We All Glow Forever

My name's Sydney. I'm 18, I love music and probably you. (This is an RP account for coltonmentalhospital)

[glowwormshine]

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Salem

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[glowwormshine]

"Fuck, Ingrid..." Breathing his name reverently, Sydney let out another small hitching laugh, amazed by just how fucking arousing his boyfriend looked like this, and feeling glued to the mattress by the afterglow of his orgasm. Moving was still difficult. 

"Wow. Just wow, man." He was beaming, glowing, his face still flushed and a bit sweaty, wet with a few stray tear trails. Pulling Ingrid up and toward him lazily, Sydney trailed a finger through the mess on his face delicately, bringing his finger to his own lips with little hesitation and lapping up his own come with a little smirk and a soft sound of pleasure.

Usually, after sex Sydney would immediately curl up protectively as much as possible, immediately worrying about covering himself and becoming overwhelmed by insecurity. Right now though, he just wanted to feel the warmth of Ingrid's bare skin against his, even though he reached down to grab at the sheets weakly, attempting to cover his thighs and stomach. The lights were on.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Salem

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[glowwormshine]

Holding still wasn't exactly difficult at the moment. Sydney felt like all of his limbs were made of lead, and he was still shaking all over. As Ingrid slipped his thick black frames carefully back onto his face, Sydney blinked several times to allow his eyes to adjust, reaching up with a trembling hand to wipe at the the leftover tears.

Managing to sit up unsteadily on his elbows this time and looking down at Ingrid with his glasses slightly skewed, Sydney felt a stirring rush of arousal that made his softening cock twitch a bit - he hadn't really thought that he would find his come on someone's face hot, but he definitely did. Ingrid's bright blue eyes, his innocent smile... and those gorgeous lips, dripping with him. He shivered slightly, sucking in a little gasp at the sight that transformed into another breathless, amazed laugh.

"Holy shit, Ingrid." He covered his mouth and cheeks as he dissolved into raspy laughter again, "Can you c'mere...?" Suddenly hyper-aware of how much closer Ingrid could be to him, Sydney wanted as much skin to skin contact as possible, and to help his boyfriend clean up.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Salem

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[glowwormshine]

Sensitive to the extreme after coming twice in what had probably been less than an hour, Sydney whimpered and whined as Ingrid licked deliberately at the head of his flushed, throbbing cock, his thighs shaking noticeably. Wave after wave of euphoria kept washing up over him, and he felt like he was swimming in warm, fuzzy white noise, every shuddering breath sending pleasant little vibrations throughout his whole body.

For a few blissful moments, Sydney felt no pain - his brain was so flooded with endorphins, he couldn't feel the burning in his throat and chest, the aches and pains that plagued him incessantly. Everything felt good. All he could do was lie there and tremble, completely limp, dead weight against the mattress, trying to remember how to breathe again, unable even to lift his arms that felt boneless to wipe at the tears on his cheeks or the sweat on his forehead.

Startled slightly from his blissed-out reverie by Ingrid's sound of surprise and then laughter, Sydney unsuccessfully tried to sit up on his elbows to inspect what had happened. Glasses safely folded on the nightstand, he was basically blind, but he squinted at Ingrid between his legs uselessly, laughing breathlessly, "Fuck- Did I come on your face?"

[glowwormshine]

Weigh-In

[anorcxia]

Delilah was trying to pretend she didn’t hear the conversations going on around them. That she wasn’t effected by the other girls, and their goal weights, or their current weights. That she didn’t feel incredibly fat from just being in the room. She tried to focus on Sydney’s voice. He seemed to calm her down a bit. After all, this was as closest she’d ever gotten to someone other then Cameron. 

She took a deep breath in, the scent of Cameron calming her down. When he found out what happened, in the hospital before she got here, Cameron was almost in tears. She hated that what she had done made him so upset. It wasn’t even remotely his fault. He was the reason it never got any worse. She wished he’d understand that. But he never seemed to, on the phone. Without Cameron here by her side, Delilah felt lost. They’d done everything together since the fifth grade, and now, still faced with the looming threat of the remainder of junior year, she was afraid. Cameron was in the grade above her, so this year was his senior year. Honestly, Delilah felt like she was ruining it. Senior year was supposed to be fun. And if she didn’t get out of here, for him, it wouldn’t be. He talked about her in his college applications, which surprised her. He said she was his hero. She couldn’t help but wonder, was she worthy of such a title? Hadn’t she caused her own downfall?

