GEMMA CHAN | FORTY-THREE | CISFEMALE. welcome to san francisco, GISELE ZHOU! just to make sure, you go by SHE/HER, right? okay, great. i just have a few questions for you before i can let you go.. how long have you been here for? TEN YEARS. where are you currently living? MARINA DISTRICT. what’s your current occupation? ARTISTIC DIRECTOR at/of SAN FRANCISCO BALLET but what’s your dream occupation? SHE HAS LIVED HER DREAM, BUT IT WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM HER. wow! interesting. is there a secret that we can keep between you and i? SHE HAS NOT SPOKEN TO HER MOTHER SINCE SHE TURNED EIGHTEEN. lastly, this is a bit of a random question but … what’s your favorite song? GODDESS by BANKS & that’s all they wrote, friend! we can’t wait to see you around the golden city! LOVED BY MEL.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"In a world that wants women to whisper, I choose to yell." — Luvvie Ajayi.
Gisele Zhou was an other from the very moment she was born, despite the years that she's spent trying to deny it. Somehow, some way, in her mind if she throws just the right sum of money at it -- her past will disappear into the void. It is certainly not the case as she will never not be from London, England, the daughter of a single mother who cleaned houses of some of the richest people in the city. Despite her multiple assignments, Rebecca Zhou struggled to keep both herself and her daughter above water, floundering in water bills, phone bills, private schooling. It was also her mother who put Gisele in her very first dance class: insisting that a girl needs something to give her a purpose. As much as Gisele and her mother got along at times as well as oil and water -- the six year old complied. She didn't know just how much she'd lose herself in the art form, spending countless hours manufacturing her craft until every single step, every single turn was picture perfect.
She had barely set foot into her teen years when people began to notice her potential as a dancer -- teachers subconsciously acknowledging her and spending every single waking moment outside of her lesson time working with the young woman. Perhaps something that Gisele did not understand at the time was that she had been born with a gift. Even if she was publicly recognized as the best of the best, the next generation of ballet, never once did she let that get to her head. The young woman remained kind and gentle, well, to everyone but herself. She would never say it out loud -- fearing that those around her would lose faith in her, but she hated the person that she saw in the mirror. Loathed her, actually. While everyone else fawned over her -- she never understood it. Even if she had dozens of people telling her how good she was, how beautiful she was, she could never truly hear it in her own mind. This hasn't changed, even at the tender age of forty-three.
Her world would be rocked as she knew it, however, when at the age of fifteen -- her mother replaced the door of their home with one that revolved, various men from different walks of life wandering in and out as they pleased. Many of them were there one night and gone before Gisele could even blink. It was a reality that she became used to for a while, knowing that her mother had spent years putting her first instead of herself. That is, until a man by the name of Isaac Foster made his appearance. Once. Than twice. By the time Gisele caught him stumbling out the door in the middle of the night for a third time, she knew something was up. Behind closed doors -- Isaac was a drunk. Not only that, but he soon began to show his true colors when be became physically violent with both Gisele and her mother. Giselle fought for her mother to realize just how terrible things had gotten, how truly cruel he could be, but she had become so used to accepting his apologies and beginning the cycle all over again. Shortly after Gisele's eighteenth birthday, with significant planning -- Gisele got out. Armed with an acceptance letter to Julliard and with a place to stay at her grandmothers, Gisele was ready to begin a new life, the one she deserved.
Graduation came quickly -- once just a speck on the horizon but now a blistering reality. The next chapter was uncertain for a couple years, until it was secured again thanks to a successful audition to the Paris Opera Ballet. Despite building a promenant career in Europe, she never called her mother. A foundation was built before quickly being torn down after a career ending injury occurred in rehearsal before she was set to perform in one of the biggest roles in her life. If only her partner hadn't fucking hesitated. Embarrassed, heartbroken and ruined -- Gisele left Paris behind her, uncertain once more before finally settling in San Francisco shortly after taking another overwhelming blow -- she would never be able to bring children of her own into the world. It was a blow she still doesn't know how to take, wanting desperately to give a child a better home than she ever had. Even still, she keeps up appearances for the sake of her already spiraling reputation: desperate to make something of herself.
HEADCANONS
Joined the staff of the San Francisco Ballet seven years ago. It is no secret that she loves working with her dancers, but it's even less of a secret that she is a strict teacher.
