[gldgod]

that typa track , when you play that make me wanna bite back , with the buzz 'n' the beat , flip 'n' repeat , muzzled won't stop 'til it's back on top , all flak , shot smack cripple cropped the circle 'til it purpled hurtled down this throat triple , wrapped 'n' grappled heart , white walls rattled , prattle arrested , chest-to-chest compressed ask for what's next , after guts pass you don't want to know this intimate just animal imitate , antler wishboned so you can go home , free loan , bigger piece between your teeth , kill released clean sheets 'n' your swill sweet , faultless after all this , why keep huntin' this mutt if there's nothin' more you want than some trick stunt from a fool tool , blunt bolt when the whet's dull , defunct cajole against your own incorrigible

[gldgod]

how do you worship someone without touch , without slipping into skin , when she walks into the room , when i'm falling into her eyes , off the top of my tongue , i ask how can love be so big , and so intangible . i'm at your feet , feel my head , this is more than body , it's photosynthetic , it's the sun feeding its wild , i'm spilling out solar , churn me into sugar , sweet , sweet , nourishment . it's not the ravishing in heated night , it's the blatant blooming , my heart pluming , yearning to pour over you in light , saying , grow , my love . grow and bless this earth , the same way you planted stars in my eyes , each time i look at you , each time you moved in me without ever laying a finger on this electric flesh .

[gldgod]

dug out the mines , it's sublime droppin' the subliminal , crept steps inept percept-ions , expect-ions except-ions , every time the door blew open you flew upon us , spoken something honest broken promises , on god , what's on this shoulder riding like the storm was ours and you needed safety , dorming in these arms your rage dormant , remorse in-exorbitant warmth performative for your wants tell me once , you understand the pain we've beared , the wounds speared the reason you're leaving pre-grieved , no goodbye , from either side , the mourning-less morning in which peace presided civilians coming out of hiding , into relief

[gldgod]

shoot the clock , it's cocked mouth against the head , head-locked press your face against the pane don't let the pain out , chew the bullets it's just chattering , winter rattling when you're dying , don't let the young see hollow husk over broken down lights zip past , like flashes in the mind pretend you're okay , why cut them too cut tin , curt exit , curtail some desperate desire of normalcy , curtain , it's not fallen yet we're still dancing , frantic , frenzied but only to ourselves , just this life then the next , the next , the next the next , until we're free

[gldgod]

carpet littered white crinkled critters soft and quiet in their fallen sleep lights outside licorice spun around the tree while my mouthed fog fades in and out a dream i cannot wake from in the dark final sparks sputter smatter heart shatter home batter i've lost before but this is a beating fleeting misleading mistreating why keep feeding the biter it's fight or flight or time to cut the tie it's too tiring to love someone who doesn't see the blood fresh just ghost memory tonight i'm dying overdosed on grief maybe tomorrow it'll matter

[gldgod]

lime sun dropped road crags fists thumped air , & the man de-masked at the trespass of death's suggest . he plumed with the breadth god given & though i could not cool his assailment , i breath-ed a prayer so diffuse & inaudible that his heart be held soft in its rock . neither did i want to cradle my self golden - for my limbs drew limp , my mind hazed & my hands weighed the morsel of infinite-ness that spills their self everywhere , fragile steeped in the untouchable . never again would i treat life so light though every fragment of what was is forgiven . there is only the ever-turning now as roads crag on lime lifted , the murky brewing beneath the sky's tongue , our fates twined if not for divine absolve-tion . it is with this tremor-induced love i go on .

[gldgod]

stop all this shoutin' , this screamin' & hollerin' - can't you see we're just here to scuff a little , cry a little , break down this body 'til it's brittle & blowin' away in the wind . if you were me , & i were him , by god you'd see we're all just the same , payin' our dues , colorin' over our blues , lookin' for something eternal when everything slips through the cracks in our hands . it's here - it's here , bigger than all this skin , drop all your mind - when you let go , you'll see you were never even holding on to anything ; you weren't even anything , just the moment , you were just the space between the time .

[gldgod]

god is in the blood , in the soul in every beauty & every terror it's all-permeating , & when i go to sleep at night i surrender i remember that everything is okay & there is no ultimate death only finding our way back home we're going to go home back to where we came from where there is nothing but oneness & peace .

[gldgod]

life is so heavy when we were sitting there all in red the sun beating down on our diamond heads a savior breeze passed between sweat palms our hearts beating as one with every resounding cry , cheer , chuckle i felt my heart sinking in its hammock across my ribs it felt like this moment , this series of moments would be forever etched into my life & it was so sad & so sweet & like the sky could split open & swallow me & it wouldn't feel any different i wanted you near , all the loves of my life & i wanted to say just be with me & we don't have to talk about all the ways we hurt each other , let's just be here , & laugh , & smile with tears in our eyes over how much life beat us up & how many times it made us fall in love enamored with every passing day i hope you know i love you , & still love you even & especially when i don't say it know you are in my heart , always .