"Syd the Sloth. I l-like it!" She exclaims, a tiny giggle passing her lips. She hadn’t laughed, really, in so long. She hadn’t been happy in so long. This was such a pleasant change for her.

"There’s just something about the XX that j-just makes me happy. Not really sure what it is, b-but they just do. And I like D-Daft Punk. They’re super rad. Um…. I’m trying to think of wh-what else I like. I’m j-just so tired I have like, no r-recollection.” She giggles, before a yawn passes her lips. “Oh I-I sort of play guitar… My b-best friend, Cameron, taught me h-how… And I can kinda sing?” She shrugs, “What about y-you?”

[glowwormshine]

When Delilah laughed, Sydney felt a little of his anxiety melt away, an oppressive weight lifting from his chest, and now he couldn't seem to stop smiling. Helping others, making them smile and setting them at ease helped to relieve some of his own nearly constant, creeping panic and obsessive thought patterns for a little while. With Delilah, it was particularly effective - even though they'd just met, he already really connected with her; they just clicked.

Sydney usually developed strong feelings about people very quickly, and first impressions meant a lot to him. It hadn't taken long at all for him and Ingrid to hit it off - he had known pretty much as soon as they'd met that he felt something for him - and conversely, if someone rubbed him the wrong way he usually knew pretty much immediately, and had a hard time not letting it show.

"Yeah I mean, when you connect with a band or an artist, it's not always something you can explain, you know? Sometimes they just like, speak to your soul or whatever it is, and it's just... special. That's what the XX is for you, yeah? I think for me that's Bjork; like sometimes I feel like she's singing from my heart. Maybe that's stupid but." With a raspy little laugh at himself, slightly shaky with his nerves that were just barely showing through in the way he was babbling, Sydney shrugged.

As she yawned and explained how tired she was, Sydney nodded sympathetically - he understood that, for sure. Eating disorders were exhausting, and that was why they were waiting, after all. He was operating on some level of physical exhaustion pretty much all the time too, but he was so generally excitable and good at hiding it that most people who observed him had no idea. Sometimes, when he let his guard down for a moment, his weariness shone through in his eyes, in the way he held himself. Nights were painful, and usually not very restful, spent tossing and turning on a pile of pillows to find a position that helped ease the burning in his chest and throat that got so much worse when lying down.

"It's cool man, you don't have to tell me all of them now!" Another little laugh, "We can keep hanging out and talking about it after all this, right? Like the more bands we talk about and everything, we'll just keep getting reminded of other stuff we like." Pure excitement lit up his features, "You play guitar? That's fuckin' dope! We should jam together! Yeah, I play too, and the piano, even though I'm not really that great ('cause my fingers, y'know), and I mean they have so much sick equipment in this place! We can make music, and you can sing, since my voice is fucked up." A flash of darkness passed over him at the mention of his voice, but he shook it off quickly, gently squeezing at Delilah's hand with sincere excitement.

[glowwormshine]

Weigh-In

[anorcxia]

The little brunette seems to relax when he grabs her hand, and it seems like she needed the support more than he did. Her hands were small, bony, but still soft. She wished she looked like the other girls, but she wasn’t built that way. Her shoulder’s were broader, her body was shorter, and she looked like she could curl up and fit perfectly in someone’s embrace. Her nails were a bit different then his. Some were sharpened into points, others were broken and jagged, and more than a few were chewed to stubs. Her nails were a complete disaster, but she didn’t really care. Her knuckles were prominent, and similarly to the way his hands gave away his purging, the bones of her alluded to her being slickly or thin. It was the actual size of her body, a body that was swimming in her best friend’s clothes, that really gave it away. 

