awkwardly to the edge of the platform.
“I came to Woodsedge not too long ago,” said the dwarf. “Actually, I came to Galt not too long before that. I had been travelling for what seemed like ages; I’d never felt more alone. Like an outsider, everywhere I went I felt like an outsider. Was treated like one too. The humans treated me cruelly because I was a dwarf, the dwarves hated me because of my...” he brushed his bald head with his fingertips. A few sighs and gasps rose from the crowd. “It wasn’t until I came to Woodsedge that I really found a place that I could call home. You’ve all been so kind. Thank you for that.”
The crowd erupted again. Flowers, a few scarves, three gloves and one excitingly shaped breastplate flew onto the stage. Ankie, not knowing what else to do, bowed. The crowd loved this and started chanting his name. A few fans tried to rush the stage but some Watchmen down below held them back. From somewhere down below, a band started playing music. People started dancing and singing. Ankie, high on the moment, ran down the steps and joined them. Maravel turned to the other three Citizens.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said with a half smile. “Javen talks about you a lot.”
“Oh yeah?” said Samia, not unkindly. “What does he say?”
“Only good things. He’s impressed, as am I, how you’ve risen from exterminators to heroes in just a few short months.”
“That’s very kind of you to say,” said Copernicus.
“It would be wonderful,” she continued, barely taking notice of Copernicus, “if the four of you could really exemplify what it is to be a Galtean.”
“It would be wonderful,” said Samia, not unkindly, “if we could get our school back.”
“Ah yes, the school,” said Maravel, her expression not changing. “It would be grand if the school could be rebuilt. Have you considered purchasing new land?”
“Wait,” said Copernicus, but Samia interrupted him.
“We would consider it,” she said, teetering on unkindly, “but is there any land that hasn’t been purchased by Danib?” It was barely noticeable, but Maravel’s expression flickered. Samia’s brain gave itself a high-five.
“Yes, Danib has been buying land at an impressive rate,” she said. “I understand he’s building low income housing. It will be greatly beneficial to those who cannot afford some of the...spendier apartments.”
“But that’s just it, isn’t it?” said Copernicus. “Why is he building low-income housing on the site of the school? It doesn’t make any sense. Why not build it in the Shambles where they need it.”
“I cannot presume to understand how a mind such as Danib’s operates,” she said evenly. “Listen: you’ve done a great deal for this town. How about this: if you can find land to rebuild your school on I promise you you will have the help of the municipal government behind you.”
“Thank you,” said Samia. “That’s very kind.”
“Madame Magistrate,” said Javen, who had just appeared next to Samia. “You’re needed elsewhere.” Maravel nodded. She smiled and took each of their hands in turn, then walked down into the crowd.
“So,” said the Commander of the Watch, “what do you think of the festivities?”
“They’re very nice,” said Samia. “I must say we were not expecting this.”
“The town is very grateful,” he said, “as am I. You saved me a ton of detective work. Ha ha ha!” He slapped Copernicus on the back, knocking his comedically tall hat onto the stage. The wizard bent over and picked it up.
“We took down the Butcher because we were pulled into it,” said Samia. “It was not our goal.”
“Regardless, it is appreciated.”
“While we’re on the subject,” said Samia, “we’d like to help you with one more thing.”
“I’ll always accept help from the Rusty Coterie!” boomed Javen with a smile on his face.
“We want to offer our help in taking down the Copper Bit Gang.”
“That,” said Javen, his face unchanging, “will not be necessary. We have the Copper Bit Gang under control.”
“All due respect,” said Samia, “but no you don’t. Crime is way up in the Shambles and it seems that the Copper Bits are now expanding into Woodsedge proper.”
“We have,” said Javen in a low growl, “them under control. I’d advise you to drop it.”
“It seems to me,” said Samia, not slowing down for anything, “that there might be a reason you want us to leave the Copper Bit gang alone. Say, if you had them working for you.”
“That’s a very serious allegation,” growled Javen, his smile now gone. “You’d be wise to choose your words more carefully.”
“Words like extortion?” she said in a voice as smooth as a razor blade. Javen moved toward her but Kenji shot an arm between them. With reflexes like lighting, Javen had Kenji’s hand in his and was twisting his fingers in an entirely unnatural way. The alchemist twisted slightly and turned the grip around, bending the Watchman’s wrist back almost to his arm. Neither man flinched, neither man broke gaze with the other.
