my first time wearing heels
Earlier today I had to go to a store near my house. It was just like 1km, normally I would ride my bike, but the thing is, Iād just bought my first pair of kitten heels the day before, so I thought to myselfĀ āWell, I can do this. Itās pretty close and kitten heels are for training anyway right?ā. So I decided to walk.
10 min: This is fiiiiiine.This is fun. I kinda like it.Ā
15 min: omg I feel like people are looking at me. Am I delirious or does my butt actually look better?Ā
18 min: I almost fall over by that bump but itās still good š
20 min: ok this starts to hurt
23 min: Why is the road so bumpy??? I never notice this when wearing sneakers.
27 min: Oh god itās scratching my heels. Itās like invisible little ninjas sawing my feet what the actual FUCK!
32 min: Shit Iām sweating and the wounds are now absORBING SATAN SALTĀ
33 min: IT BURNS HOLY MOTHER OF GODS HAVE MERCY ON MY SOLES
34 min: I SWEAR IāLL EAT MORE VEGETABLE AND DO MORE CHARITY JUST GIVE ME STRENGTH FUCK THIS FUCKING FUCKERY SHIT
35 min: at this point Iām clinging to the fence along the road for balance and I look like a giant ugly baby learning how to walk, for the first time, on a field of broken lego pieces. My face is melting under the sun and the pain and I definitely donāt look like human anymore. People start to give me worrying sneers they think Iāve been shot.
37 min: I reach the store. I painfully pick my stuffs. I painfully pay for my stuffs. At this point, swear to god I give off this murderous vibe that people visibly try to stay away from me. Like I look like Imma kill someone to revenge for the death of my firstborn. Like Iām one of those zombies from The Walking Dead. Like these wounds will never heel.Ā
This is me on my way home. I made it home, guys. I made it.
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