i cant read

a fleeting burst of wind in a bottlebrush tree

[scrylirious]

are you still alive, please say yes.

yes! i ran into an unfortunate series of obstacles (contributing to society, maintaining a career, briefly falling out of love with writing) but i have somehow found myself back here. i’m a salmon inexplicably returning to the place of my birth.

i’m so sorry to everyone who was holding on to my bloated and abandoned corpse here. i am green with gratitude.

[scrylirious]

i rise.

[scrylirious]

the jason todd and pride and prejudice thing is corny.

you can use it against me in court for all i care. i think it’s an overdone and unremarkable character reference.

12 year old jason todd was scaring himself shitless with the 80s cocaine-infused stephen king paperbacks going unmonitored at the local library. he was keeping himself up at night reading about dead danny knocking on mark’s window in the middle of the night in salem’s lot and hanratty the bull coming back from the dead in pet semetary (which also directly influenced his taste in music— “hey ho! let’s go!”)

this was a kid from below the poverty line living in the most dangerous neighborhood in gotham left unmonitored after school. he was getting kicked out of his local underfunded library before closing each day because he was hiding from his abusive asshole father and addict mother. my boy was NOT perusing the romance shelf for 18th century english novelists.

this was a kid reading jack ketchum, ray bradbury, philip k dick and having a blast doing it. he couldn’t get enough of the pulpy and provocative garbage richard matheson put out between writing twilight zone episodes. hell house kept him up for weeks. he was sneaking chapters of a clockwork orange in between classes. the haunted carrousel that turns mr. dark into a corpse at the end of something wicked this way comes instilled a fear of things that spin too quickly and of growing up. he was reading through frank herbert’s dune series during stakeouts with bruce and trying to explain that leto II’s transformation into a sandworm in god emperor of dune was not only an allegory of human society but also just real fucking gross. he got halfway through anne rice’s vampire chronicles before tapping out at memnoch the devil; ghosts, televangelists, and the weird depictions of heaven and hell just weren’t sitting right with a catholic kid, but lestat’s triumphant leather pants and altruistic nature were entertaining. Jason named his 6th grade goldfish after claudia, who, in a spirit of irony, died a year in.

i’m just not convinced that an asshole kid raised by absentee flea-bitten parents and the theological horrors of the catholic church was looking to read 18th century romances. even if you want to argue that he was a savant of high literature, my boy was reading dracula, the count of monte cristo, we have always lived in the castle, the hunchback of notre dame— the type of gothic-horror and sci-fi my asshole older brothers were reading as teens. they used to write down the words they didn’t know on a piece of paper (lugubrious, chicanery, refulgent) and google the definitions. sometimes they’d make me guess what each word meant and erupt into hysterics when i guessed wrong (heavy? a type of chicken? the pump thingy at the gas station?)

anyway, jason todd was not a highbrow jane austen afficiendo but a little 12 year old twerp hiding inside of his local library and reading through the garbage sci-fi and classic horror he had unsupervised access to. he wanted to consume the pains and aches and horrors of monsters, killers, drugs, sex, poverty, without having to look it in the eye in his day-to-day life and i’m giving the vaguest shrug at anyone who wants to argue.

[scrylirious]

you want to know if i think jason todd is worthy of being loved and hated in equal measure, because to love him blindly would rob him of his purpose as a creature too full of sacriliage to be returned to his place at batman’s side and to hate him would be to vilify a hurt kid too desperate for validation to be a villain?? you want to know if i think he’s forever caught in this dark place, hinging on villainy and cusping into sainthood?? you want to know if i imagine him as the mahogany wood pulpit at the head of my childhood church and i am wracked with catholic guilt before him?? you want to ask me if i find him a saint, yet you don’t want to acknowledge that the saints were once sinners, and even peter denied christ three times?? you want me to explain a concept as abstract as human nature and the blurry line between what’s good and what’s worthy of being shunned?? you want to know if jason todd is capable of being both the effigy and the sacrifice?? what are you, a cop? come back with a fucking warrent if you want to know.

[dadwilder]

Shot by @dadwilder

[medievaljournalist]

basically the whole bible happens to me daily

[scrylirious]

sending this ask to hype you up until you feel braving enough to write timjay. I Would Like To See It

when i said i needed someone to hype me up, i didn’t mean you. you actually have the power to make me do it. sometimes i lay awake at night and wonder if likerubies knows that i dip my quill into my ink pot before the fire and transcribe my batman fics like a medieval scribe scratching out religious tomes with the conviction of having just been visited by the haunting aura of an angel. i am but a pathetic author. you are my personal seraphim.

in all seriousness, timjay is unfairly daunting. is it embarrassing to admit defeat? probably. am i too proud to give into defeat? unfortunately. i’ve already spent this morning writing 500 words of timjay. your name and influence is all over it.

friends, place your thoughts and headcanons concerning timjay/jaytim below. i am a novice and i need my hand held through this trying undertaking.