“Break it up,” said Samia sharply, “or I’ll break you up!”
Seconds passed as the two stood locked in their grapple, staring at each other, then as one each let go of the other. Javen rubbed his twisted wrist, turned and stormed down into the crowd. Kenji pulled on his fingers and with a few pops nodded his head.
Copernicus looked down into the crowd. The people were packed in pretty tight, dancing to the music, but there was a small void about fifteen feet out. He smiled when he saw the void was occupied by Ankie, and he was surrounded by several women, both dwarven and human.
“I suppose we may as well enjoy ourselves,” said Samia, looking at the dwarf as well. “Copernicus, put that away.” Copernicus remembered the bag of gold he was holding. He pulled open his handy haversack and tossed it in. They all looked at each other and then dispersed, disappearing into the crowd.
Copernicus wandered through the throng of people. He was bad at these types of situations, especially when it involved the upper crust. He caught sight of Samia, who was talking to a thin man with a goutee. He man looked absolutely enamored, while the woman standing next to him seemed positively livid. Copernicus chuckled and saw, a few feet in front of him, a vision of beauty. She was short, plump, and was maybe ten years his senior. Her long black hair was woven around a thin wooden frame, creating the illusion of a perfect cube of hair on her head. Whether it was part of the illusion or not, a bluebird was poking its head out of the frame and was looking wildly at all the party-goers. The wizard approached her.
“I am a Duke, you see, so when they asked me to attend the ceremony, of course I obliged. I could not possibly let a function as big as this pass without gracing those present with my... presence.” The Duke laughed at his own cleverness.
“Ha ha, of course not,” said Samia, looking desperately for a way out of this conversation. “You mustn’t deprive the deprived.”
“Quite!” exclaimed the Duke and guffawed. Samia spotted Copernicus a ways away just in time to hear the woman he was speaking to say “my word,” and slap him hard across the face. The woman turned on her heel and walked away as haughtily as she could muster. Copernicus rubbed his face and, making eye contact with Samia, gave an embarrassed smile and a wave.
“I hope you’ll forgive me,” said Samia to the thin man with the goutee, “but my friend has just been struck by a large woman who appears to have a bird-house on her head. I must see to him. My lady.” She bowed to the Duke’s wife and walked away. The Duchess fumed and gritted her teeth in response.
“Are you okay?” asked the witch when she reached the wizard.
“What, this?” said Copernicus, “yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been slapped by bigger hands than hers.”
“Yes, well...what? No, nevermind. Have you seen Kenji?”
“He’s over behind Lady Magdellaine. He doesn’t like crowds.”
“Tonight I’m inclined to agree with him.” Samia walked toward the giant soul-stealing guillotine. Copernicus looked around and saw a man standing alone a few feet away. He walked over to him.
“Hello,” said Copernicus, “I’m—“
“I know who you are,” said the man. He sniffed and dragged his finger under his nose.
“Oh,” said Copernicus. “What’s—“
“You’re with that Ankie, ain’t you?”
“Um, yes, we’re both—“
“I don’t like him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Look at ‘im, all dancin’ like he owns the place.”
“It’s... this is a party.”
“No excuse. No excuse to be actin’ like a fool.”
“You are a very miserable man,” said Copernicus accurately.
“You don’t t’ink I know that?” said the man. “What’s your story then? You some kinda magician?”
“Well, no actually, I’m a wizard.”
“Can you do balloon animals?”
“What? I can summon—“
“Balloon animals?” interrupted the man.
“I could prestidigitate—“.
“What’s that? Fancy word for cheatin’?” The wizard stared at him.
“...Yes,” he conceded.
“Me cousin Jeffry can do balloon animals, and he’s no good.”
“Listen,” said Copernicus, “I happen to be a master of the arcane arts, trained by one of the most powerful diviners—“
“Can you make people quack like ducks and tell you their weight?”
“I’m not some common illusionist that one might hire for a child’s birthday party!”
“Jeffry can, and he’s rubbish.”
“Right,” said Copernicus and walked quickly away. Half-hearted cheers washed over him as he passed the grateful (if slightly drunk) citizens of Woodsedge, and he nodded and said quick thank-yous to them. He weaved his way through the crowd, hooked Ankie under the shoulder and pulled him behind the guillotine to where Samia and Kenji were sitting.
“Listen,” he said, “I’ve had a really lousy day, both spiritually and emotionally, and I’d like very much to go home.”
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