remember that night we were on call?
you were singing and playing guitar because i insisted you to do so
and i fell asleep.
you were so annoyed, you asked elsa to wake me up. twice.
remember that night we were chatting and then you went missing for 5 hours?
i was so angry, i thought you fell asleep without telling me.
and it turns out that your phone broke down.
remember that night, a year ago, we were having barbecue at my house?
you sat next to me, and we both were teasing raymond because he couldnt make it to the gath.
you were wearing your green t-shirt, i remember how we accidentally switched our glasses, we were laughing when we found out.
remember that night, when we were talking?
we were talking about everything that were crossing our minds.
our hands and legs are intertwined.
i remember how warm yours are, i dont wanna let them go ever.
remember that night, when i suddenly awoke in a middle of the night.
and you were there.
i could went back to sleep just like that.
how comfortable it was to be next to you.
remember that night, when i looked away
and when i stared at you, you were already staring at me?
you smiled. that smile i never forget.
the smile that vibrates my whole heart.
it warms out my heart. it really does.
remember that night you made me fall on purpose?
you were laughing so hard, i even forget how hurt it was.
and in that moment, just like that. i realized.
i love your laughs. they are just… carefree, and insanely contagious.
i always loved your laughs.
remember that night we were fighting when i was in palembang?
i tried to push you away, but you hold on.
that was the first time i cried with you.
you said. “is this all? just like this and you give up?”
we reconciled that day.
honestly, i didnt want to let you go.. i just want you to fight for me. and you did.
that day, you did. it made me realized, how much i really am love you.
remember that night we were on video call?
i remembered how you hugged your pillow.
how you said you loved me.
and you would never leave me.
that stare in your eyes… was the most beautiful thing.
the stares i never got from anyone. they were beyond special..
remember that night, we were talking for 4 hours thru midnight?
you said. “i deliberately didnt say much.
just to see, if you’d ask and keep me in the conversations.
and you did.” it made me so happy.
remember that night i said you being different?
that night we didnt solve our problem.
i laid awake and cried.
and the next morning, you apologized. for being selfish.
you asked for another chance.
to fix all of this.
you didnt want to give up. you loved me so much, you didnt want to let me go.
and i did give you another shot.
but did you give me when i too asked for a second chance?
you didnt......
remember that night, i was so hungry just before we were about to call?
i made myself a portion of indomie and you scolded me why it took me so long, because you were being impatient about the call.
and i said.. i made myself the jumbo size. and you replied: gendut km, neng. i was laughing so hard when i typed back: ah, akang juga mau kan sama eneng ;;)
remember those nights i had nightmares.
and i woke in dawn everyday.
you were so worried.
remember that night we were fighting?
it was a day before my birthday. and you said.
can we pause? can we not fight just for tomorrow?
i remember i cried in starbucks that night.
i couldnt hold back my tears.
that was me being selfish as hell.
remember that night we were fighting, and being selfish?
we realized that we both grown apart.
we fought. but we wanted to be together.
we wanted to try and give us another shot.
we didnt give up on us.
remember that new year eve?
when we watched the fireworks went off beautifully…
and when it came to midnight,
you hugged me. so tightly.
you said. iloveyou ret.
it was… amazing.
remember that night when we were talking about our dreams and hopes?
you would like to build this outstanding building.
and i would like to teach ballet and have my own eo.
remember that conversations we had about the dream houses?
the roofless, the piano, the paintings, the mirrors, the big backyard, the rooms, the plants, the orchids you and i both liked the best, the fishes you always liked, all those little details.
remember that night, when you went missing for hours?
you chatted me back, crying.
you had this big problem, and you were angry, scared, and sad.
that day was the day you opened up to me, the day when i saw the deepest side of yours.
but i love them, i encourage them, i am brave enough to embrace them.
you promised me you wouldnt be that kind of guy.
you promised me you will be a good man.
that was the promise i hold onto until today.
but.
remember this night. when i was once again crying over you.
remembering all these moments. these little details.
they arent little. they arent details.
and you might forget them all. but they never left mine.
remember this night. when i was once again remembered your broken promises.
when you were even laughing and having fun with other people.
here i am laying awake, wishing how we could once more… reconciled.
remember this night, when my tears were once again flowing down my cheeks.
reminiscing all your giggles, your scent, your laughs, your smile, your body, your piano-songs, your voice, your chats, your stares, your iloveyou, your favorites of everything, your love and all.
remember this night, when i couldnt even remember your bads.
what i remember is all the loves, your imperfections that somehow makes you look even more astonishing.
remember that night when you said. love cant turn into hatred as fast as we fell in love.
but now you hate me. you hatred all the things about me.
you despise me, the way you once told me about this one person.
and i cant live with all these.
i tried to numb everything but i cant.
everytime i saw your name, or catch a glimpse of you in anyone’s snapchats, it broke my heart all over again. it never heals. it never mends.
remember this night. when i have my heart once more ache. broken. lost. crumble to pieces. and you wont even care, wont even a bit.