check in every week to see what most likely dead old man I'm freaking the fuck out about this time instead of getting a job. this week it's bela lugosi
some people will look you dead in the eye after you tell them you would never date a man that slams doors, throws things, or hits anything when he's upset with you and go 'well...'
why should I (or anybody else) be expected to whittle down my absolute base survival instincts just because 'well, he's not hitting you, so it's okay'? You can't genuinely expect me to believe a man who doesn't have the self control to not break anything in anger has never thought of hurting me in anger once.
I mean, yeah, you could say maybe drawing the line at slamming a door is a bit much and I'd understand that. We've all done it. My point is you're a really hard person to respect or feel safe around if you have a repeated habit of your emotions taking control of the way you treat objects around you. Either you break something on purpose and don't regret it after to make a show of your anger, making you kind of a piece of shit, or you do it without fully meaning to and regretting it after, demonstrating a really poor sense of control over yourself. Either way, in my mind, that resets the clock for when it'll inevitably happen again.
and maybe next time it'll be just slamming the door. Or it'll be a glass. Or one of your things. Or, it could be you. that's my point.
This isn't supposed to be a fearmongering rant, I know I have an established anxiety problem and that's definitely shaped how I approach these kinds of standards
My point is, there's a widespread belief, usually among older people that gets passed down to their kids, that to be in love and in any marriage you have to have wanted to strangle the other person just a little bit, and that you should ignore the idea that someone would want to choke you out in the first place and focus instead on the idea that they 'chose not to' as a display of love. This is complete bullshit. I've always thought of that as not a matter of if, but when.
Obviously it's up to you where you draw the line. I'm just personally sick of this one boomer sentiment and if we're not the generation to break this cyclical belief I'm literally going to shit in my hands and get clapped or whatever the phrase is
Also, this goes for women, queer people, anybody. It's about the intent to harm, it's about entertaining the idea, anybody can do that.
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