ACCESS DENIED

+++Reality malfunction. Please reboot universe+++

[fluffmugger]

Me: "I don't care if [satirical article that is clearly satire] is real or not, it's a jumping point for me to make a pithy joke at the expense of arseholes"

Swathes of tumblr: "akkkkshully it's not real jsyk it's satire you should care it's MiSiNfoRMaTiOn"

Guys i'm fucking autistic and telling you to knock it off with the fucking literalism.

Damned fools.

[pangur-and-grim]

I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.

[catsofyore]

The TV repairmen are here and they are useless. Photo from my collection, no date/info.

[throathole]

oh so now the ancient sumerian is gonna preach to us

[amirrorcalledthemoon]

[threeninesfine]

You can't be talking like that, White Gilgamesh

[penandinkprincess]

my scoop of ice cream flipped and hit the counter, so my solution was picking it up and just eating around the part that touched the counter, and I'm here to report that eating ice cream with your hands while crouched over the sink to catch drips does feel like being a little raccoon

10/10 experience highly recommend

[penandinkprincess]

well that's my plans for tomorrow sorted

[king-carnivore]

what really fucks me up about watching the truman show in 2025 is how it's not fictional. truman is fictional, but the truman show isn't.

there's thousands of truman shows. you find them on youtube, tiktok, instagram... family and mommy vloggers, sad beige moms and now the trend of neglectful moms showing the "reality" of parenting. all of them using their kids for entertainment. each child their own truman; living a life manufactured by their parents, a camera watching their every moment, broadcasted for the entire world to see.

[king-carnivore]

tbh, i didn't even think about that when i made my post and holy shit you're so fucking right

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

tumblr staff finding out their site has crowdsourced a viral song, only to discover it is 100% unusable in any corporate marketing scenario

[chaser]

Australian music industry: "God we wish local music was more popular"

Monkey paw: *curls*

[decimera]

For those unsure what's being referenced:

[echojulietfoxtrot]

This went down a fucking storm in a bar on Saturday btw

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

> be tumblr

> accidentally meme your way into creating a hit song made entirely out of slurs

> song gets banned from the dance charts right as its about to chart

> every gay bar in the country immediately adds it to their playlist in protest

Sometimes using this site is like accidentally rolling your car off a cliff only for it to somehow do a flip and land directly on top of Hitler

[nagusposting]

Gif dump!

[eagle-writes]

Veni vidi conveni consedi

I came I saw I fits I sits

[chthonicist]

Delightful update - I learned "sits" as just "sedi" so I idly looked up "consedi" and:

I came, I saw, I fits, I establishes residence

I think this improves it immensely.

[important-cat-pics]

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[animentality]

[taskmastersource]

[avadaniels]

"Scrooge learns the true meaning of Bisexual Awareness Week" Make Some Noise Season 3 Episode 11

[sodomit]

I was looking for photos of one physical condition that happens to penises and came across this photoset.

[fluffmugger]

[ororium-z]

Happy Pride!

[rootbeergoddess]

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

[thesaltofcarthage]

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.