‘Twas the Night Before-saken
’Twas the night Before-saken,
When all through the land,
Dreamed hype-stricken Guardians
The Crow’s sneering face both taunted and jeered
And many a Risen his death volunteered.
Their Year 1 goods were all stored in collections
While visions of god rolls piqued their affections;
And new perks for armor and sweet mods for guns
Inspired violence-tinged reveries of hunting down Barons;
But upon r/DTG there arose such a clatter,
And we all knew at once just what was the matter.
Away to their keyboards they’d raced in a flash,
To muck up our forums with ill-reasoned backlash;
As soon as the meta shifted they came,
And they ranted, and posted, and their complaints were the same:
“Nerf Shotguns! Nerf Sleeper! Nerf all Shoulder Charges!
Does no-one remember grenade spam at large?
To the trash heap of history they all should be sent,
And any new patch notes must seek my assent!”
And though we respected their deep-rooted fears (for Felwinter’s Lie had left us in tears),
We tried to remember the patch wasn’t here;
That soon, join-in-progress would be added to Gambit,
That fine-tuning damage was outside our ambit.
With well-worded posts their fears we assuaged,
And our thoughts turned instead to what the Drifter had caged:
A type of Darkness, perhaps? The Deepness made real?
Please, oh please, let the story reveal
At least some of the tidbits that to us were hinted
When the plot-line of Destiny 1 first was printed.
Give us dragons and queens and sisters of Oryx!
Give us Exos and Sorrows and Fallen named Variks!
We want Tex Mechanica with full-auto triggers,
And for the love of the Traveler, please buff Gunslingers!
(If two knives you’ll deny us - and their lack we still mourn -
Then at the least let our tripmines create unicorns).
But no matter the Guardian; Warlock, Hunter, or Titan,
We all knew that, somewhere, an Exo’s face brightened
At the thought of the treasure that would soon be hoarded,
Be it weapons or fragments or titles assorted.
His death we’d avenge, he knew it quite clearly,
And that smug bastard Uldren would pay for it dearly.
We’d hunt him sans merci, our smiles like blades;
We’d have our revenge, and we’d have it in spades.
Cayde knew we were good for it; that’s why his glimmer
Had always been put down on us as the winners.
And so without fear he went to his rest,
Safe in the knowledge we’d pass this next test,
That we’d conquer the Reef, that we’d plunder the place,
And he’d add it to his list of stories for Ace;
A little inflated - all true, he would swear! -
But every tall tale needs some inspiring flair.
His lessons we’d learned over the course of four years,
And his glories we’d sing throughout all the spheres;
The finest of all of us! No Hunter was better!
You’d never meet a more charming debtor!
We would all miss him keenly, but somehow we knew
That our favorite Exo would bid us adieu
In the best way he could, with a wit sharp as knives,
And a fine comeback worthy of all six of his lives.
As we all fell asleep, or danced, or emoted,
Cayde-6’s last words through all of our brains still floated;
When at last we found Uldren, when he stared down the barrel,
We’d savor the chance to sing one more carol,
We’d pack in the Prince with the best of brain twisters,
And the last words he’d hear would be:
tangentwithtanner
amandla
vaporwave
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