After living in an apartment building that appeared to barely be keeping itself together -- Gisele moved into her place in the Marina District about six years ago. It's the closest thing she's ever felt to home.
Most frequently can be found in the studio ( it's been that way her whole life -- both when she was a dancer and one of the creatives ), but will occasionally be found at a bar alone, rummaging through the shelves of one of San Francisco's bookstores or exploring any of the natural lands.
Her kindness can often be offset by a blinding sense of perfectionism, but she truly means well. If you have managed to get past her walls: she will go to the ends of the earth for you. When she loves, she loves hard.
Very often will put others first before herself.
MORE TO COME.
PLAYLIST
Overdrive - Maggie Rogers
Family Line - Conan Gray
Chaotic - Tate Mcrae
Wake Up - EDEN
Everything to Everyone - Renee Rapp
You Missed My Heart - Phoebe Bridgers
Oblivion - Bastille
Doomsday - Lizzy Mcalpine
Carmen - Lana Del Rey
Killer Queen - Queen
You Don't Own Me - SAYGRACE
Monsters - Ruelle
Mount Everest - Labrinth
WANTED CONNECTIONS
Coworkers
Friends
Roommate
Love Interest
Friends with Benifits
Exes
Any! I'm flexible and ready to right lots of super awesome stuff with you all.
** Connections page will be coming soon - when I'm not being a lazy little shit.
Why did everyone have to get particularly wound up over the holiday season? It didn’t have to be so stressful and yet everyone made it that way for themselves. While this wouldn’t have mattered to Yanmei one bit, people had the tendency to make it the problem of everyone else around them as well. How grating.
They pushed through the door of the coffee shop needing another boost and meandered through the gathering crowd inside. A stream of a slow sigh was breathed out their nose, they should’ve settled with the coffee at work as it was approaching a peak busy hour.
At least Yanmei had eked by and managed to get in their order before a gaggle of students strolled through the door. They could see the exit, they were so close just a few more steps and they could reach out for the door, and-
Yanmei spun on their heel, eyes narrowing at whomever was clumsy enough to barge right into them.
“Evidently,” they snapped. “I’m fine.” Fortunately their drink didn’t spill, then they’d be far from ‘fine’. “You can astral project yourself away after you’ve exited the store.” They held the door open and motioned for the stranger to leave first lest they were bumped into a second time. “Don’t tell me you too are caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays,” they sighed. “As is everyone else."
𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 to be met with such destain, considering that she had been able to stop the drink from spilling -- she certainly wasn't entirely surprised. And while Gisele Zhou was on the more mild-mannered side, she certainly wasn't going to take such fighting words lying down.
Gisele was anything but a doormat.
It seemed like everyone in San Francisco had somewhere to be, sometimes forgetting that others were in a similar position. So, maybe there was some understanding for their words. Even still, Gisele didn't have much time for understanding. She had been running at the bitter end of her patience, burning the candle at both ends, as some might have called it.
The people she had known in her life who weaponized such bitter glances and rude tones ordinarily had something to hide and not that she ever wanted to assume, were ordinarily insecure. It's usually this reminder that keeps her grounded, acting like the bigger person in such an instance. Especially when her action was nothing more than a simple accident.
"Glad to hear it." She speaks, face remaining serious as she makes her way out the door. "Teens and their unawareness.. pushing and shoving. I thought this was a coffee shop, not a wrestling match."
Jordan was lucky to have found Gisele when he did. He had a strained relationship with his own mother after finding out that he was the product of an affair. He went off on his own, deciding that he didn’t need any family to get him to where he was going. While he was right in his thought process, having Gisele there to lean on was more helpful than he was willing to admit. “I know, I suck at communication.” That was one truth about himself that he could acknowledge, he did not know how to communicate about anything good or bad. He just stayed inside his own head most the of the time. “Lots of things.” He cleared his throat, “I miss my own bed, girls here are less desperate and much hotter, I just feel more comfortable being where I grew up than being anywhere else.”
𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐄 of knowing Jordan since he was a teen -- still growing into himself and finding his place in the world. Perhaps it had been exactly that very reason why they were thrown into each other's orbit, during a time when they had both felt completely alone. "Yes, you do. Clearly." Gisele spoke in a teasing manner, simply asking that he would just change that. Even if it was just every once in a while. Even if Gisele had always been a more reserved individual, the pride she felt as she watched Jordan grow was bigger than any emotion she had ever known. Girls are less desperate. The statement caused Gisele to raise his eyebrow at the gaul he had. Regardless, she knew it was better to leave well enough alone. "I can understand that.. you never forget where you came from, right?" As much as Gisele tried, she could never truly escape her past in London.. even if San Fransisco had become more of a home than it ever was. "How would you feel about a coffee? For old times sake. On me. We have a lot to talk about."
anyone that past by could tell that the little girl was excited - she was about to go see ballerinas and one of the characters had the same name. after tess’ week with the girl was ultimately cancelled due to the child’s schedule, she had been upset and felt like she’d missed out. there was a tendency for tess to overreact and it had the woman in somewhat of a spin, where she was lashing out at the couple when thinking they were doing it on purpose or they weren’t advocating for her enough. however, they had made an effort, just as she’d made an effort to squeeze in an extra therapist appointment, that she insisted on paying. she was worried that her minor meltdown had ruined her chances but they trusted her enough to let clara go with her for a christmas production. theresa was just excited because she was able to spend some time with her.
she’d never seen the girl so wide-eyed as she looked at everyone collecting drinks and reuniting with their friends so that they could take their seats shortly after. “wow, she looks amazing!” the little girl expressed, mouth dropping. tess couldn’t help but chuckle and nodded towards the other woman. “you’re right, clara.” she placed her hands on clara’s shoulders. “it’s her first time at a ballet. she’s a little excited, as am i.”
𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐒 certainly overwhelming for Gisele -- eyes turning to her to put on a ballet that was better than the last, this year she believed she had truly outdone herself. Countless hours in the studio may have resulted in her social life being even more non-existant than it already was, but the smile she was noticing on the young girls face nearby certainly made it all worth it. Christmas joy, there were times when the former dancer wondered it she could have captured it in a bottle. Especially when there were times where she forgot how to feel, forgot how to live. Her world had dramatically shifted from the moment that her body had hit the floor, resulting in her career-ending injury. With the blossom of her new one came a lot of uncertainty and fear. She was doing a good job, wasn’t she? But the moment that the lights went down and the rest of the world faded away, something in her body relaxed and for the first time in months, she was finally at ease. When the time came and the show began, she was no longer herself, no longer in her own body. The ballet was transendent.
Following the first half as the lights rose again and Gisele caught her breath, the woman's mind was at first overwhelmed by the crescendo of voices around her. That is, until she could make out the sound of the young girl's voice, turning to her and her mother -- who appeared just as jubilant as her daughter. The compliment was taken with a gentle smile. Following a pang of reminder that she would likely never have children of her own, the compliment filled her with a warmth she had forgotten she could feel. "Your first time?" She asked the young girl with an excited tone that matched her smile. "And your name is Clara? How fitting. I'll tell you what..." Her eyes turned back to her mother. "I would love to introduce you to the dancer playing our Clara. If it's okay with your mama, of course." Of course she knew she'd need to give an explanation about how she could offer such connections. "I helped put this ballet together."
𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁: @goldencitystarters ( 0/? )
𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽: SOME COFFEE SHOP
𝐀𝐇, 𝐍𝐔𝐓𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍. 𝐈𝐓 was the best of times and the worst of times for the overworked woman, trying her hardest to keep herself afloat by running on coffee and a prayer. Today after acquiring her first ( maybe second? ) latte of the day -- her eyes scanned across the coffee shop as she made her way for the door, not realizing she would collide with someone. Thank god neither drink didn't spill. "My goodness.. I'm so, so sorry, darling. Are you alright? I must have been in another universe.."
𝙲𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁: ALI + GISELE ( @vanescos )
𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽: TWIN PEAKS
𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 a history of being forward, being openly flirtatious with someone so easily. However, after meeting Ali she couldn't deny her attraction to the other woman, all the while simply enjoying her company. When Gisele was outdoors, exploring the world that was practically in her very own backyard ( or, at least -- that's what she told herself. She had lost her chance to see the world a long time ago ), she finally felt free. Unburdened from the responsibilities that the world kept placing on her shoulders day after day. Not once wondering how her mother was doing or how things would have been different. All she was simply focused on was the breeze on her face and the bray of her heartbeat in her ears. And of course, the company that she was keeping.