She found comfort in the temperature of his hand, hers, which were usually cold, were warm with nerves. It felt hot in the room, and she wasn’t sure why he was shivering. She assumed stress, basically because that seemed to answer the question of why for every ailment in the teenage lifestyle. The brunette smiled when she noticed a small turn of the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, j-just like the song. A-and, I don’t t-talk to m-many people, so I d-don’t actually hear that too o-often.” She says, a nervous chuckle escaping her own lips.  "Sydney.." She pauses, biting her lip. "Is it bad that the first thing I thought of was Sid the Sloth from Ice Age?" She asks, another nervous chuckle passing by light pink lips, "I mean, I would hope not, b-because I love him, but the qu-question stands."  She fought the urge to lean her head on his shoulder and fall asleep. She was so tired. She hadn’t slept the night before, a sharp stabbing pain in her head keeping her up, as well as the constant fears of people hating her. After all, how could she expect someone to like her, if she didn’t even like herself. At his music question, she can’t help but smile, “I-I like a l-lot of different things. Muse, M-Matt and K-Kim, H-he is We, All Time Low, The P-Pretty Reckless, Vampire Weekend, Young the Giant, C-Cage the Elephant, The 1975, F-Foster the People, Florence a-and the Machine, Th-the XX, a l-lot. Oh, and o-obviously the Plain White T-T’s.” She smiles a bit, “H-How about you, wh-what do you like?”  She was glad he could see she didn’t want to share thinsporations, or weight aspirations, her jean size, or her current weight, the way other girls were right now. She wanted to be normal, and carryout a normal conversation. 

[glowwormshine]

The conversations of the other girls buzzing quietly around him weighed heavily on him, and he subconsciously tried to drown them out through his much less upsetting conversation with Delilah. It wasn't the first time he'd heard shit like that. Sydney had met girls with eating disorders before - never another boy - and once, he had even dared to confide that he had a problem to a girl who had confessed hers to him. Instead of being horrified, treating it like the issue it was, she had asked him his goal weight, how much he had lost recently, how much he weighed. It had been a devastating betrayal that left him feeling humiliated and completely alone. After that, talking about it just seemed impossible.

For the past few weeks, Sydney's boyfriend Ingrid had been by his side nearly constantly, as much as possible, really. But this was somewhere that he couldn't follow him. Without Ingrid to wrap an arm around him and ease his shivers with his comforting warmth, Sydney felt unnervingly exposed and vulnerable. It helped to be able to hold Delilah's delicate, bony little hand, and he squeezed at it gently, reassuring both of them that they were connected, at least for the moment.

"Aw man, that's not bad at all, I fuckin' love Ice Age! I mean, I've never had like, a real nickname other than Syd so I mean, I'm so down if you wanna go for Sid the Sloth, that's dope."

Laughing hoarsely, his damaged voice cracking a bit at the end, Sydney held onto the warmth of Delilah's small hand and grinned appreciatively as she talked about the music she liked. Nothing made him happier than seeing people talk about the things they loved, the things they were passionate about. Delilah seemed to light up as she spoke, and Sydney mirrored her enthusiasm,

"Shit, yeah! You have taste, I mean I listen to all of that, too. I love the XX so much it's stupid!" He beamed, "Oh man, it's such a big question, but my ultra mega all-time faves are Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Justice, Daft Punk, Bjork, Radiohead, Grimes and Cocorosie. But I listen to all kinds of shit, like really all kinds." His eyes had noticeably lit up now, "Do you know how to play any instruments or anything? Or do you like to sing?"

[skrillex-archive-blog]

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Salem

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[glowwormshine]

Letting out a sobbing moan as he rocked his fingers into him with ease at the perfect angle, Sydney dug his blunt, ragged nails slightly into Ingrid's shoulder - it felt like pure relief. Ingrid knew what he needed and would take care of him, he could really trust him. He was really the perfect lover, despite his inexperience, because he cared about him and listened to him and paid attention to how he responded.

Sydney was coming undone beneath him, trembling, breath audible and ragged, and as Ingrid purred around him the vibrations made him moan and thrust shallowly a few times into his mouth, but not quite hard enough to choke. Every little movement caused such intense sensations that he didn't need to move much at all before he was making breathless little 'ah' sounds, obviously seconds from coming. It was all happening at once. Suddenly there was another finger in him and Ingrid was pressing on that spot and it was like he could feel it in his whole body, and his mouth was all around him and his teeth and-

fuckgoddamn

Sydney could feel his abdomen tighten and start to tremble and he gripped Ingrid like he was trying to hold on, like he was going to get swept up in the tide of his orgasm and washed away. The noises he was making escalated to tremulous keening, and he tried to warn Ingrid that he was about to come but couldn't form the words, only the beginnings of his name before he was tossing his head to the side, cheek against the pillow, lips slightly parted as his release rippled through him, more intense than anything he'd ever felt. Sydney's heart was pounding so hard he could feel it vibrating through all of him like he was standing in front of a massive speaker blasting bass music. It was fucking ecstasy.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Ingrid was still happy to be healed, and the pressure that seemed to be constant around his throat lifted. He smiled softly, petting Sydney’s hair back and hugging him close as he spoke softly.

