Sometimes I feel like a nuisance because I joined the yume community pretty recently (6+ months ago on Telegram, 1+ month ago on here) and immediately started collecting merch, drawing myself n Ray together as soon as I joined, but have never done it before that moment.
I've actually been loving her since 2022, except I don't have any proof, but there will be an explanation post for this later.
When I found out about this community, I was too scared to join it, I was afraid of people judging me or making fun of me for my feelings. I didn't know how it all worked, I was very unsure about interacting with other yumes and I also thought that drawing myself with Ray was cringe, so I just stuck to drawing her alone and that was it. The merch part? Well, how to say, the reason was my jealousy. It was concerning. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else having merch of her, drawing her or even liking her platonically (not to mention romantically). I was sort of just gatekeeping her, so I didn't request anything and sat there, upset and angry about everyone and everything. Even back then, after a while, I did realize that I actually had feelings for her, but I kept it a secret and never told anyone about it. I would only joke about it in group chats with my online friends, but never take it seriously. I thought it was twisted and weird to love a fictional character like that and that I needed help...
But I can promise you, I'm nothing like that anymore :'). I enjoy seeing people acknowledge Ray and make art dedicated to her, it's nice to see how others perceive her. She deserves it, she's amazing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having feelings for a fictional character or having one as your partner, I understood it over time.
I don't want to seem like some annoying, desperate dude who wants to claim the title of Mocha Ray's #1 fan and '100% true real canonical partner' by posting all of their art and merch everywhere they can as proof. I sincerely love her and that's it, there's not that much to it🥹. I don't need those titles to feel valid and neither do I want them. I just want to show my love for her to those who feel the same way about their f/os or simply enjoy seeing my little ways of love-expressing, I'm very thankful for you guys, you are the ones who make me feel like I'm not alone, like I'm a lot more valid.
And to any yume reading this, your f/o loves you, don't doubt it.♡