Stay Elegant no matter what... @glamorous-unicornbrain - Tumblr Blog

DISCOVERY.

As i sit in my room alone at 12;11 am on a tuesday night10/16/2019,i realize how alone i really am. I also realize how attached i am to others and how i let my happiness and peace of mind be controlled by those around me. I know that they have no intentions of making me feel this way, i realize that it is my own attachment that has brought me this agony.

Not being able to meet my best friend for along time has brought me much agony. She has no control over the situation either, but i am ever so upset as last week i was sick severely and we could’nt meet and now this week due to her being preoccupied with her niece we might not be able to.

Then theres the Thursdays plans that seem to get cancelled aswell as my friends sister has to get her chemo meds so she has to take care of her nephew, which might mean that i might not be able to meet a dear friend who came to SL from nepal after one year.

It is none of their faults that i feel this way,rather my own. For as ive explained before, my ideas of fun and happiness is wrapped around them. But is it so bad for me to want something to go my way? Just something!

I feel as tho internally im facing some sort of depression as i am feeling so alone and sad..eventhouh i know my parents love me immensely and that i have friends who love me aswell. But i just want to go out and have some fun with my friends and why am i not deserving enough to have such a time..

Ever since the breakup, Ive been going through these phases of just feeling so down and lost, and then some other times when i feel alright and happy. It just sucks because eventhough i know that i deserve better and that i did ignore the red flags, i still do miss wht we had because it was fun and i was genuinely happy for 8 months. i must admit that i did have a few doubts here and there about the measures of how much he cared for me beacuse he didnt show anything much, but i shouldnt give him excuses for that. If a Guy truly likes you, he will make sure to show that, and the reason he didnt show it to me is because he just wasnt that into me. It is a sad discovery but i think it is the reality.

Sometimes i wish i had a sibling because then i wouldnt feel this alone...

(12.23am)

Broken; unable to fathom that my love was so easy for him to let go of.. so easy for him to forget.. meant nothing to him that he didnt even want to put in any effort to make a few changes within, to contribute to what we had.. he made me question as to why he didnt want to save what we had.. was i not deserving of the immense love, care and affection i put forward to be reciprocated? i cannot believe that he made me question my worth.. i am resentful at myself for being this way but the pain is too muh that i just cant help myself.

Blindsided; expressing what bothered me, got me broken up with. the unbearable tightness of the chest followed the countless gallons of tears which strolled through, down my cheeks, continuously.. as i was blindsided by the man i loved.

The Sky

As I strolled across the sandy path, quite a distance to walk I’d say,

I found myself just looking up, couldn’t keep my eyes away.

From the deep hues of color.. blue mostly at first

As the time passed by, it turned pink , then red, robust.

My pace slowed down as i didn’t want to trip,

While walking down, dazed, with my head held up.

Had some music in my ears, listening to ‘what a wonderful world,

And for the first time in a long time, it all felt real..natural.

With the wind blowing through my hair, and a smile drawn across my face,

I ended my stroll; slow, feeling nothing but a calm embrace.

Questions

i find myself Craving someone..

is it their attention? could be so. i feel like i have so much love to offer to this world.. to my partner for instance.. i feel like i would cross oceans and go to the moon and collect stars for that person. But it wont be so for just anyone.. its has to be someone special.

and yes, ive found someone i have something special with.. great sexual chemistry.. but will that be enough in the long run.. and will there be a long run for me with him..?

i told myself i wont get attached when i started this..especially since i knew he had not been in a serious relationship before. So wanted my mind to keep it fun, keep it sexy and just enjoy my time with him.

But now i find myself in a very disagreeing situation to myself and my mentality as i have clearly gotten attached. and i dont think hes as attached to me as i am.. and that kinda hurts!

The Mind

Sometimes, i find myself overthinking.

Overthinking about life, overthinking about overthinking, and i question myself..am i just referring to my normal thinking as me overthinking..

How does one refrain from overthinking? or thinking all together.

#mindofanoverthinker #howdoistop

purplebuddhaquotes

I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved.

Jewel Kilcher

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

<3

purplebuddhaquotes

They simply never understand, do they, that sometimes solitude is one of the most beautiful things on earth?

Charles Bukowski (via purplebuddhaquotes)

I guess we say that we got that sunshine in our pockets to brighten up others, cus we know how dark it can get when we get sad, and we don't want anyone else to feel that way

Realization;

1:58am Tuesday 21/08/18

I’ve come across a sudden realization. As i was helping my very close friend out of an emotional situation where he felt completely used and heartbroken, i was trying to understand why amazing people always have to go through shit like that. It made me angry as to why i couldn't have done anything to make it better. i remembered situations where i felt the same way as well. Used for my friendship, discarded as an empty can. why do people have no regard and appreciation towards those who help them out. Makes me question humanity as whole! Then i remembered my absolute best friend, a rose among thorns, an angel among a crowd of Satans.

i realized

this world is full of monsters, assholes who will do you wrong, shrewd idiots who will try to make use of you and make you question your faith and general sense of goodwill. Don’t let those people get to you. They’re not worth your tears or your thoughts. The only ones who deserve you are the amazing, caring people who’ll always be for you. Don’t change who you’re for asshole.

be the reason why people believe in anything good in the world.

My Best friend made me realize it.

2:08am