[ky-landfill]

I can hear you overthinking from here, Boy Wonder…

[spiritofthemeadow]

ig

[scrylirious]

readiing the tillamook burn for the second time now and i've just finished chapter 3 !! this isnt even a question but i just wanted to say im in LOVE with your writing as much as i am with dick grayson, and honestly your whole, like, character study (backstory, reasoning behind his weird sexual want to fuck everything out) has just. made me want to curl up in a ball. thankyou. <3

for a second time?? god you are a damn hero.

writing dick’s backstory started out as just a fun little character study, but it’s definitely grown into its own beast. he has some complex intricacies that get overlooked a lot by comic writers, so i very much feel like fic writers are doing god’s work by exploring his backstory and giving him some more substance. sexual urges, anger issues, failing self-worth, etc. he’s like a bucket. we can fill this fucker to the top with so many issues.

i could talk about dick grayson for an eternity. we don’t need that.

thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me about my fic!! i hope you enjoy the next chapter (whenever it is posted, god willing)

[scrylirious]

i adore ur dickjay fics!! you’re one of the best writers i’ve ever read. every word you write is so beautifully crafted and it makes me insane!! thank you so much for sharing them and i’m soooo excited for anything else you have in store 👀

thank you!!! i am weepy and lousy with gratitude!! dickjay is my lantern and i am a moth beating myself senseless against it.

i have lots in store, unfortunately. i’m sisyphus rolling the boulder. i keep thinking i’m getting over the hill, and then i get hit with an astounding amount of emotions for dickjay and i go rolling back down helplessly, legs and arms in the air. i have two abo oneshots in the works (jason’s pov) and another two super secretive longer things i’ve been daydreaming about (jason’s pov again because i am a degenerate) and a pipe dream that may or may not involve timjay. i’m scared about that one. tim is the mina to my dracula in the sense that he haunts me and i want to kill him. i need someone to hype me up enough that i actually feel brave enough to write timjay.

[valtsv]

saw a corpse in a lab today and thought of you

that was me saying hi

[sslumibo]

I have to put this off for a bit but here's more Jason (I love drawing him sm its addicting)

[scrylirious]

The tillamook burn is 👌👌👌 so good. There’s such a flayed skinless feeling about it I love it

god thank you so much!! i would love to kiss you gently on the back of the hand, but alas, we are two ships in the night.

flayed skinless feeling is the exact feeling i was going for, yes absolutely. thank you so much for giving a brilliant description for the vibe i yearn for. the next chapter should come out fairly soon if i can get my act together 😪

[scrylirious]

Hi, I read your fic "The Tillamook Burn". Your writing haunts me. I feel unsafe. The way you describe things is so beautiful. Your Jason Todd scares me. Somehow, your Dick Grayson scares me more. I want them to be happy together, but I need them to bite each other. I want to eat your words. The fight in ch. 2 made me pause to tuck my feet in under the covers out of fear. Dick describing Jason as a creature. Zofia describing Jason as Dick's dearest one. My nerves are on fire. Thank you for writing. I really enjoyed it.

oh wow damn thank you so much, genuinely. you yourself write beautifully judging by this ask.

i love to scare people. i want to write fear in excess until it’s soaking the story. it’s like slathering grotesque amounts of butter onto a slice of hot toast. is it necessary? no. is it possibly a disservice to the bread to hide its vibes and own attributes under the overwhelming spotlight given to the butter? yes.

what am i talking about.

i want a gotham that’s scary and laden with corners. i want the atmosphere itself to crackle and boom with ozone and smog and electricity.

i want a jason todd that toes the line between born-right and died-wrong. i want a jason todd that licks his teeth and cringes at how sharp they’ve become. i want a jason todd who can’t recognize his fingers, who still has dreams of being 5’6” and cant reconcile with it when he wakes up, who is so hungry and hurt and afraid that he snaps his jowls at the only hands that ever loved him.

i want a dick grayson who can’t figure things out and it makes him dangerous. i want a dick grayson who pries open his chest and unplugs his heart from the arteries and veins around it just to offer it to the first person he decides deserves it most. i want a dick grayson who bucks and kicks and chafes, only to come crawling back angrier and sadder and less.

happy together, yes. bite each other, YES. i’m glad you enjoyed the fight. i’m sorry that it scared you. i hope to scare you some more.

[sentimentalbeing2001]

[cyborgghost]

tragic fictional siblings... save me...

tragic fictional siblings

save me tragic fictional siblings