"Thank you, Sydney."

Then he stopped dead. His voice was deep and honey-smooth, sweet, and rough all at the same time; a harmony in itself. And it wasn’t choppy, or even the beginning of a stutter.

"Sydney. Sydney." The one word he had the most trouble with, and he could pronounce Sydney’s name without a shred of hesitation. And his grin widened with ease as he pulled the other closer.

"I love you, Sydney. So much. You’re fucking beautiful, Sydney.”

[glowwormshine]

Pulling back from Ingrid's neck in shock, Sydney looked at his face with awe as he heard the sound of his voice. He'd never heard Ingrid's true voice so clearly before. It sent goosebumps down his spine, made his heart swell, made him feel warm in the very pit of his stomach for a moment. Mouth hanging open for a second, Sydney let out a shocked little laugh before covering his mouth.

"Holy shit." The sound of Ingrid saying his name so clearly made him feel giddy, and suddenly a wide, dopy grin was lighting up his face that had just looked so worried and downcast. "Holy shit, Ingrid."

Kissing him excitedly and laughing incredulously between kisses, Sydney rubbed their noses together affectionately - Ingrid's sharp and angular and Sydney's soft and round, like the two of them in general - enjoying the soft vibrations of Ingrid's voice, pressed chest to chest. He wanted to do it again. He wanted to take all of Ingrid's pain away, wanted to make it all better.

"I love you, too. Like really a fuckin' lot. And I- I wanna help you, okay?" His hand began to tug and fidget very gently at the collar of Ingrid's sweater, silently asking permission to remove it and keep going.

[glowwormshine]

Weigh-In

[glowwormshine]

Delilah watched the boys movements, wishing she knew how to help more. She didn’t really. She only thought to hold her hand out, for him to shake or hold, whatever he preferred. “I’m D-Delilah. A-and I’m n-new. I—I haven’t done th-this… But th-they weighed me when I g-got here.” She whispers, trying to contain the shakiness of her voice. 

The brunette is honestly so afraid of this. She didn’t eat anything yesterday, so she was hoping it wouldn’t be too bad. She didn’t really understand why she was here. What was the problem? She hadn’t done anything wrong. Why were they constantly weighing her? It made her both unhappy, and uncomfortable. She didn’t see any benefit. Besides, she wasn’t exactly skinny.

As she continued to look around, she noticed something. All these girls are so skinny. Why are they here? There’s nothing wrong with them. They look perfect. She wants to look like that, more than anything. What was this, some fucked up way to find her thinspo? 

The brunette sighs softly, before a yawn passes her lips. She didn’t understand how things worked here. She didn’t understand the schedule, she didn’t know when she had therapy, she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be doing her school work. She didn’t even know why her weight was an issue. Wasn’t she here because of her self harm problem?

I hate this, Delilah thought. Now it was her turn to fidget nervously, pulling at her hair, before fixing her beanie, and repeating. Long sleeves covered her arms and her hands, she was obviously too small for the clothes she wore. Her sweatshirt was enormous on her, and obviously a men’s cut. It belonged to Cameron Hurley, her neighbor, and probably her only friend outside of here. He was usually around to hang out with, and the only person she had consciously missed, while she was here. It smelled like him, and that brought her comfort. She missed him, even though she was sure he sold her out to her dad. He had to have told him she had a problem. Why else would he have sent her here? 

Nodding sympathetically in understanding when she mentioned being weighed on arrival - Sydney had been weighed at the hospital just before coming here, but that had been different since he hadn't exactly been lucid for most of it - when she held her hand out to him, he didn't hesitate much to reach out and gently grasp it in his icy grip. His hand was a dead giveaway for his bulimia for anyone who knew how to look. Nails that had been bitten down to the quick and prominent, angry red scars and fresh marks just above the knuckles of his middle and index fingers from purging. His hands embarrassed him, stubby indelicate fingers and blatant evidence of all the harm that he had done to himself, but he wanted to reach out to this girl - she seemed to be hurting in a lot of the same ways as he was.