Twin Peaks was one of the things keeping Gisele tethered to this city, the beauty of it never ceasing after ten years. Of course she had Jordan who she'd go to the ends of the earth for and in between her busy lifestyle, she had somehow managed to make a couple friends. However, the voids that plagued the woman's life would certainly not go unnoticed, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. Armed with a backpack, she turns to Ali once they finally reach the top. "Look at this.." Gisele turned to the other with a gentle grin, reaching in her the bag she carried on her back for a water bottle before holding it out to the other. "Water?"
𝙲𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁: JAG + GISELE ( @jagmorales )
𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽: DNA LOUNGE
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐃 not quite know what brought her out of her place tonight -- but she found herself here somehow, some way. Fingers grazed the glass that held her drink of choice for the night, leaning up against the bar rather aimlessly as her eyes traveled around the room. Gisele has chosen the corner for a reason, allowing her to be shielded by the collection of bodies and to be as antisocial as they come. Perhaps one of the reasons why she joined the crowd tonight was for the people watching, wondering what stories their appearances all told. That is, until her eyes locked with another woman from across the bar. Gisele doesn't know what it is that causes her to choose her, but she isn't standing too far away. And so, the woman moves just a little bit closer so she can be within earshot of the other.
"Busy night, isn't it?" Gisele laughs, shaking her head. She had been told that she stuck out in the lounge like a sore thumb, but she certainly didn't mind. It was true, Gisele was normally found in the comfort of her own home rather than staring down the bottom of a glass in an unfamiliar bar. There was a live musician on the stage on this particular evening, still not enough to hold the attention of some. Even still, she wasn't one to deny talent. Especially when she was an artist herself. "Or is this place always this crowded? I certainly would not know."
“Hey ma.” Jordan smiles at her. Since having issues with his own mother as a teenager, Gisele was someone that he could lean on when he needed it. He had referred to her as ‘Ma’ for as long as he could remember. “I was going to call you, I swear.” He tried defending himself, before even giving her the chance to give him shit about being home without any communication between the two of them. He took the water from her and drank it down as if he hadn’t drank anything in days. Looking back at her now, still breathing heavily. “I’m actually gonna be home a lot more now.”
𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 to San Francisco just a little over a decade ago -- the woman was riddled with uncertainty. Starting over in a new place had brought an overwhelming amount of doubt and fear. That is, until she had met Jordan. She herself didn't have any children, despite wanting them. He was the closest thing she had to a son. To hear the words that he would be home for a while ignite a smile she knows she cannot hide. It had been so long since things were like that. "I'm just.. glad your home." She says, the realization that he is standing in front of her slowly setting in. "Lets just change that next time, okay? You'd be surprised, but people miss hearing from you." The woman's arms cross across her chest as she listens, raising an eyebrow. "Oh?" She asks. "What's keeping you here?"
He was pleasantly surprised to see that the young woman even knew the play let alone and could even quote it. He decided then and there that it was sometimes worth it to recite his lines out loud.
Rigel grinned. “That’s right; very good! I’m most impressed. I think that’s perhaps my most favourite section in all of the play. It seems to me to embody the important messages and in such vivid fashion... It’s nice to see that the play sticks with people. I’m hoping that’s what will happen with the students I’m helping and the audience they perform it to. And since you know of it, perhaps you’d like to come and see it? The show isn’t until January, mind you, and please tell me to shove off if you’re not interested. I won’t be offended.”
𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 along well with the artists of the world -- Rigel being one of them. Wether a fellow dancer, a painter, a musician and in his case an actor, there was an unspoken understanding that never seemed to go unnoticed. Art always brought Gisele a sense of comfort as a child, even if the art form that had chosen her had ripped her to pieces before she barely turned thirteen and built her back up again as the years went by. She remembered reading book after book, losing herself in script after script out of not just enjoyment, but as a form of escapism. Perhaps thats why she remembers so many lines like those, ones that reminded her to keep treading forward.
