dick shaped crises

natalia   dyer   could   break   my   back   and   i'd   say   thanks.

[thorodinson]

journalism peaked here

[cheekbonered]

australian gothic

- we all refer to the prime minister by their first name. we know them well, and they know us. all of us.

- there’s a man on the street corner who never leaves. “just waiting for a mate,” he says. you realise he is on every corner, of every street.

- you are swooped by a magpie in the same place, at the same time, every single day. “it’s swooping season!” says your neighbour. it has always been swooping season.

- sometimes you hear a woman whispering late at night - or early in the morning. “rage” she hisses. “rage”.

- the prime minister never seems to last long and often disappears through no discernible democratic process. one of them eats a raw onion in an attempt to assimilate. he is gone by morning, replaced by another.

[eatingcroutons]

- Someone offers you a meat pie. It burns your tongue. You have never asked what kind of meat is in a meat pie. 

- The Prime Minister walks into the ocean and is never seen again. They say he was a traitor, defecting to the enemy, whisked away by submarines. You build a swimming pool in his honour.

- The grass is dead, or the grass is Long. You do not go into the grass when it is Long.

- An old man judges you silently as you buy an avocado. You already knew you would never own a home.

- You offer your friend a drink. They refuse. They say they are Designated. You apologise immediately. You meant no offence, and you would never disrespect the Designated. You have newfound admiration for your friend.

- The ground is lava. Your feet burn and blister as you sprint between the safety of the shadows. Everyone knows you can’t wear shoes.

- There are spiders in your shoes. There are spiders in the shed. There are spiders under the toilet seat. The biggest ones, you allow to stay. They lurk in the highest corners of the ceiling, but you know how fast they can run.

- Someone offers you a jam doughnut. It burns your tongue.

- You check your calendar and your house number three times before you turn on the sprinklers. Your neighbour’s face appears at their window. You wonder if you should check again.

- It is time for the Maccas Run. Nobody knows what time it actually is, but you all sense it is right. The Designated stands up.

- Whoever she is, whenever, wherever, whatever she is, she will always be right.

[fluffmugger]

- It’s bin night. But which bin? The streets lie paralysed, homeowners lurking behind their gates, waiting for someone to make the first move.  - The sun is broiling the land dry.  Half the country is on fire.  You look up at the sky and worry about your flood insurance. 

[ileolai]

- There’s a new prime minister, but it’s the same prime minister. Now he’s gone. There’s a new prime minister. You change your smoke alarm battery.

- You don’t believe the stories about the creatures in the trees, but you take precautions. One day, you see an unwary traveller taking shelter from the blazing sun underneath a jacaranda. When you look back, he’s gone.

- The train is coming in five minutes. The train is coming in four minutes. The train is coming in five minutes. The train is coming in four minutes. The train is coming in five minutes. The train passes you without stopping. The train is coming in five minutes.

- No one knows where They came from, what They want, or why They never age or feel pain. Only the children know. ‘’Fruit salad,’’ they whisper. ‘’Fruit salad.’’

- A giraffe with blank eyes and a strange, fixed smile gives you health advice. You don’t question it.

- ‘’Where the bloody hell are you?’’ The woman asks. ‘’I don’t know,’’ you weep. ‘’I don’t know.’’ She asks again: ‘’Where the bloody hell are you?’’ She never stops asking.

[sleenie]

[blackarachnya]

[jeanqrey]

Letitia Wright at the 2018 Emmys

[jeanqrey]

Zazie Beetz at the 2018 Emmys

[macrolit]

Giveaway Contest: We’re giving away twelve Bantam Classics paperbacks by Walt Whitman, Emily Bronte, Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, George Eliot, Shakespeare, and others! Won’t this collection look lovely on your shelf? :D To win these classics, you must: 1) be following macrolit on Tumblr (yes, we will check. :P), and 2) reblog this post. We will choose a random winner on September 29, at which time we’ll start a new giveaway. And yes, we’ll ship to any country. Easy, right? Good luck!

[dailythorgifs]

[twilightrenaissance]

edward texting bella about the snail he saw moodboard

[macrolit]

Giveaway Contest: We’re giving away twelve Bantam Classics paperbacks by Walt Whitman, Emily Bronte, Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, George Eliot, Shakespeare, and others! Won’t this collection look lovely on your shelf? :D To win these classics, you must: 1) be following macrolit on Tumblr (yes, we will check. :P), and 2) reblog this post. We will choose a random winner on September 29, at which time we’ll start a new giveaway. And yes, we’ll ship to any country. Easy, right? Good luck!

[omibutt]

@lanacondor : I’m shooting season 1 of @deadlyclasssyfy and they chopped off all my hair, and subsequently also saved me so much money now on shampoo and conditioner 🙈

[she-burns]

based on popular albums I listened to in high school

[bvkspine]

the studious reader: reads in coffe shops and at the library, drinks lots of lattes, takes the best pictures, lives for the aesthetic, blankets and cozy outfits and candles are a priority no matter the place and time of year or day, probably a literature student or in a social sciences field, tabs, comes up with the weirdest and most detailed theories

the chaotic reader: reads four books at once, regularly forgets characters’ names, crazy reading habits, reads mostly late at night or for unhealthy stretches of time, eats snacks or bites nails while reading, had an intense reading phase around the year 2014 and feels very nostalgic about that, passionate and outspoken

the summer reader: reads outside, wears sunglasses and sits directly on the ground to read, plays with sand or grass while reading, gets bored if the story is stalling or running in circles but otherwise gets easily lost in a book, likes a sweet drink or a nice cup of tea, unapologetically reads bad chick lits, plot over prose, tropes are friends

the addicted reader: reads on the bus in bed on a chair in class at work in the bath whilst walking, would read in their sleep, wears headphones to impede social interactions, owns the largest and most eclectic collection of books, refuses to think about the library of alexandria, picky and generally hard to please, likes to keep their favorite copies freakishly clean

[spelunk]

i’m just gonna say it

[spelunk]

broccoli is good actually and you’re all cowards for hating it. asparagus too

[blasphemie]

lmao saying someone is toxic because they called you out when you used an ableist slur ?? you’re truly something, hun. a real piece of work.

[blasphemie]

like it’s absolutely fine when y’all can use us to prop you up with call outs on people and roleplays and what not, but when the tables get turned on you when you REPEATEDLY say disgusting things ? lmao. my meanness doesn’t begin and end with strangers on tumblr, i keep people i know just as in check. but that’s “toxic”. LMAO.

[valtsv]

*lowers my heart-shaped sunglasses and glares at you* listen man. i’m gay and you’re really harshing my groove.

[gilmvres]

unpopular opinion: i peed and shidded and farded

i  just  cackled  please  leave  me  alone

send  me  controversial  or  unpopular  opinions  and  i'll  tell  you  if  i  agree  or  disagree  🐸  ☕️

[gilmvres]

exhales in i’ve been dealing w abt 3 fucking levels of trauma for literally nearly 2 weeks and at this point i would actually cagefight over it