[gldgod]

it's the simple things , really the sun setting , casting the backyard green & orange & yellow . it's good music playing in the moonlight , it's watching tv on the couch with the people you love . it's loving your reflection , oil bubbling in the pan , a smile given away . life is hard , but it is also beautiful - & i know i'll try to get better every day at recognizing that , & holding it inside me . holding it until i can look at the world , & look at myself , & know that i have enough love - & the world has enough love - to carry me through .

[gldgod]

tonight i'm blinded by the moonlight . the night blows in through the open window & maybe i could scrape off all this stardust - i blazed so far , & all i wanted is to sleep somewhere safe , & loved . i know i want so badly to escape i thought i could get free this time , i thought i could go somewhere new find someone else to love , but i'm just here . here , again , & again . one day i'll get there , it's as close as the moon - just wait for me .

[gldgod]

We're gonna make it.

We're gonna make it.

But this moment is gonna take forever.

So let's take forever.

[gldgod]

miss baby blue there's a world out there for you i know i never was ready & maybe neither were you but you starbursted this boy's heart & that has been more than enough i know magic & love still exist it's in the tongues , the eyes the stupid , beautiful things we say & do & how i'd never make this into something it isn't but for little moments i loved you the way the ocean loves its pearls crawling out to the beach to leave them gifted in sand

[gldgod]

i've seen this sunset a million times but i don't think this neighborhood street ever looked so quiet . this orange light's my green one , steel lollipop glowing across the yard . feels like the heart of childhood - & there's one star in the sky that's soon to slumber , & i just stand here from the kitchen window , trying to reconcile the pull of memory & the pull of escape into somewhere where nothing knows my name , except the head on this body . the dusk falls so quickly , & when there is no one around all i think of is you , & the ticking bomb in my fingers , & wondering if seeing you again would set it off or if i'd rather swallow it than hear your voice again . i know the question , but i'm afraid of the answer , so forgive me if all this dusk does is fill me with longing i'd rather let be than to drop it in anticipation of the shatter .

[gldgod]

we gotta get the hell out of this hometown trade away our old clothes , hope they find some new skin to cling to , tow away the wreckage that night we spun through the rain , headlights whirling , & the way i laughed like god was running through my veins . fuck these woods , these bricks , the field of grass that i'd always drive past to get to your house .

i didn't eat tonight . the lights were too bright in the pizzeria , & dad played songs of the past , & the moment the house went quiet i cried into my hands , because nothing was ever going to be the same again , & i didn't want to come home anymore .

i just hear the echoes of being a thousand miles away trying to let you go , & the letters never replied to , & how springtime just holds the corrupted memory of you , & how i desperately need to write over it something new .

something that proves i can still love , & still be loved , & not just push the edges of this cratered heart further & further . God , i trust You , & my chest heaves in surrender , though my fists still are learning how to unclench , my teeth grit tight to what i know no longer exists .

i'm loyal to the end , & i've accepted that i'll always be the one to be left , but promise me this , that there is still love for me out there . i know there is , & that is why i will still fall asleep tonight , to meet the sun in the morning & try to take it into my bones , my breath like this is the only way i can keep going .

[gldgod]

look for the orange light , & you'll know that i'll be there . from the streetlamp outside my bedroom window , to the salt rock glowing inside , to the lights when the band played my favorite song , & i only knew how to cry - springtime feels awfully like the skin of something between a dream , and a fairytale ; a memory , & the tip of my tongue barely tasting , time . i've ridden in a million cars , seen the sun set from the kitchen a million times more , & i'd never ask to freeze that moment , like an ice cube snapshot that'd never melt , but if it just lingered a little longer than it was meant to , i wouldn't mind . just an extra half second longer for what was only meant to be a second - give me that it's enough .

[gldgod]

breathe . it's like indigo star dust i'm like the orange streetlamp out there in the dark night , & being home just feels like being a child again . it feels like those days i loved you so hard & you loved me back , & those days i slept on the living room couch nursing the heart you inevitably broke . sometimes pain feels good it feels like you're living for something it feels like you're here , & alive , & something actually tried to touch you in the heart , stuck its dumb fingers in & we just cradle it in our mouths like we can't tell the difference between intimacy & nourishment . i had you all in my mouth , & now i spit you out , but it doesn't matter because it was over & i'm just here feeling what lingers so deep in the bedroom carpet when i dig up the dust , but only because night has fallen , & day had eaten my heart out , & it all feels the same & different , & my body knows only to drip this out onto the page , slowly , bittersweetly , acid burning holes between the letters .