Hands and feet always freezing cold because of his poor circulation, Sydney occasionally shivered very slightly even though he was wrapped up in an over-sized sweater like Delilah, as usual. The two of them seemed to match in a way, both standing apart from the crowd, small and wearing clothes that were too big that made them seem smaller, looking like they wanted to disappear.

"Delilah." Sydney smiled a little, "Like that song? You probably hear that all the fuckin' time though, man, I'm sorry." He let out a nervous, raspy little laugh. "I'm Sydney. I'm still kind of new, too."

Pushing his glasses up on his nose with his free hand, Sydney watched as Delilah seemed to be consumed by her nerves, starting to fidget uncomfortably just like he had been doing. They were mirroring each other's body language, both perfect pictures of anxiety. He wanted to help, and it seemed like all they could really do was to try to distract themselves.

"So I mean, since I had to go and bring up that song and everything, what've you been listening to lately, Delilah?"

Maybe the transition was a little awkward, but Sydney almost always wanted to start talking about music with people after basic introductions had been accomplished, and he assumed that Delilah also didn't want to talk about why they were there. It was a strange situation - both of them could make assumptions about the other based on the fact that they were waiting for a weigh-in, but they hadn't really spoken a word about it, a certain level of forced, unspoken familiarity present.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Salem

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[glowwormshine]

Desperately wanting for Ingrid to maintain the fast, hard rhythm that he had worked up to just before coming, Sydney let out breathless little whimpering noises as he slipped out of him, gasping from the sudden emptiness and rolling his hips fervently, uselessly. So close, so fucking close. His toes were curling, and his broad little fists were gripping tightly at the sheets.

Eyes bleary with tears and blurry just from not having his glasses on, Sydney had a hard time really seeing what was going on as his lover shifted him gently from his side to his back - fuck, he could feel some of Ingrid's come running down the insides of his thighs and it made him moan - but it didn't matter that he couldn't see, everything was pure tactile sensation.

Even though he had a decent amount of experience when it came to giving guys head, Sydney had never actually been on the receiving end before, and it made everything that Ingrid was doing so much more intense. The sensation was surprising, and he sucked in a gasp, his hips bucking up involuntarily in an attempt to feel more of his mouth on him. Sydney's mouth hung open, eyes fluttering shut as he let out shuddering little huffs of air.

Draping his legs around his shoulders slowly, languidly, Sydney's back arched up off of the bed as Ingrid started to suck at him in earnest, "Ah-ah!" and his legs were noticeably trembling. Reaching down blindly, Sydney groped at Ingrid's shoulder, desperate to touch him, and reached down between his legs with his right hand in a frenzied attempt to finger himself, whining and settling on gripping Ingrid's other shoulder when his attempt was unsuccessful as always, distantly trying to hold himself back from losing control and just fucking Ingrid's mouth.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

December Powers

Ingrid bit his lip hard as he thought, pulling Sydney a bit closer and leaning in to nuzzle him gently. And then he paused, speaking slowly as the thought mapped itself out in his head.

"D-don’t thi-i-ink about i-it." He murmured, petting Sydney’s side slowly. "Y-you’re not di-isappointing m-m-me." He replied softly. "I-I just re-e-eally want yo-ou to get be-e-etter. I lo-ove yo-o-ou."

[glowwormshine]

"I love you, too."

Of course he was thinking about it. He couldn't help but feel like a disappointment. He wanted to get better faster, for Ingrid. Wanted to not be so fucked up. There had been a part of him ever since they had first gotten together that had worried that all of this would wind up being too much for Ingrid once he really understood how bad things were. That his eating disorder and the damage it had done to him was too much for any one to deal with. That he was too damaged to ever have a relationship that lasted.

Now his already tumultuous stomach was tightening with a sudden rush of anxiety, and he accidentally let out a soft little sound when Ingrid started to pet him, trying to relax. How long would Ingrid love him before he couldn't take it any more? Sydney swallowed hard and tried to push those thoughts away. Instead, he went to bury his head in the crook of Ingrid's neck as he pulled him closer. Noticing bruises and scattered lacerations that littered the top of Ingrid's collar bone and the skin of his neck, Sydney pressed a gentle kiss full of all of his love for him to his neck, marveling at the sight as the bruises and cuts there faded away. At least he could do this for him. At least he had this.