"I adore it.. writing like that it certainly straight from the heart, doesn't it?" The woman's smile grew, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and shuffling the book underneath her arm. "The endurance of man. That while we have our own experiences.. we are but one entity on this earth." As he mentioned the production, Gisele's eyes certainly lit up. She had not been to the theatre in such a long time, mainly due to her own conflicts and her subconscious inability to give herself a single moment to breathe. However, perhaps going to support someone who shared such sentimants would give her the opprotunity too. She could be away from the ballet, couldn't she? "I would simply love that." The woman flashes him a gentle smile, finally taking a seat not too far away. "I have always loved the theatre.. it's like another world, isn't it?"
open : @goldencitystarters
location : lands end
time : morning
Jordan wiped the sweat from his face as he leaned against the nearest rock, breathing heavily. He was known for pushing himself during workouts, but not usually during hockey season. With not having been home for at least a few weeks, it was hard to fall back into his routine here which is what led him to the trails here. He had lost track of his morning while running, so much that the sun was almost completely overhead now when he had started this exercise while it was dark out. Lifting his head up, he noticed that he was wasn’t alone. He pushed himself off the rock, still breathing rather loudly. “You happen to have anything to drink on you?”
𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 are fully aware of her love for all things nature -- especially the trails. It brought her a sense of comfort in her otherwise chaotic days. Her adventures are usually uneventful, but today she found herself staring at a face she didn't expect: Jordan Baker. The woman had not heard he was in town, having last seen him on the television far across the country. Since she had known him, he had been someone that she cared for dearly. The more his career grew, she had continued to support him without fail. Perhaps the irony of the situation that she was carrying a nearly empty water bottle in her hand as she headed back in the direction of her car. "Jordan Baker." The former dancer smiles, pulling an extra from her pack and holding it out to him. "Welcome back."
One of Rigel’s favourite places to go was Alamo Square. It wasn’t too far from his home and he loved the coloured houses, the atmosphere of the park, and the tranquility it brought him as he sat under the shade of the trees with a book during the summer. It was cooler now, but Rigel still enjoyed it. Today he’d brought along his script for the production of ‘An Inspector Calls’ he was helping a local drama group put on. They were only in the first week of rehearsals, but the buzz the group already had was contagious for Rigel and he wanted this show to be absolutely perfect.
He’d found an empty bench under a tree with a good view of the painted ladies, so set down his bag by his feet, pulled out the script and a pen, and got to work on annotating it. The fresh air had already got his mind working and coming up with new ideas of how to approach the play. Throughout his life, Rigel always found it best to speak aloud when practicing lines and without quite realising it he was doing so now, unaware that people might be watching.
𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 she did, knowing that each day she was still able to remain connected to dance was a gift -- there were certain days where it felt like the studio walls were sinking in. Today was one of those days, it seemed. The Christmas season was always a whirlwind, trying to put the pieces together for this year's cast of The Nutcracker as fast as the breeze blew through the Square she was positioned in. She too was searching for a seat with a book in hand -- a well-loved collection of works by F. Scott Fitzgerald when she heard the sound of another's voice. While she does not want to disturb him, Gisele is familiar with the material and cannot conceal her passion. "We don’t live alone..." She speaks, reciting a familiar line from act three. "....We are members of one body. We are responsible for each other. And I tell you that the time will soon come when if men will not learn that lesson, then they will be taught it in fire and blood and anguish." It was a quote that had stuck with her in her days since reading the script for the very first time. "An Inspector Calls, no? If I am wrong, that would certainly be quite embarrassing."
Genevieve ran her fingers gingerly over the shelves of books. They’d received a new shipment just this morning and she’d yet to organize them all. In her personal space, Gen thrived on chaos. Her room was an amalgamation of torn papers featuring half discarded doodles and piles of books she’d yet to read, but in her professional life, Genevieve craved organization. She needed things to remain in their own spaces, which wasn’t always feasible in a space so controlled by patrons. Sighing, the bookshop clerk slipped a novel into its appropriately alphabetical space and glanced over her shoulder. “Feel free to browse,” she commented. “If there’s anything you need, I’m happy to assist.”
𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐓 peace in any of San Francisco's collection of bookstores -- sifting through the titles with not a single expectation from a superior. It was a great reminder to take pause, to not forget that she was a human being living amongst a collection of other human beings. Of course within minutes her arms were full -- certainly excited to get home and lose herself in every single one of the titles that she had acquired. However, one seemed to elude her. It had been then that her gaze connected with the other woman from not too far away. For a moment the former dancer questioned who she was, trying her hardest to avoid the potential for embarrassment if she hadn't been an employee. The statement from the other causes Gisele to ease -- slowly wandering over so that she could be heard without disturbing the other patrons. "I did have an inquiry, if you'd be so kind." She spoke, adjusting her arms to better hold the novels she had chosen. "I'm looking for a particular collection of poetry.. John Keats. It's alright if it is not here.. it doesn't hurt to ask, I suppose."
