I’ve just been rewatching that Thasmin fireworks scene on loop because I’m actually obsessed with Ms. Jodie Whittaker’s heartbreaking acting choices.
So we start with the obligatory het couple looking at each other (Because Chibnall apparently can’t put a m/f duo in without pairing them).
And then we cut to 13, who’s happy and relieved that they all managed to get out alive just in the nick of time (everybody lives!)
She turns to Yaz who’s standing next to her.
It sort of looks like she was about to say something, probably some little quip of some sort about how that went well, but then-
You can physically see her breath catch. Whatever may have been on her mind is completely gone now and despite the marvelous fireworks display going on, she’s staring at the way the colors play off of Yaz’s face. This is her ‘Oh’ moment, that moment we all live for in slow burn fics. No words are needed because it’s all right there on her face.
-She doesn’t want it. Look at how her face falls once she realizes (but she still can’t bring herself to look away). She’s gone from ‘Oh’ to ‘Oh shit please no’. She’s already lost so much (this version especially has been through the ringer). She’s tried so hard to keep everyone at arm’s length, especially Yaz, so they wouldn’t get hurt, because nothing good ever comes from getting too involved (Rose, River, Clara…) but it’s too late. Her carefully constructed walls are tumbling down and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. She’s terrified.
She has to physically force herself to turn away. Look at the huge sigh of resignation, how defeated she looks right after. It’s not gonna end well and she knows it. She’s regenerating soon and she went and got herself attached again. Silly old Doctor. She’s tired and old and sick of losing people, but she’s already in too deep.
So for anyone wondering if the feelings are reciprocated, they are, but she’s not happy about it. I’ve been reading 13 as aroace but I’m realizing now that she’s just very good at repressing things. Her feelings have been pretty dormant and it’s mostly been a one-way street with her and Yaz (on Yaz’s part), but this is her moment. She can’t pretend to be ignorant and flippant anymore and now she has to deal with it.
All this is to say I owe Jodie Whittaker my life and I’m ready to get my heart broken again (Hell Bent still wrecks me).
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