[glowwormshine]

Weigh-In

[anorcxia]

So this is what it feels like, to be led to pending doom. Delilah hated this. This entire thing was so fucking stupid. She didn’t have a problem. And if she did, this sure as hell wasn’t the way to fix it. Constantly checking on her during meal times, constantly having her stand on a scale, if she has weight issues, in what world would this solve them? Besides all of these girls are skinny and intimidating. Why are they even here? 

            Brown eyes searched the area, looking for a friendly face. Someone who wouldn’t scoff the second she sat down. Chocolate orbs rested on the frame of a boy. Hopefully he wouldn’t be a douche, however, there was an empty spot next to him, and he looked like he could use some moral support. She didn’t have a problem, but that didn’t mean anything about other people. The brunette slowly made her way over to the curly haired boy, and sat on the edge of the bench. She sent a reassuring smile his way, before looking down at her various rings and bracelets. Slowly, she looked up again, “You ok-kay?” She asked softly, her stutter embarrassing her.

[glowwormshine]

It seemed like most of the girls were trying to steer clear of him, which suited him just as well, for now. They made him feel even worse about himself, any way. Most of them were bony, delicate, could-be fashion models with pointy cheek bones and thigh gaps so wide they looked structurally unsound to him. Why are you even here? He imagined them thinking as they occasionally sneered at him, If you have an eating disorder, why are you still so fat?

When a girl who looked different, who wasn’t all sharp angles and harsh eyes and tight-set lips, came to sit down beside him, Sydney was definitely caught off guard. She had a sweet face - kind, bright eyes that reminded him a little of a puppy, a genuine smile that eased his nerves a bit. Sydney gradually stopped bouncing and fidgeting anxiously for a moment to really look at her, then offered a small, honest smile back. Her stutter reminded him of Ingrid - ever since they’d met each other, he’d found stutters to be endearing.

Swallowing hard against the ever-present lump in the back of his throat, Sydney nodded and ran a very slightly trembling hand through his hair again. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s like a roller-coaster you know? Like, the wait in line is always the worst part. Freakin’ yourself out about how bad it’ll be. It’s never that bad.” He was trying to convince himself more than her, psych himself up a little.

"But um. I’ve never done this before…" His voice grew a little more quiet, nerves showing through in the look in his eyes as hard as he tried to push them back.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

December Powers Event: Healing

Ingrid's disappointment was visible in his eyes, his smile faltering slightly. He desperately wanted for Sydney to get better. If Sydney got better, he'd tell anyone his secret so he could leave at the same time as him. And if he got out first, he'd visit every day. Or, maybe even get a job there. But he'd wanted so badly for Sydney to be able to eat cold and hot things and to be warm all the time, and to be able to sing. What would Sydney's voice sound like when he was healthy if it was already so beautiful?

Ingrid didn't want to give up yet. No, his wounds would heal. Sydney's, however...? They may never heal. He gently grabbed Sydney's wrists, pressing his hands gently to his own throat. "Tr-try aga-a-ain."

[glowwormshine]

Gritting his teeth and swallowing hard, Sydney took a deep, steadying breath. Now he felt like he was disappointing his boyfriend if he couldn't. His hands trembled slightly in Ingrid's grip. He nodded. Closing his eyes in concentration, Sydney willed himself to be able to do whatever it was that he had done before. Had he been thinking something in particular? He tried to think about his throat healing - about how it would feel for it to not hurt every time he swallowed, to not fight against the constant rasp, the fading in and out. Brow knitting up with effort and focus, Sydney desperately willed for his hands to work the same kind of inexplicable magic on him as he had on Ingrid.

Nothing changed. He didn't feel any different. Slowly allowing his eyes to open again, Sydney swallowed hard and it still stung, like always. Reflexively, his eyes welled up slightly - it felt like he was letting Ingrid down.

"I'm sorry... I don't know how it works, I. I can't make it work for me."

[glowwormshine]

Merry Christmas!

