fragments on the linguistics of cybersex 4
or; why is ERP so important to many plural systems?
an unavoidable fact of plural existence is that many systems' headmates are deeply entangled with their sexualities. the "sexual alter" who primarily fronts to express desire or have sex is a stark example of this, but it happens in many smaller ways too. sexuality can be an easy tell between headmates, internally or externally (who are you attracted to, what fantasies currently appeal, etc.) and it's not uncommon to discover new headmates through sexual roleplay or scenes. sometimes your sexuality or kinks simply form a core part of your identity or place in a system, and this shouldn't be a shameful thing to admit - sexuality is important to singlet identity formation too!
for systems on the asexual spectrum there's an extra layer here tho. if your sexuality is something that only exists for specific fantasies, or with people you know well enough to develop particular feelings about, sex can require certain kinds of identity work.
in our case, a core need for most sexual encounters became knowing a partner was seeing you as yourself and was engaging with you sexually because of feelings they had about you in specific.
text roleplay (sexual or not) is deeply compatible with these experiences, because it requires certain expectations of common ground. you cannot touch someone's digital body without knowing how it is shaped. if you want to interact with their genitals you have to ask what kind to expect, because describing the thing you want to touch is often up to you. thus, feeling out the shapes of each other's bodies affirmingly usually requires bringing each other up to speed on how you wish to be perceived.
similarly, in text roleplay, you have to make guesses at what actions you could take that your partner would enjoy. while some of this may be a matter of understanding baseline sexual preferences (kinks, preferred positions, boundaries), it's also about being able to read the nuances of someone's personality and respond to them in particular. inevitably, this makes a text RP scene a practice in working to understanding one another, and establishing a particular dynamic between you.
having a good read on a particular headmate - understanding where their identity lines up with your expectations of their presentation and where they might intentionally subvert it, understanding their angles on a given kink, figuring out where your personalities do or don't fit together - these are many of the same things you'd want to do to become closer with any friend.
because of these factors, text roleplay essentially functions as a really good and effective kind of conversation. while the same effects can be had without sex involved (e.g. taking the time to pet a soft animal from a friend's system and feel out their shape), if you both have an active libido and wish to engage with the sexual or kink aspects of your identities, it's not a massive shift to incorporate them too.
not everyone gets the same things out of text roleplay (or sex), and finding other ways to have these kinds of relationship deepening conversations with friends is important - you never want sexual interactions to feel required for a friendship. but when you find compatibility with other systems in this way, it can be really nice to have cybersex as an option.
sometimes being an asexual plural system means you've slept with most of your friends. not because of sex being some big important thing that you're especially good at getting, but because of the opposite - sex isn't magic, it's a conversation. and it's fine to want to use this kind of conversation to build closer relationships with your friends. it can teach you new things about yourself, build specific fondnesses and relationships, but this is true of many other conversations too. it's one of many tools in your friendship toolbox.
vaporwave
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
2087
ellievsbear
izzy806
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