Every year, Sydney's mom made him an 'ugly' Christmas sweater. It was one of his favorite things about Christmas time. She wasn't great at knitting really, so she'd buy an old, bulky, colorful sweater from a thrift store to use as a base, and add as much tacky Christmas-ness as she could muster. Sometimes she'd sew on pom-poms, jingle bells, actual Christmas ornaments, one time even lights! He'd always thought it was hilarious, and when he had opened the package from her that had been delivered to his room that morning, his colorful, jingling monstrosity absolutely made his day. A brand new gaudy sweater, complete with a couple of bells.

He was so short and the sweater was so long that it reached down to just above his knees, making the overall effect even more comical. There were more Christmas goodies in the package, but those were to share. Sydney quickly gathered up the things that he had prepared for this occasion and headed off for his new friend Gwen's room, an excited bounce in his step. As he knocked, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and gripping his box of treasures tightly with one arm, Sydney couldn't stop grinning.

dontevercallmeguinevere

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

December Powers Event: Healing

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Ingrid swallowed thickly as he watched, and similar thoughts were flashing through his mind. He considered it. He wanted to stop feeling like shit, to be able to hold Sydney without cringing, to show him what he really might be able to do… But then he remembered how Sydney had told him his vocal chords were destroyed, and how he had all of this stuff wrong with him because of the disorder. And he thought for another moment, before speaking slowly.

"I-I-If you ca-an…  I-I wa-a-ant you to-o heal yo-o-ourself fi-irst." The taller boy murmured softly, somewhat nervously. "M-M-My inju-uries wi-i-ill heal e-e-eve-entually. Slo-owly, bu-ut the-e-ey wi-ill. A-And you’re mo-o-ore i-important than I-I-I a-am."

[glowwormshine]

Eyes widening a bit at Ingrid's words, Sydney felt his heart warm with love for him, deeply touched by his unwavering kindness. He'd never known anyone as genuinely sweet as Ingrid. In that moment, Sydney could see just how much he really cared for him.

Wanting to argue at first, Sydney quickly realized it was better to just follow Ingrid's wishes - after all, he could always heal him afterward. This didn't have a limit to it. Did it? But he shook his head when Ingrid said he was more important than him. They were in this together - there was no 'more important'. 

Sydney wasn't sure if it had to be a kiss, but that was what had worked so far. He couldn't exactly kiss his own throat or anything like that, but - 

Pulling up the long, black sleeve of his shirt, Sydney swallowed hard, a little embarrassed. He wasn't sure if Ingrid had really noticed the self-inflicted cigarette burns that peppered his arm before, even though he'd seen him naked. Taking a deep breath, a little nervous for some reason, he slowly raised his forearm to his lips and pressed a hesitant kiss against his skin.

When he pulled his arms back to inspect it, nothing had changed. The small, angry red circle remained. Although he had tried not to get his hopes up, Sydney felt his heart sink as he shrugged and tried to play it off. For a moment he had let himself hope-

But he could still help Ingrid. And that was what he really wanted, any way.

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

December Powers Event: Healing

[youlookprettyfvckinglow]

Ingrid paused, watching curiously before his eyes widened and he glanced up. The pain, once again, flared up before breaking away once more, and he gave a confused, nervous whimper. “Wha-at’d you do-o-o?” He questioned, voice shuddering. “Sy-y-dne-e-ey?”

He wasn’t used to things abnormal. He wasn’t used to pain coming and going just like that. He healed slowly. Really slowly. So this? It was fucking weird, and he did not like it one bit. It confused him, and he hated confusion.

[glowwormshine]

So Ingrid could see it happening, too. It wasn't just his imagination. Sydney's eyes widened incredulously as he looked up from Ingrid's hands, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Fuck - I don't know, man, I didn't do anything, I just kissed you?"

His heart was still racing from before but it seemed to pick up a little again. Ingrid seemed freaked out, and that made sense - he was pretty freaked out, too. But he was also a bit excited. This was a way to help Ingrid, as strange as it was, and he wanted to do everything he could to take his pain away. Now he was just more equipped to. Biting at his bottom lip, Sydney shifted slightly, head pounding and flooded with possibilities. Could he heal other people, or just Ingrid? Was it just with kisses? Could he heal himself...? There was so much to explore, to learn.

"Ingrid, um- Can I...?"

He wanted to help, and he knew that Ingrid's injuries hurt - he had even admitted that the cuts still stung - but he also didn't want to push him into anything or make him feel uncomfortable.